I've been debating this for a few years now. The sarcastic demeanor and lack of support at times really gets to me. I don't know if it's because I'm autistic or not, but I do admit to having sensitivity issues from time to time. Either way, I try to post something or take part in conversations or larger topics, where usually I'm met with little support for any small projects, tons of sarcasm (which I assume is people trying to be funny), statements or non-question related posts receiving less than positive attention or responses sometimes and some posts or questions largely ignored or pushed aside. Recently, I was targeted by a group of bullies in an unrelated setting which lead to me losing almost all my friends and having to restart my social life. Due to that, the feelings of frustration or disappointment due to issues encountered on the forum felt more intense than usual, with the other incident magnifying the feelings. I while ago, I tried to compile some driving directions for different incarnations of US 80 through the south. I put a lot of hard work into it and got very little positive feedback and mostly people just telling me everything I was doing wrong, then at one point when I did get a good draft with all the necessary corrections, everyone fell silent. As one can guess, that lead me to abandon the small project all together. It felt meaningless and stupid since no one seemed to like what I was doing.
Overall, some of the responses I've received over the years and some of these issues I've brought up give me the feeling I'm seen as a nuisance around the forum or a minor annoyance. That people generally don't like me here. I do my best to be the best community member I can, but I feel like nothing's working. Maybe I should just stop doing the same things over again, expecting a different result and just quit already? I don't know.
Don't give up. I have autism as well (which can make it harder to read emotions well and detect what aura someone is giving off during social interaction - including online) - this is compounded by the fact that I also have Depression, which gives me a perceptual set for pessimism (i.e. I am more likely to perceive interactions and such in a much more negative way than they actually are). Unfortunately but at the same time as a relief (once I know the truth), something usually isn't actually as negative as it was in my mind when I first perceived it. But basically, I know how you feel, and I think there is a good chance people here don't really have anything against you and you just may have perceived the situation more negatively than it actually was. People here do like to throw around sarcasm and jokes and stuff sometimes, but that's okay (everyone has different personalities and ways of social interaction). I wouldn't take it personally. I'm sure the great majority of people here have absolutely nothing against you. If you want my honest opinion, I think you seem like a really cool guy, and that you would be missed if you left. I believe I saw your driving directions thread a little while ago, and I really liked it. I thought it was very nice, and I was impressed by the work and effort that was put into it. The unfortunate truth is that when we see something we like but don't have anything extra to add to it, we usually don't speak up. This was the case with me, as I actually thought your post was really nice, but I never actually commented on it, so you had no idea. However, when someone has constructive criticism (which is good), or any other kind of criticism, they are definitely going to speak up, as they must elaborate on why they disagree. I want to offer you my support, and I think many other people here support you as well. I think you would be missed if you leave, so I would take the chance to stay.
While it may involve your autism, it doesn't help that about 90% of the community here also has either that or Aspergers. Not a good mix.
I say stick it out; we are cruel but only because we're stubborn. We mean well, even if we don't give that impression.
Thank you both very much for the encouraging words. Im glad to know I'm not as odd or annoying around here as I thought. I'll try to toughen up a bit more and not let this get to me as much as it is.
VS988
Sarcasm peppers this forum here and there. Contribute how and when you want, and the admins will let you know if you're truly off base or not. Otherwise, just as with other groups of onliners, you will get a mixed bag. I've had a few dud postings that fell flat over the years, but oh well. We probably all will at times. Hope you are living as well as possible in your spectrum.
This board is far less interested in sincerity or normal human interaction than others I've been on - I've mebtioned my wife being pregnant and/or our son on several occasions and barely gotten a response. On the other hand, as others have noted, it IS a forum about roads...
I recommend sticking around.
Quote from: abefroman329 on July 31, 2018, 08:44:57 AM
I recommend sticking around.
I agree. Even if any of us seem brusque or abrasive, it's largely unintentional. Cases of people actually being dicks to each other on this forum are usually handled pretty quickly.
Quote from: abefroman329 on July 31, 2018, 08:44:57 AM
This board is far less interested in sincerity or normal human interaction than others I've been on.
I wouldn't have put it like that. Discussion about emotions, personal lives, and so on, isn't what this forum is meant for.
It's not that we're insincere, just that we're ... online ... and communicating with people we may never meet in real life. And a lot of us have a dry sense of humor (case in point) (https://www.aaroads.com/forum/index.php?topic=23372.msg2345821#msg2345821), which may not bode well with the more emotional among us.
In my case, the roads are what I come here to discuss. It's a learning experience, and I also feel comfortable sharing my own thoughts about highways, road systems, traffic congestion, highway numbering, and so on. I can't say the same of other settings; I think it's part of being a roadgeek. Essentially, and fundamentally, "normal human interaction" probably has a different implied meaning here than it does in a lot of other places. :-D
Quote from: jakeroot on July 31, 2018, 02:01:07 AM
about 90% of the community here also has either that or Aspergers.
Citation needed.
Quote from: abefroman329 on July 31, 2018, 08:44:57 AM
This board is far less interested in sincerity or normal human interaction than others I've been on - I've mebtioned my wife being pregnant and/or our son on several occasions and barely gotten a response. On the other hand, as others have noted, it IS a forum about roads...
I recommend sticking around.
