Gratuitous use of curse / swear / vulgar words.

[skluth]

Would you say it in front of your grandma? Would you say it in front of your grandchild? Would you say it to the CEO  or Executive Director of your work organization / company? Would you say it over a microphone in a corporate setting? Would you say it amongst a group of strangers in your hometown?

The answer to all of these questions is "it depends."  I've worked at a few law firms where the lawyers cursed like drunken sailors.

Having been a drunken sailor a time or several, I'll say that's a perfect time to swear. No kids around. Overly macho environment. It used to be all male at sea, but times have changed since I served. That said, it was very hard to stop swearing regularly when I left the Navy. It just becomes part of your regular speech. I still struggle with it and it's been almost 40 years now.

I will say there have been movies where I preferred that they were edited for TV because I thought the profanity was out of place and I had no idea why the director thought it made the scene better. I'm not advocating for censorship of movies as Blazing Saddles should never be edited. I just think directors should use it when it fits the context and not because they're trying for some rating or some BS "authenticity" where it's not authentic.

[roadman65]

I heard a guy swear out loud in a restaurant. It was after 10pm and a family with kids came in, in which the guy was swearing against the chagrin of the parents. The manager asked the guy politely to tone it down and he went off saying kids should be in bed after 9 pm and it was the parents fault for taking them out past their bedtime.

Then three drunk guys were at another bar swearing out loud where they got me offended. Usually swearing don't bother me but these guys were doing it too much and too loudly. Not to mention either swearing at Beaumont, TX or a person they new with the Beaumont surname several times got my attention.  The manager ended up throwing the guys out, but refused to leave resulting in the cops being called. However they left before the cops came, but banned from the establishment. It's not what you say, but how say it is what got me offended.

[JayhawkCO]

I heard a guy swear out loud in a restaurant. It was after 10pm and a family with kids came in, in which the guy was swearing against the chagrin of the parents. The manager asked the guy politely to tone it down and he went off saying kids should be in bed after 9 pm and it was the parents fault for taking them out past their bedtime.

To some degree, I agree with the profane guy. But at the same time, it's not hard to be polite when asked. I will say that there is a time and place for things and if you bring in kids to a bar and you hear profanity, well, your kids aren't in the right environment. (I'm aware this was a restaurant, not a bar.)

Then three drunk guys were at another bar swearing out loud where they got me offended. Usually swearing don't bother me but these guys were doing it too much and too loudly. Not to mention either swearing at Beaumont, TX or a person they new with the Beaumont surname several times got my attention.  The manager ended up throwing the guys out, but refused to leave resulting in the cops being called. However they left before the cops came, but banned from the establishment. It's not what you say, but how say it is what got me offended.

These things annoy me; they don't offend me.

[TheHighwayMan3561]

The strange thing: I curse pretty heavily, yet I agree with the basic premise especially as it relates to minced oaths or euphemisms designed as attention-grabbers in advertising. One ad that drove me nuts was this:

Female VO: Let's talk about the F-word!
*crowd gasps with clips of panicking cute animals* (I think?)
VO: No, not *that* F-word!

There was also some grocery chain out of my region that talked about how "F'n convenient" they were, or that Walmart ad recently with the dad cussing at gas prices and his daughter promptly shoving a swear jar in his face. It's not amusing to me, it's lazy script writing.

[Rothman]

Once I was at a mid-tier restaurant with fellow paralegals in DC.  One of us was loud and swearing.  I suspect to this day that the level of service we got -- cordial, but rushed -- was to get him out of there.

People can defend swearing all they want, but it can have negative consequences due to the reactions of others.

...

Of course, for those of us with clean mouths, the phenomenon of people cleaning up their language to match or even apologizing when a swear comes out -- without me saying one way or other if I care -- has always fascinated me.

[ethanhopkin14]

Yes, I think there is way too much cursing in general now.  I am not saying I am perfect and don't swear.  I don't like putting swear words in writing so that's why I keep this forum clean.  I do try sometimes to tone it down, and frankly I wish I would stop entirely. 

This is what I see.  people in general swear when out and about.  I used to not hear it at all 30 or so years ago except certain environments.  Maybe hanging with your buddies and no parents or children were around, but even then, it was used sparingly. I think now days people swear so much they can't say one sentence without using at least three different swear words. 

