Why nearly 1 in 10 U.S. families don’t exchange holiday gifts

[ZLoth]

From Marketwatch:

Why nearly 1 in 10 U.S. families don't exchange holiday gifts

Forty-four-year old Michelle Morton's Christmas celebration probably doesn't look like yours – but you might wish it did.

That's because, for the past few years, the Raleigh, N.C., resident and her sisters and husband have instituted a no-gift policy for the holidays. "It was stressful and expensive getting all those gifts, when none of us really needed any of it,"  she explains. "In order to stop the madness, our Christmas became about being able to spend time with family."

Now, rather than trading gifts or gift cards (Morton says they tried the gift-card exchange one year and realized "all we were doing was exchanging money" ), they all travel to Morton's parents' house in upstate New York to spend time together. "We will keep doing it this way,"  she says. "Our Christmas has become more meaningful,"  she says.

FULL ARTICLE HERE

[NE2]

Awwwww, they exchange the gift of love.

[wxfree]

Communists!

[ZLoth]

I sometimes wonder if "gift giving" and "gift exchange" feeds into the entitlement mentality of some people. (sigh)

Here is something from Money magazine that I like:

That’s when a colleague gave me a brilliant suggestion to tell the kids that they can have four things: something they want, something they need, something to wear, and something to read. I was afraid that they might hate the idea, but they both embraced it, in part because it turned list-making into a categorical challenge, a game almost, and it also preserved their freedom to choose. I in turn was pleased because the framework forced them to prioritize desires, forego some things for others, and yes, distinguish wants from needs. (And also accept the fact that clothing and books are legitimate presents.) It wasn’t a completely ant-like solution, but it wasn’t all grasshopper either.

FULL ARTICLE HERE

[1995hoo]

We couldn't think of anything to give each other this year. Since we already had tickets to the Winter Classic on January 1 and the Kennedy Center on January 4, we decided just to count those as Christmas presents.

We did get things for our immediate relatives, though.

[Jardine]

I'm taking some very good friends out for steaks this weekend.  The house is full of crap as it is,  the best gifts are just being with friends and having a good time.

Ever go to an estate sale ?  Ever wonder where all that unused flotsam and jetsam comes from ??

[formulanone]

I don't give gifts to my brother and sister, and vice-versa...we give gifts to their children. Mom and Dad don't want anything as gifts, and tell us so. We'll bring token food, snacks, or flowers to a gathering. The distant of relatives which we see once every ten years get a card.

We all have jobs and can buy whatever shiny toys we want. The over-obligation of gifts is unnecessary; for the neighbors who helped out, it's a nice gesture.

Shopping for kids is actually kind of fun. Set a limit and stick to it, and leave the cheap silly stuff for stocking stuffers.

[catch22]

My wife and don't exchange gifts with any of our adult relatives any more (by mutual agreement with both families).  We do get gifts for nieces and nephews (until they grow up, which is most of them these days).  She does get small gifts for her hairdresser and music teacher.  This year, we're going to my sister-in-law's for Christmas day and we are bringing some of the food.

For the past few years, our church has sponsored Christmas for some local families.  We take the money we would normally spend on the "normal presents" for each other and donate it to that.  We do exchange "stocking stuffer" items.  For me, anyhow, it's a lot more fun shopping for the crazy fun stuff than yet more sweaters, slippers or whatever.

[xcellntbuy]

I have not exchanged Christmas gifts since 1991.  I do not miss the frenzy.

[vdeane]

On one side of the family we decided several years ago to transition to a "not so secret Santa" system where we'd just get the person whose name we drew whatever they wrote down (around $30) on the piece of paper because everyone already had too much stuff, though us kids were exempt from it until recently (and many relatives still insist on buying us stuff).

[broadhurst04]

It gets harder and harder each year for me to come up with anything I want, because I usually just buy it for myself during the year. It's also stressful when someone tells me they want something they don't already have but they say I shouldn't buy it because they don't think I should spend that much money on them. I'm left with no clue what to buy - because they still expect something - so I end up buying more of what they already have and hope it will work out.

[Brian556]

For those of you that watch The Big bang Theory, you know that Sheldon hates gift giving. His logic is that he dislikes it because upon receiving a gift, he feels obligated to give back a gift of equal value.
His character's logic is spot-on.