Real life doesn't seem to get discussed much here unless it is on the road AND I imagine most posters stick to particular boards that most reflect their interests. I'm interested in road history and haven't designed highways since I was younger, so the fictional highways board, to name one example, doesn't interest me much. And I'm mainly interested in the Northeast when it comes to regional boards.
I've been to a meet once when I was younger and had more free time and most of my interests here involves maps and other topics that are slightly off-topic or funny films from my youth (looks more closely in abe's direction.)
IIRC, your son was due at the beginning of this month, but I saw no mention afterwards. How's everyone doing?
Quote from: webny99 on July 31, 2018, 09:30:53 AM
Quote from: jakeroot on July 31, 2018, 02:01:07 AM
about 90% of the community here also has either that or Aspergers.
Citation needed.
I'm pretty sure that was exaggeration for dramatic effect, but I wouldn't be surprised if the incidence rate among members here far exceeds the incidence rate in the general population.
^ You should read boards on baseball sabermetrics.
Baseball bores me long before I even get to the statistics side of it. No thanks. :ded:
707, I'm looking at your last couple dozen posts of yours, and none of the responses seem mean at all. Nobody resorted name-calling. If at all, there's others being helpful. Nobody is 100% correct. Enjoying what you enjoy about a particular subset of a hobby is always going to be a solitary process, as it is for everyone here.
This forum doesn't tend towards being "congratulatory" very often; especially regarding off-topic stuff, but that's the way it is. I've seen those with no off-topic stuff, so at least it goes somewhere past the gray pavement and white concrete and into discussions of sports and...chewing gum.
Outside the internet: You set goals, go achieve them, expect it to take time and hard work, expect nothing in return that you hadn't bargained for, expect no praise, and do it all again.
Quote from: jon daly on July 31, 2018, 09:33:27 AM
Quote from: abefroman329 on July 31, 2018, 08:44:57 AM
This board is far less interested in sincerity or normal human interaction than others I've been on - I've mebtioned my wife being pregnant and/or our son on several occasions and barely gotten a response. On the other hand, as others have noted, it IS a forum about roads...
I recommend sticking around.
Real life doesn't seem to get discussed much here unless it is on the road AND I imagine most posters stick to particular boards that most reflect their interests. I'm interested in road history and haven't designed highways since I was younger, so the fictional highways board, to name one example, doesn't interest me much. And I'm mainly interested in the Northeast when it comes to regional boards.
I've been to a meet once when I was younger and had more free time and most of my interests here involves maps and other topics that are slightly off-topic or funny films from my youth (looks more closely in abe's direction.)
IIRC, your son was due at the beginning of this month, but I saw no mention afterwards. How's everyone doing?
Oh, everyone is well, thanks. He was born in the 8th and is progressing nicely. His name is Henry. I'd post pics here but have no idea how to do it.
Quote from: abefroman329 on July 31, 2018, 10:32:17 AM
Quote from: jon daly on July 31, 2018, 09:33:27 AM
Quote from: abefroman329 on July 31, 2018, 08:44:57 AM
This board is far less interested in sincerity or normal human interaction than others I've been on - I've mebtioned my wife being pregnant and/or our son on several occasions and barely gotten a response. On the other hand, as others have noted, it IS a forum about roads...
I recommend sticking around.
Real life doesn't seem to get discussed much here unless it is on the road AND I imagine most posters stick to particular boards that most reflect their interests. I'm interested in road history and haven't designed highways since I was younger, so the fictional highways board, to name one example, doesn't interest me much. And I'm mainly interested in the Northeast when it comes to regional boards.
I've been to a meet once when I was younger and had more free time and most of my interests here involves maps and other topics that are slightly off-topic or funny films from my youth (looks more closely in abe's direction.)
IIRC, your son was due at the beginning of this month, but I saw no mention afterwards. How's everyone doing?
Oh, everyone is well, thanks. He was born in the 8th and is progressing nicely. His name is Henry. I'd post pics here but have no idea how to do it.
Congratulations, by the way. First child?
Quote from: jon daly on July 31, 2018, 09:36:55 AM
^ You should read boards on baseball sabermetrics.
I don't have to - I have a brother who's an actuary.
Last time I checked this was a take it or leave hobby that essentially you had to pursue at your own volition. Really if you're looking for positive feedback or input from others you generally won't find a ton of it in anything road or transportation related. If US 80 alignments are your goal then I say pursue the research but don't expect much outside of personal satisfaction from it
Dude, you got some neat stuff. A US-6 sign? A 1936 Gulf Map of Mississippi? Have you ever considered bringing this to a local library and doing a talk?
Quote from: formulanone on July 31, 2018, 10:33:54 AM
Quote from: abefroman329 on July 31, 2018, 10:32:17 AM
Quote from: jon daly on July 31, 2018, 09:33:27 AM
Quote from: abefroman329 on July 31, 2018, 08:44:57 AM
This board is far less interested in sincerity or normal human interaction than others I've been on - I've mebtioned my wife being pregnant and/or our son on several occasions and barely gotten a response. On the other hand, as others have noted, it IS a forum about roads...
I recommend sticking around.