About 30 to 40 years ago, swearing was only in R rated movies.  If you look back on all the great 80s films, they were all rated PG so they had mild swearing.  There wasn't a lot of R rated movies back then because it was harder to market them because they wanted the young demographic and they actually cared back then not to market an R movie to kids.  There was no swearing, not even a dang or a heck on most over the air sitcoms.  Cable was a new thing, but they ran their business the same as the over the air channels despite not being governed by the FCC.  Most people in situations had the couth to keep the language clean when out and about and there was a chance for people to be overheard. 

Now, we have the internet, streaming, TikTok and the others with zero regulations so cursing is done at will.  We have directors and producers who think anything vulgar makes people come see the show, so a lot of times in streaming shows the profanity is very gratuitous.  I can't tell you how many times my wife has her head in the phone watching these stupid TikTok videos and these regular people are trying to do some dumb challenge, it goes sideways and then F bombs go everywhere, and of course everyone laughs about the language.  Other TikToks have some song in the background with vulgar language.  I think people in general have taken that mentality of cursing being everywhere to the grocery store, the park, the bus, Target and the mall which are all places people used to sensor themselves at out of respect of the person next to them and they may get offended by harsh language.  It's funny to me, in a time when everyone is supposedly supposed to be nicer and not offend everyone, no one has a problem dropping F-bombs around everywhere when someone might offend.  The streaming side of it has affected the over the air networks too.  When you wouldn't hear any swearing before, now some harsher (but not F word level) swearing can be heard on NBC, CBS and ABC (of course it's on FOX). 

At a certain point the gratuitous swearing does offend me because I get mad that people have no decency anymore.  I am not saying I hate those words, but after a day of listening to people curse constantly at work, then the road, then the store and then in my neighborhood, the last thing I want to do is put on a Netflix show or a movie that uses cursing over the top to the point where there would be no dialog if you cut out the cursing.  I watch movies to escape reality, not bring reality back in my life. 

Yes, I have a problem with commercials that try to use implied profanity as their gimmick.  Booking.com used to have "it's a great booking deal" as one of their slogans, full well knowing they were going for the angle you might mishear that as the f-word.  Yes, the aforementioned Walmart commercial with the dad cursing over gas prices bothers me, because it implies swearing with your kid in the car is the norm.  There is a country music song about a kid spilling a drink and then dropping profanity where the singer goes on to say he heard it from his dad, and there is no reprimand for him using the bad language, only "son want to be like dad, isn't that awesome!"  Texting has worsened the effect.  You have acronyms like WTF and AF and people throw that wound everywhere, and no one seems to bat an eye about what the F stands for.  I can't tell you how many inappropriate bumper stickers I see in a day, something saying or implying the F word or something graphic about sex. 

What is odd to me is swearing still seems to have some of the same effect in some cases that it used to when it was used sparingly.  I was told by a friend to watch a certain local band on a certain night because the lead drop F-bombs, and said it in a way that it makes the experience great.  I also heard someone give a review of a Michael Buble show and one of the highlights was "there were F-bombs"!  My hatred for Adam Sandler comes from his first album when it was F-bomb after F-bomb.  All my friends thought it was hilarious when I realized right away, he was going for the easy laugh by making the material vulgar.  It amazes me when people think that gratuitous cursing actually elevates the experience because for me, it detracts from it, and eventually gets to the point that I don't want to watch/be at the concert anymore. 

I am bothered by how profane as a society we have become.  I think it goes hand and hand with how inconsiderate people have gotten. 

[bwana39]

Would you say it in front of your grandma? Would you say it in front of your grandchild? Would you say it to the CEO  or Executive Director of your work organization / company? Would you say it over a microphone in a corporate setting? Would you say it amongst a group of strangers in your hometown?

The answer to all of these questions is "it depends."  I've worked at a few law firms where the lawyers cursed like drunken sailors.

Would you say it in Court?

[abefroman329]

I will say there have been movies where I preferred that they were edited for TV because I thought the profanity was out of place and I had no idea why the director thought it made the scene better. I'm not advocating for censorship of movies as Blazing Saddles should never be edited. I just think directors should use it when it fits the context and not because they're trying for some rating or some BS "authenticity" where it's not authentic.

I don't know if I've ever seen a film or TV show (or play, for that matter) where the swearing was gratuitous or out of character.  And I do think it's possible to use profanity effectively.  Exhibit A:

[abefroman329]

Would you say it in front of your grandma? Would you say it in front of your grandchild? Would you say it to the CEO  or Executive Director of your work organization / company? Would you say it over a microphone in a corporate setting? Would you say it amongst a group of strangers in your hometown?

