Worst Christmas Song

[LilianaUwU]

I've been growing less and less interested in Christmas songs over the years, to a point where if I gotta go anywhere I have my headphones in with obviously better music such as SiIvaGunner rips and other shitposts. As for the answer, All I Want For Christmas Is You, by far.

[mikereaser]

My nomination is The Christmas Shoes, which, listening to it for the first time, tugs at your heartstrings.  Then, you go over the lyrics and it's disgusting:

1) God cares what shoes we die in?
2) We should pay our last dime to buy such?

It's commercialism of Christmas at its worst.

You've heard Patton Oswalt's deconstruction and destruction of The Christmas Shoes, yes?

[Rothman]

My nomination is The Christmas Shoes, which, listening to it for the first time, tugs at your heartstrings.  Then, you go over the lyrics and it's disgusting:

1) God cares what shoes we die in?
2) We should pay our last dime to buy such?

It's commercialism of Christmas at its worst.

You've heard Patton Oswalt's deconstruction and destruction of The Christmas Shoes, yes?

Well, I have now.

[1995hoo]

This one is pretty darn bad, but I suppose because it's a children's novelty song it perhaps doesn't deserve the same level of derision as others:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxomWFi3qZc

[kphoger]

I'm on the side of the line that considers Baby, It's Cold Outside a song of mutual flirtation and the haters read too much of a modern take into the lyrics.

That said, if people can't accept that phrasing has changed meaning over the years ("fun drink" versus "secret drugging"), then it's just unfortunate that the resulting offense prevents the song from continuing to be broadcasted.

Agreed with you on all points.

The lyrics really sound to me like the inner turmoil of two lovers deciding between (a) parting ways before their romantic urges get the better of their self-control and (b) giving in to those urges and saying To hell with it!

But some phrases just haven't aged well into our modern era.  "I ought to say no" implies nowadays that she's being pressed against her will, even if that wasn't the song's original intent.  The very next line, "At least I'm gonna say that I tried", very poetically shows the inner tension going on—that she only plans to give a token effort at turning down his advances, just enough to make herself feel better later on—but such subtlety gets drowned out by other phrases.  And that's the problem, when you get down to it:  the lyrics are so full of hints and shadows and tension, that a casual listening doesn't tease out that real meaning, and instead all listeners hear are things like "what's in this drink?".

Well, the man does have good points, and credit him for offering to hold her hands that are "just like ice", and also to take her hat while complimenting on her swell-looking hair. Also, if nothing else, he is being honest in bringing up the fact that there are "no cabs to be had out there," plus I see concern in him while he points out her potential death if she takes her chances with the raging storm. "So really I'd better scurry"? How about calling your folks and inform them you're all right?

OK, you went further than I'm prepared to go.  The man in that song is clearly the more eager of the two for their night together to get more ... umm ... shall we say, intimate.  This doesn't mean it's a matter of sexual harassment or abuse or anything, but it also means he's not exactly the perfect gentleman.  My point was merely that the woman in the song is only half-interested in resisting his advances, because she also wants it too—she's just also paying more attention to her better judgment than he is.

By the way, as for the whole "Say, what's in this drink?" line...  When my wife asks me to mix her a cocktail, and then either she really likes it or else she notices it's stronger than she expected, that's exactly the sort of question she asks me.  Judging by the context of the verse that line is in, I think it implies that the drink is a strong one, and she's starting to notice its effect on her self-control.  That's no more predatory on his part than when I make a stiff drink for my own wife.



By the way, it makes me happy that we're this far into the thread and nobody has nominated Dominick the Donkey.  I can only presume this means everyone considers it to be an excellent Christmas song.

[formulanone]

By the way, it makes me happy that we're this far into the thread and nobody has nominated Dominick the Donkey.  I can only presume this means everyone considers it to be an excellent Christmas song.

Thankfully, it doesn't get too much airplay as to spoil it.

[CtrlAltDel]

My feeling is, if we're going to secularize Christmas as much as we have, and take the religion out of it, despite the name of the holiday, we should rename the holiday to something else.

In Futurama, they used Xmas.

Similar to how the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has morphed into something else.

Did they rename the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?

[kphoger]

My feeling is, if we're going to secularize Christmas as much as we have, and take the religion out of it, despite the name of the holiday, we should rename the holiday to something else.

In Futurama, they used Xmas.

Of course, the X in Xmas comes from the centuries-old scribal shorthand for 'Christ', because the Greek word for Christ begins with the letter Χ.  Thus, Xmas means Christmas in the most literal sense possible.