Real life doesn't seem to get discussed much here unless it is on the road AND I imagine most posters stick to particular boards that most reflect their interests. I'm interested in road history and haven't designed highways since I was younger, so the fictional highways board, to name one example, doesn't interest me much. And I'm mainly interested in the Northeast when it comes to regional boards.
I've been to a meet once when I was younger and had more free time and most of my interests here involves maps and other topics that are slightly off-topic or funny films from my youth (looks more closely in abe's direction.)
IIRC, your son was due at the beginning of this month, but I saw no mention afterwards. How's everyone doing?
Oh, everyone is well, thanks. He was born in the 8th and is progressing nicely. His name is Henry. I'd post pics here but have no idea how to do it.
Congratulations, by the way. First child?
Thanks! Yes, first child. First grandson on both sides of the family - between my wife and me, we have three nieces but no nephews.
All hail Prince Henry of Sausage!
Don't worry about snark. I had to deal with it especially when I first posted on this forum. I complained about a toll plaza going up on FL 528, as most of us in this country complain about whether Left of Right, but because I voiced my opinion that it was a waste and even one local radio host had an idea it was bad, one troll here brought up how dumb I was to suggest a thing that another toll (which did not raise the tolls but keep em the same as the new plaza took some of the price from the other existing one) be not placed being that Orange County in FL is sprawling out. He also brought the left verses right thing and made it political because the radio person who said that was a small Rush Limbaugh and of course the user is very to the Left.
Anyway, I got offended but then when he said that the tolls were a political thing with the Left totally for them and the Right against them, I caught on as I worked in an all Black very Democratic workplace at the time who all believed there that it was the other way around with Rich White Republicans putting the tolls up so us poor Black Folks cannot get around the area. Then later I learned who the user was and what he is outside the forum and luckily I stayed I even got more ribbing for telling a Bud Schuster joke (which is played out here and called a necro post when you restart old material) from another user who I found out later was disliked by many on a previous forum and was using another name on here to sneak back in undetected. My rant at first was why my joke was uspsetting to him, but when NE2 told that same joke the very same day, he did not get upset at his rendition. However, I learned later it was all me and I took things way too personal.
Do not let the fact that no compliments is a bad thing. No, I have road pics that get more looked at by non forum users than forum users, and even one moderator on here (who has great pics) has very few hits on his flickr page. Many of us are appreciative but I guess good does not upset many of us on here as the bad. When bad happens we react as many of us have Autism or Aspergers (and one user has an unknown mental illness here who happens to be good friends with an MOD to get a free pass to say what many of us would get a warning from) are easily directed to by our poor reaction to cues and such.
Just relax and have fun and do not let it get to you. We are all argumentative but deep down we are all a great group.
Quote from: abefroman329 on July 31, 2018, 11:11:28 AM
Quote from: formulanone on July 31, 2018, 10:33:54 AM
Quote from: abefroman329 on July 31, 2018, 10:32:17 AM
Quote from: jon daly on July 31, 2018, 09:33:27 AM
Quote from: abefroman329 on July 31, 2018, 08:44:57 AM
This board is far less interested in sincerity or normal human interaction than others I've been on - I've mebtioned my wife being pregnant and/or our son on several occasions and barely gotten a response. On the other hand, as others have noted, it IS a forum about roads...
I recommend sticking around.
Real life doesn't seem to get discussed much here unless it is on the road AND I imagine most posters stick to particular boards that most reflect their interests. I'm interested in road history and haven't designed highways since I was younger, so the fictional highways board, to name one example, doesn't interest me much. And I'm mainly interested in the Northeast when it comes to regional boards.
I've been to a meet once when I was younger and had more free time and most of my interests here involves maps and other topics that are slightly off-topic or funny films from my youth (looks more closely in abe's direction.)
IIRC, your son was due at the beginning of this month, but I saw no mention afterwards. How's everyone doing?
Oh, everyone is well, thanks. He was born in the 8th and is progressing nicely. His name is Henry. I'd post pics here but have no idea how to do it.
Congratulations, by the way. First child?
Thanks! Yes, first child. First grandson on both sides of the family - between my wife and me, we have three nieces but no nephews.
Congratulations on your son! :thumbsup:
Quote from: webny99 on July 31, 2018, 09:41:01 AM
Quote from: MNHighwayMan on July 31, 2018, 09:34:03 AM
Quote from: webny99 on July 31, 2018, 09:30:53 AM
Quote from: jakeroot on July 31, 2018, 02:01:07 AM
about 90% of the community here also has either that or Aspergers.
Citation needed.
I'm pretty sure that was exaggeration for dramatic effect, but I wouldn't be surprised if the incidence rate among members here far exceeds the incidence rate in the general population.
I know he was exaggerating, but I also recall the subject being discussed before.
After all, it is much easier to type "citation needed" and let others do the work of finding, and linking, the aforementioned discussion, than to do it myself. :-P
The discussion was primarily within this thread, which was about autism, psychological disorders (mental illnesses - a separate class than that that contains autism, which is neurodevelopmental disorders), and more: https://www.aaroads.com/forum/index.php?topic=14571.0
I don't think it's as simple as "liberals love tolls, conservatives hate tolls." Libertarians, who are very economically conservative, seem to prefer toll roads built by private corporations to free roads built using taxpayer dollars, and seem to love HOT lanes.
