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What do you think of "Managementspeak"?

Started by hm insulators, June 03, 2016, 05:18:20 PM

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hm insulators

Okay, let's touch base here, get on the same page and bring to the table a new paradigm. We need to work as a team here to move forward and leverage this into a deliverable! If we want to move the needle and get on the road to success, we'll have to think outside the box. We have issues here!

Anybody have one of those nutty supervisors who just loves to use buzzwords or other blibber-blubber of that nature? I'm sure you have other "managementspeak" to post here.

(Incidentally, anybody ever notice the more a supervisor or boss spouts off about "teamwork," the less of a team player that person is?)

At the end of the day, it is what it is.
Remember: If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.

I'd rather be a child of the road than a son of a ditch.


At what age do you tell a highway that it's been adopted?


PHLBOS

GPS does NOT equal GOD

slorydn1

Thanks, I just spit coffee all over myself when I read this. :-D


I had a few bosses like that when I worked at Domino's back in the day. Yeah the harping on teamwork part was code for "get your shit together so that I don't have to jump in and help to get this done".


In my current job as a shift supervisor of a 911 center we always work as a team, we have to just to get through the day. It's never mentioned, it just happens. Of course, I was blessed with a good crew, that helps a lot too.


Please Note: All posts represent my personal opinions and do not represent those of any governmental agency, non-governmental agency, quasi-governmental agency or wanna be governmental agency

Counties: Counties Visited

US 81

Worst on my list, at least in recent memory: "200% accountable."   Intended to convey that I am fully accountable for everything I do, and somehow also I'm accountable for everything my colleagues do.

I physically cannot stop my eyes from rolling every time this one gets said, ahem - verbalized.

kkt

"The cold blooded murder of the English tongue."  Shaw

hbelkins

Shortly after I took a job with the agency formerly known as the Kentucky Revenue Cabinet back in 1995, the regional daily newspaper started running "Dilbert." I heard a lot of terms that I ended up seeing in conversations in "Dilbert." I made the remark more than once that I felt like I was working in Dilbert's office.

One word I hate with a passion is "deliverable."


Government would be tolerable if not for politicians and bureaucrats.

GCrites

Jeez, I never say anything like that despite being "management" and having an MBA. Sometimes I say "knowledge base" but that's out of respect to others.

Jardine

"You've let the organization down"

"We don't play games here"

"Team player"

"Core competencies"

"Cross training"

"ilities"  (serviceability, maintainability, supportability, etc.)

"Enriched management"

"Continuous Improvement"

"System Status Review*"

"Bargaining unit concerns"

"Therapeutic slap"

"Management diffusion"

"Distribulate"

"Nothing stays the same, you're either getting better or you're worse"

"Ethics and Compliance Training"



*I have a coffee mug somewhere with "System status review" on it






Max Rockatansky

About 10 years ago everyone was asked by my boss to put some sort of motivational or inspirational quote on their email signature.  Being the callus heathen that I am mine was the following:

"Once bread becomes toast it can never go back to being bread."   

Now I thought for sure that I was going to get reamed for what I put since I stole it from an episode of Spin City where Micheal J Fox's character said that while high on something.  Apparently it was took as deep and meaningful when it was just complete nonsense.   :-D

oscar

Quote from: Max Rockatansky on June 04, 2016, 12:08:48 AM
About 10 years ago everyone was asked by my boss to put some sort of motivational or inspirational quote on their email signature.

I got no such request when I was working, but did make a point of making my office PC's screensaver extremely disinspirational, a marquee (all swiped from other peoples' .sig files) of

    Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines!

    Always pillage BEFORE you burn!

    Friends help you move. REAL friends help you move bodies.

I also had in my office the current year's Despair.com calendar, dedicated to mocking management-speak like discussed above.

Until the years before my retirement, I didn't experience a lot of that kind of management-speak (its increasing use helped me decide to retire at first opportunity). Then again, as antitrust lawyers, we had a lot of our own specialized jargon, some of which we could have fun with.
my Hot Springs and Highways pages, with links to my roads sites:
http://www.alaskaroads.com/home.html

sbeaver44

Quote from: PHLBOS on June 03, 2016, 05:25:10 PM


:sombrero:
I'm going to use this next week tracking certain people.  I have a feeling it won't take very long...

triplemultiplex

The older I get, the more I realize most of America is middle-management d-bags criticizing the people below them and bitching about the people above them.
"That's just like... your opinion, man."

kphoger

I was almost going to post that I never hear any of those phrases at my work (all of my company's management clear up to the owner used to be a blue-collar field techs themselves), but then I read 'It is what it is.' I hear that one all the time! It's code for 'What am I supposed to do about it? Meeting over.' Whenever I overhear it (but not personally a part of the discussion), I reply, 'No, it ISN'T what it is, despite what people keep saying.'
Keep right except to pass.  Yes.  You.
Visit scenic Orleans County, NY!
Male pronouns, please.