The answer to all of these questions is "it depends."  I've worked at a few law firms where the lawyers cursed like drunken sailors.

Would you say it in Court?

I was just a paralegal, so I didn't say anything in court. But if you think a lawyer has never sworn in front of a judge while they're in chambers, and/or a judge has never sworn in front of a lawyer while they're in chambers, then I have some oceanfront property in Kansas that I'd like to sell you at a fair price.

[bwana39]

Once I was at a mid-tier restaurant with fellow paralegals in DC.  One of us was loud and swearing.  I suspect to this day that the level of service we got -- cordial, but rushed -- was to get him out of there.

People can defend swearing all they want, but it can have negative consequences due to the reactions of others.

...

Of course, for those of us with clean mouths, the phenomenon of people cleaning up their language to match or even apologizing when a swear comes out -- without me saying one way or other if I care -- has always fascinated me.

I once was in a takeout lobby. The cashier issued a curse. She quickly apologized.   One of the people in the lobby was a pastor. He picked up the moment to make it even more poignent. "He called out...Ohhhhhh... you cussed in front of the preacher......" I think it was tongue in cheek, but it sure got some nervous giggles from the crowd.

[hotdogPi]

Would you say it in front of your grandma? Would you say it in front of your grandchild? Would you say it to the CEO  or Executive Director of your work organization / company? Would you say it over a microphone in a corporate setting? Would you say it amongst a group of strangers in your hometown?

The answer to all of these questions is "it depends."  I've worked at a few law firms where the lawyers cursed like drunken sailors.

Would you say it in Court?

I was just a paralegal, so I didn't say anything in court. But if you think a lawyer has never sworn in front of a judge while they're in chambers, and/or a judge has never sworn in front of a lawyer while they're in chambers, then I have some oceanfront property in Kansas that I'd like to sell you at a fair price.

People swear, often under oath, all the time in court. But do they use profanity in court?

[bwana39]

Would you say it in front of your grandma? Would you say it in front of your grandchild? Would you say it to the CEO  or Executive Director of your work organization / company? Would you say it over a microphone in a corporate setting? Would you say it amongst a group of strangers in your hometown?

The answer to all of these questions is "it depends."  I've worked at a few law firms where the lawyers cursed like drunken sailors.

Would you say it in Court?

I was just a paralegal, so I didn't say anything in court. But if you think a lawyer has never sworn in front of a judge while they're in chambers, and/or a judge has never sworn in front of a lawyer while they're in chambers, then I have some oceanfront property in Kansas that I'd like to sell you at a fair price.

I said IN COURT. In the COURTROOM...

[JayhawkCO]

Would you say it in front of your grandma? Would you say it in front of your grandchild? Would you say it to the CEO  or Executive Director of your work organization / company? Would you say it over a microphone in a corporate setting? Would you say it amongst a group of strangers in your hometown?

The answer to all of these questions is "it depends."  I've worked at a few law firms where the lawyers cursed like drunken sailors.

Would you say it in Court?

I was just a paralegal, so I didn't say anything in court. But if you think a lawyer has never sworn in front of a judge while they're in chambers, and/or a judge has never sworn in front of a lawyer while they're in chambers, then I have some oceanfront property in Kansas that I'd like to sell you at a fair price.

I said IN COURT. In the COURTROOM...

I very well might. If I was a witness in a case and was quoting the defendant? Sure. I wouldn't edit my recollection.

[Dirt Roads]

But I've heard women use it too. However that like blacks using the N word among each other or Polish people using the Pollock word among each other. Heck I've told Polish jokes in my youth and my dad would sometimes say the Pollock word when citing other Polish guys he knew.

Very early on my freshman year in college, I met someone down the hall from New York who had never met anyone from West Virginia.  He really wanted to make fun of West Virginians, but refused to do so unless I made fun of his Italian heritage first.  I knew some good ethnic jokes, but did not want to start out my college days by making sport of anybody for any reason.  After several weeks of unrelenting pursuit, I finally caved in and gave him my best one.  I'm not good at one-liners that are not transportation-related, but this one must have hit the mark, as we became great friends.  He actually didn't have any West Virginia jokes at all, and I had to give him a few good ones.