Quote from: 707 on July 31, 2018, 01:24:54 AM
I while ago, I tried to compile some driving directions for different incarnations of US 80 through the south. I put a lot of hard work into it and got very little positive feedback and mostly people just telling me everything I was doing wrong, then at one point when I did get a good draft with all the necessary corrections, everyone fell silent. As one can guess, that lead me to abandon the small project all together. It felt meaningless and stupid since no one seemed to like what I was doing.
On a project like that, you have to realize that how people react to that will really depend on how familiar they are with US-80. Most of us don't live in a state that US-80 passed through, so our emotional attachment to that road is not very high, and so we probably haven't put much time into knowing much about it. Thus those of us who fall in that group are apt to not comment, as it means that we don't really have much useful or interesting we could say. (This is a problem we have on Wikipedia–it is kind of hard to get people to collaborate on articles because everyone is most interested in roads in their local area and don't really have a lot of interest on getting up to speed on and putting the effort into a road they're not attached to in some way.)
The people who do know about US-80 are trying to be helpful by helping you improve your project. This is in most cases not a personal reflection on you. They simply have information that your project does not reflect so they are contributing to it. You could say that this is how they are showing their appreciation–they took the time to understand your work, to do further research on it, and give you the result of the labor that you inspired so your project can be better.
I understand where you're coming from. Sometimes I draw, and there is nothing worse than putting a lot of work into something like that and getting a total lack of response.
Plus I imagine many of us aren't inclined to post "cool" or "nice job" if we liked something and don't have anything else to say, so that probably has an impact too.
Quote from: webny99 on July 31, 2018, 09:41:01 AM
Quote from: MNHighwayMan on July 31, 2018, 09:34:03 AM
Quote from: webny99 on July 31, 2018, 09:30:53 AM
Quote from: jakeroot on July 31, 2018, 02:01:07 AM
about 90% of the community here also has either that or Aspergers.
Citation needed.
I'm pretty sure that was exaggeration for dramatic effect, but I wouldn't be surprised if the incidence rate among members here far exceeds the incidence rate in the general population.
I know he was exaggerating, but I also recall the subject being discussed before.
After all, it is much easier to type "citation needed" and let others do the work of finding, and linking, the aforementioned discussion, than to do it myself. :-P
All I remember from that thread was getting an impression that a lot of users here have some sort of mental disorder. Not 90% (going through that thread to count wouldn't be sufficient, since not every user on the website responded), but more than our fair share. At my high school, there were many autistic and Asperger students; for whatever reason, I ended up in a lot of the same electives as them (I don't have any mental disorders). They never got along with each other.
Quote from: vdeane on July 31, 2018, 02:05:27 PM
Plus I imagine many of us aren't inclined to post "cool" or "nice job" if we liked something and don't have anything else to say, so that probably has an impact too.
Definitely. I very seldom respond with "great work", unless someone hit the nail on the head, and I wasn't expecting it. I'm more likely to respond with criticism, which can come across as rude. But I'd rather just be honest.
Quote from: vdeane on July 31, 2018, 02:05:27 PM
Plus I imagine many of us aren't inclined to post "cool" or "nice job" if we liked something and don't have anything else to say, so that probably has an impact too.
I did call a photo beautiful in some long-running picture thread and that thread now haunts my "Show new replies to your posts" link.
I skimmed part of that mental health thread. I think I now have a better understanding of why folks here often complain about non-compliant signage. My pet peeve is unorderly carriage return carts at the supermarket and I will neatly arrange them sometimes.
Quote from: jon daly on July 31, 2018, 02:25:14 PM
I skimmed part of that mental health thread. I think I now have a better understanding of why folks here often complain about non-compliant signage. My pet peeve is unorderly carriage return carts at the supermarket and I will neatly arrange them sometimes.
I do that too. It's generally easy to tell which cart return I used.
Quote from: vdeane on July 31, 2018, 02:37:44 PM
Quote from: jon daly on July 31, 2018, 02:25:14 PM
I skimmed part of that mental health thread. I think I now have a better understanding of why folks here often complain about non-compliant signage. My pet peeve is unorderly carriage return carts at the supermarket and I will neatly arrange them sometimes.
I do that too. It's generally easy to tell which cart return I used.
I want to go thru the entire parking lot and rearrange where the cart corrals are in the first place.
Assuming it's a standard lot with double aisles of vehicles like this lot: https://goo.gl/maps/VyQx3xCFHaF2 , you can place the corrals in each row with about 9 spaces in-between them. On the next row over, also have them about 9 spaces apart, with the first one being offset 5 spaces from the next row over.
The result is that no matter where you're parked, you're not more than about 3 spaces away from a corral; whether it be next to you in your row, or across the drive aisle behind you. Because you're within easy walking distance of a corral, it minimizes the distance you have to walk, and minimizes the carts left to be freely hit in the parking lot.
I specifically linked the Target lot above because they do a reasonably good job at this. The corrals are a little hard to see from an aerial shot due to their design, but they are reasonably staggered throughout the lot. It's not perfect because as you can see in the double aisle with the handicap stalls, there are none in that aisle at all!
Quote from: adventurernumber1 on July 31, 2018, 01:52:13 AM
The unfortunate truth is that when we see something we like but don't have anything extra to add to it, we usually don't speak up...