Gift-giving is a major pain in the ass. It is impossible to read other people's minds in order to get exactly what they want. On the flip side, people end up getting you a bunch of shit that you don't really want or need, and it just clutters up the house.

Far as I'm concerned, I could do without Christmas. Once you are an adult and have a job, you can buy yourself whatever you need. Christmas is primarily for kids, and there is no real reason for adults to exchange gifts.

[cjk374]

I love the Charlie Brown Christmas special.  It's not Christmas until I get to watch it.  Charlie Brown asks Lucy what she wants for Christmas and her answer is classic (and non-realistically crazy):  real estate!      

[SP Cook]

The article's title is misleading.  It purports to explain "why nearly 1 in 10 US families don't exchange holiday gifts".  It does not even explore the subject.  Rather picks out the anecdotal story of one cheapass family that are so self-centered that they cannot accept a gift, lest it be something they did not want, preferring to simply buy everything for themselves (how and when the children are supplied with toys and actual essentials is unexplained, but these people seem like the type that would tell their kids to explore nature or read a book from the library). 

If an actual scientific study of non-gift givers was done, IMHO, the results would reveal some mix of:

- People like those in the article, who are just so self-centered that they must buy everything for themselves, and lack the personal empathy with anyone to be able to either communicate or receive the desires of others.

- People who are in a minority religion and take it seriously.

- People who are in a minority form of Christianity and take it seriously.

- People without a close personal relationship with anyone.

The mix between those, I don't know.

[codyg1985]

Christmas can be a pain because of trying to figure out who to get stuff for, and hope that you don't offend someone by leaving them out, and then making sure the gift is what the person wants. Then there is all of the other planning that is required for all of the get-togethers. No wonder it is one of the most stressful parts of the year.

Here is something I propose: do your get-togethers either on other holidays or during one weekend, and do them regularly throughout the year so that you don't have to make Christmas a big deal.

[seicer]

The article's title is misleading.  It purports to explain "why nearly 1 in 10 US families don't exchange holiday gifts".  It does not even explore the subject.  Rather picks out the anecdotal story of one cheapass family that are so self-centered that they cannot accept a gift, lest it be something they did not want, preferring to simply buy everything for themselves (how and when the children are supplied with toys and actual essentials is unexplained, but these people seem like the type that would tell their kids to explore nature or read a book from the library). 

Wow, someone is cranky.

--

Personally, I don't exchange gifts, or even store-bought cards. It's a useless endeavor, and I would rather spend time with that individual than handing them a store-bought gift. The notion of gifts is strictly a consumerist ideal, brought about by department stores as a way to increase sales during what was a pretty low-key holiday.

Black Friday is also similar; it was designed to be a ploy to increase retail spending and nothing more.

[NE2]

Garage sales can be nice for finding gifts. Fuck the mall cops.

[Pete from Boston]

For those of you that watch The Big bang Theory, you know that Sheldon hates gift giving. His logic is that he dislikes it because upon receiving a gift, he feels obligated to give back a gift of equal value.
His character's logic is spot-on.

Gift-giving is a major pain in the ass. It is impossible to read other people's minds in order to get exactly what they want. On the flip side, people end up getting you a bunch of shit that you don't really want or need, and it just clutters up the house.

Far as I'm concerned, I could do without Christmas. Once you are an adult and have a job, you can buy yourself whatever you need. Christmas is primarily for kids, and there is no real reason for adults to exchange gifts.

While I'll agree that kids are the driving force behind Christmas, it's also when they practically bend over backwards to show us adults how to lighten up and have a good time.  I really dig that friends have me over to eat and drink and enjoy one another's company amid dim, colored lights.

I exchange gifts with a select few.  The gifts are sometimes material and sometimes just help.  It makes people's lives better when you do things for them, even if it's minor or misses the mark.  All but the most antisocial of people like to be thought of.  Christmas is an easy excuse to do that.

I admit the holidays can be a big pain in the ass.  I just feel like however close a call it may be, I still come down on the "worth it" side.

[Laura]

This is the first year that I'm not really exchanging gifts with anyone, and it makes me really sad. For me, gift giving is NOT about consumerism - I pay very close attention to the things people want and need and buy or make those things. I love the joy they experience when they open the present and say "How did you know?" Gift giving in its purest form is an outpouring of love.