The next year, the same thing happened.  Except this time, the fellow was an African-American from an upscale suburban neighborhood in Tidewater.  He was having a hard time fitting in with other Black folks on campus, and he really wanted the Appalachian folks on the hall to hit him with the worst ethnic slurs possible.  He was also unrelenting for the whole year, but I didn't cave in this time (don't even want to catch myself thinking those kind of thoughts).  But he talked a fellow from the Tri-Cities into this, and they became best friends.  At one point, this fellow dressed up his Tennessee friend (who was a really big fellow) as a Klansman, then asked him to close his door and come back out when he knocked.  The two of them got into a completely fake argument and the Black fellow simply picked up ole' Tennessee and threw him over his shoulder and carried him down the hallway.  It was funny, but I still didn't cave in.  We eventually became really good friends, but it never was as good as he wanted the friendship.

Looking back on all of this, I probably should have used the same principle to both relationships.

[ethanhopkin14]

Would you say it in front of your grandma? Would you say it in front of your grandchild? Would you say it to the CEO  or Executive Director of your work organization / company? Would you say it over a microphone in a corporate setting? Would you say it amongst a group of strangers in your hometown?

The answer to all of these questions is "it depends."  I've worked at a few law firms where the lawyers cursed like drunken sailors.

Would you say it in Court?

I was just a paralegal, so I didn't say anything in court. But if you think a lawyer has never sworn in front of a judge while they're in chambers, and/or a judge has never sworn in front of a lawyer while they're in chambers, then I have some oceanfront property in Kansas that I'd like to sell you at a fair price.

I think he means any time you are in court, for anything, would you say it?  Would you take your neighbor to court for building something on your lawn and walk into the courtroom and ask the judge "how the F are you?"

[abefroman329]

I think he means any time you are in court, for anything, would you say it?  Would you take your neighbor to court for building something on your lawn and walk into the courtroom and ask the judge "how the F are you?"

It. Depends.

I think we all agree that profanity is appropriate in some situations and inappropriate in others, so I'm not sure why the fact that I (probably) wouldn't swear in front of a judge is supposed to be some sort of gotcha moment.

[bwana39]

I will say there have been movies where I preferred that they were edited for TV because I thought the profanity was out of place and I had no idea why the director thought it made the scene better. I'm not advocating for censorship of movies as Blazing Saddles should never be edited. I just think directors should use it when it fits the context and not because they're trying for some rating or some BS "authenticity" where it's not authentic.

I don't know if I've ever seen a film or TV show (or play, for that matter) where the swearing was gratuitous or out of character.  And I do think it's possible to use profanity effectively.  Exhibit A:

While I wish it were mostly absent on TV including most streaming channels. I agree that there are situations where swearing is justified and useful for the plot or attitude of the media.  I saw Roger Waters a couple of months ago. There was seldom a sentence on the video that lacked an F-Bomb.  It was gratuitous, perhaps even intended to be offensive.

While I mentioned Yellowstone, 1923 is where the use of F-bombs is excessive and over the top.  I remember in my twenties a drunken friend (female) said it over and over. Why? Because she ****ing could.  Just because you can say something (anything) doesn't mean you should.

[ethanhopkin14]

I will say there have been movies where I preferred that they were edited for TV because I thought the profanity was out of place and I had no idea why the director thought it made the scene better. I'm not advocating for censorship of movies as Blazing Saddles should never be edited. I just think directors should use it when it fits the context and not because they're trying for some rating or some BS "authenticity" where it's not authentic.

I don't know if I've ever seen a film or TV show (or play, for that matter) where the swearing was gratuitous or out of character.  And I do think it's possible to use profanity effectively.  Exhibit A:

While I wish it were mostly absent on TV including most streaming channels. I agree that there are situations where swearing is justified and useful for the plot or attitude of the media.  I saw Roger Waters a couple of months ago. There was seldom a sentence on the video that lacked an F-Bomb.  It was gratuitous, perhaps even intended to be offensive.

While I mentioned Yellowstone, 1923 is where the use of F-bombs is excessive and over the top.  I remember in my twenties a drunken friend (female) said it over and over. Why? Because she ****ing could.  Just because you can say something (anything) doesn't mean you should.

On most "reality" shows, they will air and everyone on the show lets the F bombs fly.  now, the beep them out (not bleep, it's a beep) and even I find that infuriating.  Used to, if someone cursed, they usually cut that content entirely because, not only would they not air the word, but they wouldn't air the context leading up to the word for fear that people would get offended by hearing the context.  Alot of times, if cursing was present, they just cut it entirely from the audio.  The beeps now I swear are a way to draw attention to the cursing, and in many way (particularly when kids are around) it can be equally offensive.