...However, when someone has constructive criticism (which is good), or any other kind of criticism, they are definitely going to speak up, as they must elaborate on why they disagree.
On an online forum, I think this is especially true...and definitely worth keeping in mind.
Quote from: vdeane on July 31, 2018, 02:37:44 PM
Quote from: jon daly on July 31, 2018, 02:25:14 PM
I skimmed part of that mental health thread. I think I now have a better understanding of why folks here often complain about non-compliant signage. My pet peeve is unorderly carriage return carts at the supermarket and I will neatly arrange them sometimes.
I do that too. It's generally easy to tell which cart return I used.
I haven't had to corral the silver buffaloes for work in over 25 years, but I still get annoyed with disorderly cart placement...Mainly because I hate door dings, but I think my old habits tend to kick in.
Quote from: vdeane on July 31, 2018, 02:05:27 PM
Plus I imagine many of us aren't inclined to post "cool" or "nice job" if we liked something and don't have anything else to say, so that probably has an impact too.
Right. It's not emphasized here, but on some other forums the rules specifically discourage these sorts of posts, as it's felt by the management they have little value since they take up page space while not communicating any information.
I've seen other forums that encouraged positive feedback. I guess it is a question of phorum philosophy.
Anyways, 707, don't give up here if you don't want to.
Every person is a little bit nuts, just in wildly varying ways.
I don't consider autism spectrum/Aspergers (et al) to be 'disorders' at all, rather they are part of who we are as individuals.
'Autism' is not a noun, it is an adjective. One does not 'have autism', rather one 'is autistic'. It is not a thing to be caught nor 'cured', it is just a collection of traits that are part of the base programing, the 'OS' of our brains, that are installed at the instant of conception. And this forvm is a place where those traits, along with the ideas and opinions that they foster, tend to shine through and find a home, a place for them to be brought out and discussed in a totally intelligent manner.
Stick with us, improve your 'feel' for this forvm and feel free to chime in. If a posted thought fails to find a response, so be it, just chime in again when the next one enters your mind.
Enjoy! :cool:
Mike
Quote from: mgk920 on August 01, 2018, 11:21:13 AM
'Autism' is not a noun, it is an adjective. One does not 'have autism', rather one 'is autistic'...
I'm sorry but that makes zero sense. It may be a matter of semantics but the end result is the same.
For example:
I do not have "alcoholism," rather I am "a heavy drinker." See the difference?
Quote from: mgk920 on August 01, 2018, 11:21:13 AM
Every person is a little bit nuts, just in wildly varying ways...I don't consider autism spectrum/Aspergers (et al) to be 'disorders' at all, rather they are part of who we are as individuals.
Well then you're lying to yourself. Autism and/or ASD are both legally developmental disorders.
My 2 pfennig's worth is there are a few "bad players" (for lack of a better term) on any forum. Sometimes their "signal to noise" ratio has at tendency to drown others out. I understand some of your frustration. I've learned when the BS gets too deep, to walk away for a while. I still get sucked in by some of the "drama queens", but I'm getting better at stepping aside.
If you ever have a chance to attend a road meet, you'll find most of us are "good people" .
Quote from: mgk920 on August 01, 2018, 11:21:13 AM
Every person is a little bit nuts, just in wildly varying ways.
I don't consider autism spectrum/Aspergers (et al) to be 'disorders' at all, rather they are part of who we are as individuals.
'Autism' is not a noun, it is an adjective. One does not 'have autism', rather one 'is autistic'. It is not a thing to be caught nor 'cured', it is just a collection of traits that are part of the base programing, the 'OS' of our brains, that are installed at the instant of conception. And this forvm is a place where those traits, along with the ideas and opinions that they foster, tend to shine through and find a home, a place for them to be brought out and discussed in a totally intelligent manner.
Stick with us, improve your 'feel' for this forvm and feel free to chime in. If a posted thought fails to find a response, so be it, just chime in again when the next one enters your mind.
Enjoy! :cool:
Mike
Depends on who you ask. Some spiritual people will say it is personality, but a scientific individual will say its a medical condition.
However, go to a doctor and say you have it they won't treat it, as if you were born before 1990, you are too old to get tested for it as Pshcych Point in Orlando says you have to be a child to be diagnosed despite in the 1970's when I grew up in, had no idea it existed and kept those with low attention span billed as being a typical daydreamer. So therefore they could not be tested at the said age that he said they should.
I only wish that the feds would except spectrums for grounds for disability, as one girl I know has a brother that cannot work or hold a job due to Aspergers, but Social Security says its not an illness to collect. So meanwhile he has to live at home and be taken care of by her mother as he cannot make a life for himself.
Finally responding to the OP's original post...
Quote from: 707 on July 31, 2018, 01:24:54 AM
I've been debating this for a few years now. The sarcastic demeanor and lack of support at times really gets to me. I don't know if it's because I'm autistic or not, but I do admit to having sensitivity issues from time to time. Either way, I try to post something or take part in conversations or larger topics, where usually I'm met with little support for any small projects, tons of sarcasm (which I assume is people trying to be funny), statements or non-question related posts receiving less than positive attention or responses sometimes and some posts or questions largely ignored or pushed aside. Recently, I was targeted by a group of bullies in an unrelated setting which lead to me losing almost all my friends and having to restart my social life. Due to that, the feelings of frustration or disappointment due to issues encountered on the forum felt more intense than usual, with the other incident magnifying the feelings. I while ago, I tried to compile some driving directions for different incarnations of US 80 through the south. I put a lot of hard work into it and got very little positive feedback and mostly people just telling me everything I was doing wrong, then at one point when I did get a good draft with all the necessary corrections, everyone fell silent. As one can guess, that lead me to abandon the small project all together. It felt meaningless and stupid since no one seemed to like what I was doing.