[1995hoo]

By the way, it makes me happy that we're this far into the thread and nobody has nominated Dominick the Donkey.  I can only presume this means everyone considers it to be an excellent Christmas song.

I was thinking about that the other day because it was performed at our office Christmas party on Tuesday (it is a favorite of one particular colleague). I commented that I couldn't help but wonder what all the snowflaky 20-somethings think about a song that might be deemed stereotypical by some people.

My feeling is, if we're going to secularize Christmas as much as we have, and take the religion out of it, despite the name of the holiday, we should rename the holiday to something else.

In Futurama, they used Xmas.

Of course, the X in Xmas comes from the centuries-old scribal shorthand for 'Christ', because the Greek word for Christ begins with the letter Χ.  Thus, Xmas means Christmas in the most literal sense possible.

I always roll my eyes at the hyper-fundamentalist types who think "Xmas" is "irreverent" or "disrespectful." They're probably the same people who feel that "if English was good enough for Jaysus Christ, it's good enough for you."

The Catholics ....

I'm not sure what to make of this wording. Apparently it's considered disrespectful these days to refer to black people as "the blacks" (Trump did that in 2016, saying "I've always had a good relationship with the blacks," and it sparked a minor firestorm because it was deemed offensive). Certainly people are cautious about saying "the Jews" (some people won't even use the word "Jew" at all, which is a bit extreme in terms of being overly cautious). I'm not sure how saying "the Catholics" is any different.

[tmoore952]

The Catholics ....

I'm not sure what to make of this wording. Apparently it's considered disrespectful these days to refer to black people as "the blacks" (Trump did that in 2016, saying "I've always had a good relationship with the blacks," and it sparked a minor firestorm because it was deemed offensive). Certainly people are cautious about saying "the Jews" (some people won't even use the word "Jew" at all, which is a bit extreme in terms of being overly cautious). I'm not sure how saying "the Catholics" is any different.

At the risk of revealing more about myself than I want:
I am a Catholic. I am speaking from my experience. The (or one) answer to the "after Dec 25" question is religious denominations. I can only speak to what I know, hence I did not mention other denominations. It may make a difference whether the person saying "The "such-and-such-a-group"" is actually a member of that group.

Since this is so offensive, I will delete my earlier post.

[CtrlAltDel]

My feeling is, if we're going to secularize Christmas as much as we have, and take the religion out of it, despite the name of the holiday, we should rename the holiday to something else.

In Futurama, they used Xmas.

Of course, the X in Xmas comes from the centuries-old scribal shorthand for 'Christ', because the Greek word for Christ begins with the letter Χ.  Thus, Xmas means Christmas in the most literal sense possible.

Unicode is fun!

[kphoger]

The Catholics ....

I'm not sure what to make of this wording. Apparently it's considered disrespectful these days to refer to black people as "the blacks" (Trump did that in 2016, saying "I've always had a good relationship with the blacks," and it sparked a minor firestorm because it was deemed offensive). Certainly people are cautious about saying "the Jews" (some people won't even use the word "Jew" at all, which is a bit extreme in terms of being overly cautious). I'm not sure how saying "the Catholics" is any different.

Please tell me you don't say "Catholic people" instead.   

Or "Catholic-Americans" ...

[1995hoo]

The Catholics ....

I'm not sure what to make of this wording. Apparently it's considered disrespectful these days to refer to black people as "the blacks" (Trump did that in 2016, saying "I've always had a good relationship with the blacks," and it sparked a minor firestorm because it was deemed offensive). Certainly people are cautious about saying "the Jews" (some people won't even use the word "Jew" at all, which is a bit extreme in terms of being overly cautious). I'm not sure how saying "the Catholics" is any different.

Please tell me you don't say "Catholic people" instead.   

Or "Catholic-Americans" ...

What's wrong with just plain "Catholics"? Why is the article "the" apparently needed?

[kphoger]

What's wrong with just plain "Catholics"? Why is the article "the" apparently needed?

Nothing's wrong with just plain "Catholics".  But you're the one who compared using the article to "the blacks" (black people, or African-Americans?) and "the Jews" (Jewish people, or Jewish Americans?).  I don't know.  ?

Out of curiosity, what is your preferred shorthand way of referring to members of the Eastern Orthodox traditions in the same verbal context?  "Of course, Orthodoxes celebrate Christmas in January" ??

[CtrlAltDel]

I always roll my eyes at the hyper-fundamentalist types who think "Xmas" is "irreverent" or "disrespectful." They're probably the same people who feel that "if English was good enough for Jaysus Christ, it's good enough for you."