Quote from: Philip K. DickIf you can control the meaning of words, you can control the people who must use them.

hbelkins

"It is what it is" isn't just corporate jargon. I hear it everywhere in description of a myriad of situations.


Government would be tolerable if not for politicians and bureaucrats.

GaryV

We had one boss that we tracked the number of times he said "Um".  Best part - he was a lawyer.  Never saw a courtroom, thank goodness.

Rothman

Quote from: hbelkins on June 05, 2016, 02:58:31 PM
"It is what it is" isn't just corporate jargon. I hear it everywhere in description of a myriad of situations.

"It is what it is"? Everyone's saying that now. You know what it means? You're screwed, and you shall remain screwed. -- from St. Vincent
Please note: All comments here represent my own personal opinion and do not reflect the official position(s) of NYSDOT.

jeffandnicole

Or, when a coworker tries doing things themselves, suddenly whines "But I thought we were supposed to work as a team" to others in the section when this particular coworker gets in trouble for something that he/she did.

Quote from: hbelkins on June 05, 2016, 02:58:31 PM
"It is what it is" isn't just corporate jargon. I hear it everywhere in description of a myriad of situations.

Worst.  Phrase.  Ever.

Basically, it means "I fucked up, but I'm not going to tell everyone I fucked up, nor will I apologize for what I fucked up.  You're just going to have to deal with it."

Rothman

I worked for a guy who was in charge of a useless initiative, but he was very happy about being in charge of it.  He'd set up meetings with all sorts of people and would start these meetings by saying something very similar to "This is an exciting effort because it's both top-down and bottom-up, evolving and even iterative."

He quickly became the butt of many jokes and retired shortly thereafter.
Please note: All comments here represent my own personal opinion and do not reflect the official position(s) of NYSDOT.

texaskdog


texaskdog

Quote from: GaryV on June 05, 2016, 04:03:05 PM
We had one boss that we tracked the number of times he said "Um".  Best part - he was a lawyer.  Never saw a courtroom, thank goodness.


People like that need to join Toastmasters

tckma

At the end of the day, I'll take an action item to review this.  Perhaps we can leverage some synergies.

I hate the overuse of "at the end of the day."  Just say something like "in the end," or "when you get down to it."  And when did "leverage" become a verb?

formulanone

Quote from: Rothman on June 08, 2016, 02:10:31 PM
Quote from: hbelkins on June 05, 2016, 02:58:31 PM
"It is what it is" isn't just corporate jargon. I hear it everywhere in description of a myriad of situations.

"It is what it is"? Everyone's saying that now. You know what it means? You're screwed, and you shall remain screwed. -- from St. Vincent

"It is what it is" also means: "We aren't in the industry of changing all things to please a singular client, because that is a waste of our time."

Being in IT means that you need to use the word "bandwidth", and "knowledge base" seems to be a good way to describe the massive collection of PDFs, handouts, catalogs, videos, defects, known issues, latest improvements/updates, workarounds, lists, and technical know-how...a good thing there's a search engine for that.

But I'd say about half those phrases are uttered by upper brass in our monthly conference calls. It depends on the presenter, some are less formal than others.

hm insulators

Quote from: sbeaver44 on June 04, 2016, 10:18:05 AM
Quote from: PHLBOS on June 03, 2016, 05:25:10 PM


:sombrero:
I'm going to use this next week tracking certain people.  I have a feeling it won't take very long...

I was noticing that three of my buzzwords in my original post are in Buzzword Bingo and this is the first time I'd actually seen it pictured.

What does a self-important pompous supervisor think when he lets loose with a phrase and half the captive audience yells "Bingo!"?
Remember: If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.

I'd rather be a child of the road than a son of a ditch.


At what age do you tell a highway that it's been adopted?

GCrites

^He probably thinks they're agreeing with him!

kkt




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