Overall, some of the responses I've received over the years and some of these issues I've brought up give me the feeling I'm seen as a nuisance around the forum or a minor annoyance. That people generally don't like me here. I do my best to be the best community member I can, but I feel like nothing's working. Maybe I should just stop doing the same things over again, expecting a different result and just quit already? I don't know.
This is what I find: Often times, what I find significant or important, others don't. I'll prove many of my points with links or quotes to official documentation, often state websites and such. Rarely do I get a response. Yet, if I or someone posts a subjective opinion on the same subject, it can create a firestorm.
Some of me often thinks why do I bother. It takes time to research and pull up the official documents, which in some cases are tough to locate. At least it educates me on what the law or rule is, which gives me some satisfaction, even though I wished people would be more receptive to such posts.
I continue to do what I do, knowing full well it's probably not going to result in much of a response from anyone.
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Due to that, the feelings of frustration or disappointment due to issues encountered on the forum felt more intense than usual, with the other incident magnifying the feelings.
I repeated this from your original post because I find it true as well. I wished I had better relations with many in these forums, because when it comes down to it, there are very few of us with this common interest and bond. You can find a multitude of stamp collecting and bird watching forums. You're going to find approximately 1 roadgeek forum.
Granted, I know that I have done some things to sever some of these relationships, which I'm well aware of. So that hurts me knowing that I'm certainly at fault there. I'm well aware that I need to reach out more on a personal level. I guess that in the years before this forum (to show that this forum has nothing to do with it), there was some sort of distance that developed with me and others, so I'm more of one to sit back and wait for the invite, rather than the other way around.
Never give up. I'm on the spectrum myself (diagnosed in 1995, or "the dark ages") I continually amaze myself every day and think if I'd given up, I'd miss out.
Regarding spectrum disorders, I find the suggestion that they aren't disorders to be, for lack of a better word, offensive. If they aren't classified as disorders, then medical professionals wouldn't feel the need to treat them.
So, for my son, he would have never received the necessary therapy and training to cope with his Asperger's Syndrome diagnosis, for there wouldn't have been a disorder to address. But, because of the diagnosis, instead of throwing a tantrum with every unexpected change in plan, isolating him socially, he is now someone who is successful academically and has a group of friends. Therefore, better diagnosed as a disorder than not.
I think the big problem is when you have it all in your family! It had the tendency to be like here you can fight even over things that you agree with.
Aspergers can be passed on and if you have it chances are your mom or you dad had it first.
Yes with a little work you can make it. The problem is those around you need to have patience and let you speak. Many either do not want to take the time to listen or think that they are helping you by not letting you finish a sentence or ramble. Even though it is how many make their point in the roundabout way, to them others will think that you have no clue yourself what kind of a point you are making.
You can learn how to make empathy and like on Star Trek with Spock using logic to get by with his lack of empathy you can do it well. You also need more time and yes, you can eventually find to understand others and make them understand you. Yes, the world today being too damned fast pace does create a big challenge as you finally get used to something, its obsolete, but having faith and also to train yourself that your own emotions are lying to you like when you feel guilty for something petty. That, even though is challenging, can be overcome. It will confuse you a bit so you may need to heed advice from others when you are dealing with wrongfully felt feelings before you continue.