Just to play devil's advocate here (haha), not every Mr. Smith out there would be happy being called Mr. S.

[jeffandnicole]

Of course, the X in Xmas comes from the centuries-old scribal shorthand for 'Christ', because the Greek word for Christ begins with the letter Χ.  Thus, Xmas means Christmas in the most literal sense possible.

I always roll my eyes at the hyper-fundamentalist types who think "Xmas" is..."disrespectful."...

I had a coworker many years ago that felt this way. He took it as the X was crossing out Christ.

Of course, my mom who believes I still believes I'm in elementary school tried telling me recently that Xmas was shorthand for Christmas.  I came close to drawing blood biting my lip, ultimately just saying "I know".

[kphoger]

I always roll my eyes at the hyper-fundamentalist types who think "Xmas" is "irreverent" or "disrespectful." They're probably the same people who feel that "if English was good enough for Jaysus Christ, it's good enough for you."

Just to play devil's advocate here (haha), not every Mr. Smith out there would be happy being called Mr. S.

Yeah, said medieval scribes certainly weren't pronouncing it as "Exmas" either.

[GaryV]

I always roll my eyes at the hyper-fundamentalist types who think "Xmas" is "irreverent" or "disrespectful." They're probably the same people who feel that "if English was good enough for Jaysus Christ, it's good enough for you."

When I was in college, there was a local congregation that paid for a column in the newspaper every week. We read it for laughs. They spouted all kinds of opinions. One of them was like the above sentiment. You didn't need all the new translations of the Bible, the King James was good enough, and the Holy Spirit would interpret it for you. In this day and age, that church's opinions would be online somewhere, and I could ask them, "Why don't you read the Bible in it's original Hebrew and Greek, if it doesn't need a modern-language translation?"

Another fun opinion was that hymns should be sung without musical accompaniment, because in the Bible it said Jesus and the Disciples sung a hymn, and it doesn't mention any instruments. They said you might argue that David played a harp, but that didn't count because David also was an adulterer.

[1995hoo]

What's wrong with just plain "Catholics"? Why is the article "the" apparently needed?

Nothing's wrong with just plain "Catholics".  But you're the one who compared using the article to "the blacks" (black people, or African-Americans?) and "the Jews" (Jewish people, or Jewish Americans?).  I don't know.  ?

Out of curiosity, what is your preferred shorthand way of referring to members of the Eastern Orthodox traditions in the same verbal context?  "Of course, Orthodoxes celebrate Christmas in January" ??

The last time I made reference to that sort of thing, I was explaining something to my wife and I think I said something along the lines of, "Some of the Orthodox Churches haven't adopted the Gregorian calendar and they map the civil date onto the old Julian calendar to determine the dates for holy days. That includes celebrating Christmas on January 7." Or something like that, anyway. For what it's worth, not all of the Orthodox Churches use the Julian calendar for ecclesiastical purposes—the Finnish Orthodox Church celebrates Easter according to the Gregorian calendar and the Estonian Apostolic Orthodox Church used to do the same (but doesn't anymore). I don't know when the Finnish Orthodox Church celebrates Christmas (I'm not going to ask Poiponen13, of course), but I note they observe the Circumcision of Christ on January 1, so that would imply December 25 (the circumcision coming eight days after Christmas per Luke 2:21).

[kphoger]

I could ask them, "Why don't you read the Bible in it's original Hebrew and Greek, ..."

Obvious answer:  none of the originals have survived, so far as we know.   

what is your preferred shorthand

Some of the Orthodox Churches

That's the equivalent of saying "the Roman Catholic Church", not shorthand for referring to the people therein.

[MikeTheActuary]

Last Christmas by Wham

Last Christmas

Ouch, I really like this song! Time to give it another listen.

I like that song too. In addition to the Wham original, the cast of Glee and Ariana Grande both have nice cover versions.

I'm not a fan of Last Christmas, but I am amused by participating in a pool of actuaries playing Whamageddon each holiday season.

[Rothman]

Dominick the Donkey is one of my favorite Christmas songs.

[NWI_Irish96]

Dominick the Donkey is one of my favorite Christmas songs.

Never heard of that one. My two favorites are "The Night Santa Went Crazy" and "Christmas at Ground Zero"

[kphoger]

Dominick the Donkey is one of my favorite Christmas songs.

Never heard of that one.

You'll either love it or hate it.  But, with any luck, even if you hate it, it'll grow on you.

[LilianaUwU]

Similar to how the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has morphed into something else.

Did they rename the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?

Since when is Eminem considered "rock and roll"? Great artist, but not a rock and roll artist despite his presence in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.