However, everyone is sick of the consumerism, and so they've just said "no gifts, Christmas is for kids" this year. I get that, because I hate how consumerist Christmas is, too. But it was never about that for me. Last year, I painted doormats for my family and friends (white background, blue stenciled snowflakes), so I spent all of my holiday budget at Ikea and Ace Hardware. In the past, I used to design my own cards. I enjoyed baking cookies and desserts that people would and could eat and paid attention to dietary restrictions. So it feels a bit like an insult when my mother-in-law INSISTS that I can't give her anything. I want to give her something and expect nothing in return, but because doing that will make her feel guilty, I can't give her anything. Repeat this same mentality for the rest of my family.

I fear that the pendulum is swinging too extreme in the opposite direction.

Sadly, because of the lack of giving and presents, I've really had little inspiration to do anything Christmas-y this year. Why bother making cookies if everyone is going to complain about being on a diet, why look for fun items to purchase or make if people are going to complain that it makes them feel guilty that they didn't get me anything. It SUCKS.

/rant

[Brian556]

Quote from NE2:

Garage sales can be nice for finding gifts. Fuck the mall cops.

Forget garage sales. The stuff in dumpsters is free!

[codyg1985]

This is the first year that I'm not really exchanging gifts with anyone, and it makes me really sad. For me, gift giving is NOT about consumerism - I pay very close attention to the things people want and need and buy or make those things. I love the joy they experience when they open the present and say "How did you know?" Gift giving in its purest form is an outpouring of love.

However, everyone is sick of the consumerism, and so they've just said "no gifts, Christmas is for kids" this year. I get that, because I hate how consumerist Christmas is, too. But it was never about that for me. Last year, I painted doormats for my family and friends (white background, blue stenciled snowflakes), so I spent all of my holiday budget at Ikea and Ace Hardware. In the past, I used to design my own cards. I enjoyed baking cookies and desserts that people would and could eat and paid attention to dietary restrictions. So it feels a bit like an insult when my mother-in-law INSISTS that I can't give her anything. I want to give her something and expect nothing in return, but because doing that will make her feel guilty, I can't give her anything. Repeat this same mentality for the rest of my family.

I fear that the pendulum is swinging too extreme in the opposite direction.

Sadly, because of the lack of giving and presents, I've really had little inspiration to do anything Christmas-y this year. Why bother making cookies if everyone is going to complain about being on a diet, why look for fun items to purchase or make if people are going to complain that it makes them feel guilty that they didn't get me anything. It SUCKS.

/rant

It's good to see another view of this. It is really awesome of you to be able to pay attention closely enough to be able to get a thoughtful gift for everyone in your family. I wished we all could be more like that.

It is understandable for people to feel guilty about receiving gifts because they feel they should give something in return. Sure, someone will say that you don't have to give anything back in return, but will that person really mean that? I would hope most people would give gifts for the reason you do: to feel the joy of seeing that person's reaction to receiving the gift. I'm sure you are someone that falls into that category, but there are plenty of people that expect something in return. That's where I think the rub is today with those that just don't want to exchange gifts, including the increasing commercialization of Christmas.

As for the dietary restrictions, this time of year is especially hard for me being a Type 1 diabetic. I try not to go overboard with eating, but I usually fail at that. However, I can understand why people would be hesitant to have cookies or anything that is sweet, and they don't want to feel obligated to eat something. With that said, if someone was to bake cookies just for me, I would really be happy, and I would probably eat them over the course of a few days. Everything in moderation.

[Pete from Boston]

This is the first year that I'm not really exchanging gifts with anyone, and it makes me really sad. For me, gift giving is NOT about consumerism - I pay very close attention to the things people want and need and buy or make those things. I love the joy they experience when they open the present and say "How did you know?" Gift giving in its purest form is an outpouring of love.

However, everyone is sick of the consumerism, and so they've just said "no gifts, Christmas is for kids" this year. I get that, because I hate how consumerist Christmas is, too. But it was never about that for me. Last year, I painted doormats for my family and friends (white background, blue stenciled snowflakes), so I spent all of my holiday budget at Ikea and Ace Hardware. In the past, I used to design my own cards. I enjoyed baking cookies and desserts that people would and could eat and paid attention to dietary restrictions. So it feels a bit like an insult when my mother-in-law INSISTS that I can't give her anything. I want to give her something and expect nothing in return, but because doing that will make her feel guilty, I can't give her anything. Repeat this same mentality for the rest of my family.