Autism is certainly a disorder, and it helps to be diagnosed if you have it. Even with that said, I personally consider Asperger's to be a part of who I am as a person. This is primarily because Asperger's can often cause people to have very specific (not many different ones, but a select few), unusual, and very intense interests. This is why I think that my own Autism had a huge hand in me being the very strong roadgeek that I am. I am intensely interested in roads, and they play a huge part in my day-to-day life. I wouldn't want to live my life without the intense, unusual interests (primarily roads) I have, and I would not have wanted to live without Asperger's (note this is Asperger's specifically - high-functioning Autism - severe autism is obviously a much different story, as that is much more disabling). That might sound nuts, but it is true. I still have the struggles that come with Asperger's/Autism (but in a much lesser form than people who have it more severe since I am high-functioning). I am not that great at reading emotions. I think people are laughing or crying sometimes when they're doing the opposite or even nothing at all. Since I have a perceptual set for pessimism (as discussed in an earlier post of mine upthread), I usually think people are much angrier or enraged than they actually are. The autism makes it hard for me to accurately interpret emotions, and this is compounded by the fact that I have a pessimistic mind-set, and that clouds my view with interpreting things as much, much more negative than they actually are. My eye contact is incredibly awkward (I'm usually staring at someone's cheek, or my eyes are constantly moving in every other direction other than the person's face). And many of the other things that Asperger's/Autism can make it hard to do. But basically, yes the struggles that come with it aren't fun, but for me personally the benefits of my intense, unusual, and passionate interests outweigh all the struggles I face with the Asperger's. There is also the photographic memory that comes with it. This allows me to draw Interstate/city maps somewhat accurately of all lower-48 states by memory. This is also how when I read things and learn things (whether online or in a book/on paper, I will often recite material possibly sometimes almost verbatim as how it was written when I read it and learned it. I'm not trying to copy the wording (or general gist of it) on purpose, but my photographic memory makes this a very common occurrence for me. I wouldn't want to live without it. However, this definitely does not apply to the other things I have. Psychological disorders, also known as mental illnesses (which is a separate class than the one Autism is in), are absolute chaos and have no benefits, at least for me personally. I have several mental illnesses, including stuff like Depression and OCD, and I would gladly live without all of those. I have only had these since starting a few years ago, not my whole life like Asperger's. Asperger's influenced who I am and me being a hardcore roadgeek, but my mental illnesses only try everything in their power to take that away from me or impair it in some massive way. For me, I consider Asperger's to be a gift I would never want to live without, and the mental illnesses to be curses from hell that are the primary reason I am now permanently disabled to some extent. They've even actually made my autism worse, bringing out the struggles that Asperger's comes with more than they ever were before. A few years ago (primarily mid-2012 to mid-2014) was the most normal I ever was. Unfortunately that's life, but I must move on. These mental illnesses are horrific, but they have caused me to take a massive interest in Psychology. I've tried to learn everything I can about them, and I now understand my own self better than ever before. I see my own Autism as a gift, on my personal level. It certainly isn't for everyone, especially for those people with very severe Autism. In any case whatsoever, Autism is a disorder. It comes with struggles - if it is high-functioning (Asperger's), it can come with gifts as well. In every case, people with autism should be allowed treatment to help them function better. When I was very young my autism was more noticeable than it was later on, a few years ago. I got lots of help, I was diagnosed, I had a speech therapist at school (for a long time I had trouble pronouncing the "th" sound correctly, IIRC), and more. I was also very sensitive to sensory things (such as loud fire alarms), but the severity of that has decreased as well. Autism may run in my family, as I have a cousin who has it as well, and of course I have it. Unfortunately, mental illnesses do as well. My great uncle had schizophrenia, and unfortunately I found the same fate as well. I'm truly glad I had the chance to live without any of those devils until the age of 14-and-a-half. Naturally, I wish those days never ended, but I am truly glad I at least have the opportunity to access those beautiful memories in my brain. I can never let myself forget them. I am moving forward now, but some of my heart will always be in the past. I will try to live my life in the best way possible with the capacity that I do have, even if it isn't perfect.
Wow, it's been done. The wall has been built.
Quote from: jakeroot on August 01, 2018, 12:37:16 PM
Well then you're lying to yourself. Autism and/or ASD are both legally developmental disorders.
One has to be careful with hewing to legal or even medical diagnostic definitions on some things. Until recently LGBT individuals were classed as mentally ill according to some medical documentation.
Quote from: mgk920 on August 01, 2018, 11:21:13 AM
Every person is a little bit nuts, just in wildly varying ways.
I think this is profoundly true. In my experience and observation everyone is weird in some way. The only questions are the degree and the visibility.
I've often spoken with people who were discouraged thinking they themselves were too weird. I tell people if you know someone who you don't think is really weird in some way, then you just don't know them well enough. The closer you know someone, anyone, the more you see the weird things. Sometimes it's small things, sometimes big things. But everyone's got 'em.
To me, it's the weird things that make people interesting. When I look back on my life, the places I've lived, the people I've known, and the friends I've had, I see that the people I enjoyed spending time with the most have been people who others thought were "weird." It's been true all my life and it's still true for me now.
So yeah, we're glad you're here.
Quote from: Scott5114 on August 02, 2018, 04:01:02 AM
Quote from: jakeroot on August 01, 2018, 12:37:16 PM
Well then you're lying to yourself. Autism and/or ASD are both legally developmental disorders.
One has to be careful with hewing to legal or even medical diagnostic definitions on some things. Until recently LGBT individuals were classed as mentally ill according to some medical documentation.
Was there actual science behind those diagnoses? I'm guessing things have changed a bit, since AFAIK Autism/ASD have not always been widely recognized.
I would like to know why they cannot say its an illness. Considering that they feel different and cannot tell others feelings, see cues or feel empathy means something inside the brain is not functioning well. Asperger's creates Bipolar which itself is considered a mental illness but considering itself is something that is not of a normally functioning chemical process, that too should be considered an illness.
As far as the LGTBT community goes, at one time it was considered irregular just as once going over the speed limit was considered breaking the law. Now over 85 percent of the people do it and though technically it is, it is not being you do not get cited (except maybe in GA to an out of stater or out of the county tag) these days.
True you are talking about the medical community and they are the ones that consider the definitions and not Westboro, Jimmy Swaggert, or the Right Wing as that is technically opinion of the individual. The former does indeed matter when defining an illness.
Considering that many from Autism cannot hold jobs and such for that sake some government program should classify one as unfit to obtain money to pay for bills.
Quote from: qguy on August 02, 2018, 08:39:19 AM
Quote from: mgk920 on August 01, 2018, 11:21:13 AM
Every person is a little bit nuts, just in wildly varying ways.
I think this is profoundly true. In my experience and observation everyone is weird in some way. The only questions are the degree and the visibility.
I've often spoken with people who were discouraged thinking they themselves were too weird. I tell people if you know someone who you don't think is really weird in some way, then you just don't know them well enough. The closer you know someone, anyone, the more you see the weird things. Sometimes it's small things, sometimes big things. But everyone's got 'em.
To me, it's the weird things that make people interesting. When I look back on my life, the places I've lived, the people I've known, and the friends I've had, I see that the people I enjoyed spending time with the most have been people who others thought were "weird." It's been true all my life and it's still true for me now.
So yeah, we're glad you're here.
http://youtu.be/pesBEKdAo7I
Quote from: roadman65 on August 02, 2018, 05:26:34 PM
I would like to know why they cannot say its an illness. Considering that they feel different and cannot tell others feelings, see cues or feel empathy means something inside the brain is not functioning well. Asperger's creates Bipolar which itself is considered a mental illness but considering itself is something that is not of a normally functioning chemical process, that too should be considered an illness.
I feel that we should clarify that just because one has a hard time with body language, facial expressions, etc. does not mean they don't feel empathy. People with Autism/Aspergers may not as aware of what other people are feeling, but when they become aware, they feel empathy just like others... sometimes moreso. In fact, recent theories believe the those with Autism/Aspergers actually feel
too much empathy! That would be why we have issues with eye contact - what for most people is regular emotional communication is very, very intense for us and likely hinders us learning these things.
In my case, the fact that I'm an INFJ and have Aspergers leaves me in a weird place. Being INFJ helps blunt the worst of the Aspergers, but at the same time the two also cancel out the best of each other - I have neither the logical/thinking skills of someone with Aspergers, nor the emotional skills of an INFJ. I do have some creativity, but am not good enough to use it for anything useful.
My need for routine, planning things well in advance (I'm talking at least a couple weeks to a month just to do something on a Saturday) and time to recharge also makes a normal social life effectively impossible for me. I do feel lonely fairly often because of it.
In any case, with the increasing emphasis on "soft skills" in the workplace, those of us with Autism/Aspergers are becoming increasingly unemployable.
Quote from: vdeane on August 02, 2018, 10:34:46 PM
Quote from: roadman65 on August 02, 2018, 05:26:34 PM
I would like to know why they cannot say its an illness. Considering that they feel different and cannot tell others feelings, see cues or feel empathy means something inside the brain is not functioning well. Asperger's creates Bipolar which itself is considered a mental illness but considering itself is something that is not of a normally functioning chemical process, that too should be considered an illness.
I feel that we should clarify that just because one has a hard time with body language, facial expressions, etc. does not mean they don't feel empathy. People with Autism/Aspergers may not as aware of what other people are feeling, but when they become aware, they feel empathy just like others... sometimes moreso. In fact, recent theories believe the those with Autism/Aspergers actually feel too much empathy! That would be why we have issues with eye contact - what for most people is regular emotional communication is very, very intense for us and likely hinders us learning these things.
In my case, the fact that I'm an INFJ and have Aspergers leaves me in a weird place. Being INFJ helps blunt the worst of the Aspergers, but at the same time the two also cancel out the best of each other - I have neither the logical/thinking skills of someone with Aspergers, nor the emotional skills of an INFJ. I do have some creativity, but am not good enough to use it for anything useful.
My need for routine, planning things well in advance (I'm talking at least a couple weeks to a month just to do something on a Saturday) and time to recharge also makes a normal social life effectively impossible for me. I do feel lonely fairly often because of it.
In any case, with the increasing emphasis on "soft skills" in the workplace, those of us with Autism/Aspergers are becoming increasingly unemployable.
Very well said, vdeane!
Another thing is that us people with autism may feel empathy, but we may not always know how to express it. Someone could tell me terrible news and I could feel incredibly saddened and feel lots of sorrow and empathy, but I could easily be sitting there with a blank face and little expression at first. More often than not, though, I will usually be much more emotional and react more heavily to the situation later on (perhaps a few hours later). Sometimes the emotions I exhibit could also be the complete opposite of what I actually feel or what is appropriate for the situation. Sometimes I laugh at inappropriate times, and sometimes I cry at inappropriate times, but it is completely beyond my control, and it doesn't reflect what I actually feel. Sometimes what we actually feel, and the emotions and expressions, or lack thereof, that we actually exhibit don't quite match up.
Have we recently seen from the OP of this thread?
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Due to that, the feelings of frustration or disappointment due to issues encountered on the forum felt more intense than usual, with the other incident magnifying the feelings.
I can relate. Sometimes I go to great lengths just to troll certain people, and I get frustrated when they don't bite. :-D :-D :-D :-D
Quote from: mgk920 on August 03, 2018, 11:02:15 AM
Have we recently seen from the OP of this thread?
Mike
Gave up on the thread?
Sorry for vanishing for a bit. I've been busy dealing with private life for a while. I wanted to thank everyone for the support and one of the users for a helpful PM helping to explain something about a person that bothered me a while back. My apologies for bumping this up to date, but I need to give acknowledgement and gratitude where its due. Thanks again everyone for your supportive and kind words. I'm glad I'm not alone out here. :)