I fear that the pendulum is swinging too extreme in the opposite direction.

Sadly, because of the lack of giving and presents, I've really had little inspiration to do anything Christmas-y this year. Why bother making cookies if everyone is going to complain about being on a diet, why look for fun items to purchase or make if people are going to complain that it makes them feel guilty that they didn't get me anything. It SUCKS.

/rant

Well put.

[Molandfreak]

I have always liked our tradition of seeing a movie at the imax better than the actual gift giving on Christmas.

[Laura]

This is the first year that I'm not really exchanging gifts with anyone, and it makes me really sad. For me, gift giving is NOT about consumerism - I pay very close attention to the things people want and need and buy or make those things. I love the joy they experience when they open the present and say "How did you know?" Gift giving in its purest form is an outpouring of love.

However, everyone is sick of the consumerism, and so they've just said "no gifts, Christmas is for kids" this year. I get that, because I hate how consumerist Christmas is, too. But it was never about that for me. Last year, I painted doormats for my family and friends (white background, blue stenciled snowflakes), so I spent all of my holiday budget at Ikea and Ace Hardware. In the past, I used to design my own cards. I enjoyed baking cookies and desserts that people would and could eat and paid attention to dietary restrictions. So it feels a bit like an insult when my mother-in-law INSISTS that I can't give her anything. I want to give her something and expect nothing in return, but because doing that will make her feel guilty, I can't give her anything. Repeat this same mentality for the rest of my family.

I fear that the pendulum is swinging too extreme in the opposite direction.

Sadly, because of the lack of giving and presents, I've really had little inspiration to do anything Christmas-y this year. Why bother making cookies if everyone is going to complain about being on a diet, why look for fun items to purchase or make if people are going to complain that it makes them feel guilty that they didn't get me anything. It SUCKS.

/rant

It's good to see another view of this. It is really awesome of you to be able to pay attention closely enough to be able to get a thoughtful gift for everyone in your family. I wished we all could be more like that.

It is understandable for people to feel guilty about receiving gifts because they feel they should give something in return. Sure, someone will say that you don't have to give anything back in return, but will that person really mean that? I would hope most people would give gifts for the reason you do: to feel the joy of seeing that person's reaction to receiving the gift. I'm sure you are someone that falls into that category, but there are plenty of people that expect something in return. That's where I think the rub is today with those that just don't want to exchange gifts, including the increasing commercialization of Christmas.

As for the dietary restrictions, this time of year is especially hard for me being a Type 1 diabetic. I try not to go overboard with eating, but I usually fail at that. However, I can understand why people would be hesitant to have cookies or anything that is sweet, and they don't want to feel obligated to eat something. With that said, if someone was to bake cookies just for me, I would really be happy, and I would probably eat them over the course of a few days. Everything in moderation.

Aww, thank you so much for your point-of-view, Cody. It helped me understand the other side a lot better.

Also, my mother-in-law took the whole thing to another level by emphasizing over and over (and over) how she isn't exchanging gifts, even to the point of mentioning on Christmas afternoon "You only got me a card, right? Because you know the rule about not exchanging gifts." (I only had a card for her, so it seemed really unnecessary for her to say that.)

No one else in my family said anything about gifts, so we enjoyed the day like Thanksgiving - with food and fellowship.

[jeffandnicole]

Aww, thank you so much for your point-of-view, Cody. It helped me understand the other side a lot better.

Also, my mother-in-law took the whole thing to another level by emphasizing over and over (and over) how she isn't exchanging gifts, even to the point of mentioning on Christmas afternoon "You only got me a card, right? Because you know the rule about not exchanging gifts." (I only had a card for her, so it seemed really unnecessary for her to say that.)

No one else in my family said anything about gifts, so we enjoyed the day like Thanksgiving - with food and fellowship.

I finally quit giving cards.  Too expensive; they'll barely be read and not looked at again.  Instead, I gave lottery tickets, and instructed the recipients to read them instead. 

Happily, out of the 5 tickets scratched so far, 2 of them were $10 winners.  When I see my brother and sis-in-law Saturday, I'll see if they add to that tally.

For a side note here, I've never won anything significant on lottery tickets.  However, tickets I bought for gifts to others were winners:  A scratch-off yielded $500 for someone...and a Mega Millions ticket turned out to be a $10,000 winner!!!