After typing all that, I want to make it clear that I am not offended like I can't believe my virgin ears are hearing this.  I am offended like, "why does everything have to be so filthy."  Its more that I am disappointed in our society. 

[webny99]

Jokes aside, society has become too vulgar with its word choices. I think the most gratuitous example is a subreddit that I sometimes see on my home page, "r/interestingasf***". And when I see it, I'm thinking: is that really necessary? Do you really need to browse a forum with a name like that?

I think the same thing almost every time I click on a certain Google Maps thread on this forum.

I'll turn it around. Just out of curiosity, when you do think it is appropriate to use profanity? (For the record, I've cursed in front of the owner of companies that I've worked for. Pick and choose a time, sure, but it was fitting given the context.)

Never. Even if it might be deemed "appropriate" in some contexts and not in others, when you boil it right down it's never actually necessary. As a good friend of mine once said (I believe repeating something he was told as a kid), swearing just means you're lacking vocabulary. I couldn't agree more, and he's certainly proved it by coming up with some pretty hilarious expressions to use instead (think Captain Haddock).

[JayhawkCO]

I'll turn it around. Just out of curiosity, when you do think it is appropriate to use profanity? (For the record, I've cursed in front of the owner of companies that I've worked for. Pick and choose a time, sure, but it was fitting given the context.)

Never. Even if it might be deemed "appropriate" in some contexts and not in others, when you boil it right down it's never actually necessary. As a good friend of mine once said (I believe repeating something he was told as a kid), swearing just means you're lacking vocabulary. I couldn't agree more, and he's certainly proved it by coming up with some pretty hilarious expressions to use instead (think Captain Haddock).

I mean, it's never necessary to use the word "lacking". You could have said missing, deficient, without, sans, etc. But you said it anyway. Necessity isn't the best measure. And, really, what difference is there between saying "Mother Trucker" and M*** F***? We know what you mean. Why do a string of letters get people so bent out of shape?

[formulanone]

I'll turn it around. Just out of curiosity, when you do think it is appropriate to use profanity? (For the record, I've cursed in front of the owner of companies that I've worked for. Pick and choose a time, sure, but it was fitting given the context.)

Never. Even if it might be deemed "appropriate" in some contexts and not in others, when you boil it right down it's never actually necessary. As a good friend of mine once said (I believe repeating something he was told as a kid), swearing just means you're lacking vocabulary. I couldn't agree more, and he's certainly proved it by coming up with some pretty hilarious expressions to use instead (think Captain Haddock ).

I mean, it's never necessary to use the word "lacking". You could have said missing, deficient, without, sans, etc. But you said it anyway. Necessity isn't the best measure. And, really, what difference is there between saying "Mother Trucker" and M*** F***? We know what you mean. Why do a string of letters get people so bent out of shape?

It's attention-robbing after a while, that's what. When the same extreme words are used repeatedly, they lose their meaning, remove context, and don't have the same emphasis. The words themselves were meant to explain religious, reproductive, or excretory functions but wound up being used in place of more meaningful discussion. They are just words just as these are no more than pixels. But if they're used towards an individual, they're far more potent, and one has the right to be offended by it; after all, words have meaning and the user is responsible for those actions. But towards anything else, it's just an example of polarizing talk which waters down discussion to the lowest common denominator, which reduces the value and form of language.

See what I mean?

[JayhawkCO]

I'll turn it around. Just out of curiosity, when you do think it is appropriate to use profanity? (For the record, I've cursed in front of the owner of companies that I've worked for. Pick and choose a time, sure, but it was fitting given the context.)

Never. Even if it might be deemed "appropriate" in some contexts and not in others, when you boil it right down it's never actually necessary. As a good friend of mine once said (I believe repeating something he was told as a kid), swearing just means you're lacking vocabulary. I couldn't agree more, and he's certainly proved it by coming up with some pretty hilarious expressions to use instead (think Captain Haddock ).

I mean, it's never necessary to use the word "lacking". You could have said missing, deficient, without, sans, etc. But you said it anyway. Necessity isn't the best measure. And, really, what difference is there between saying "Mother Trucker" and M*** F***? We know what you mean. Why do a string of letters get people so bent out of shape?

It's attention-robbing after a while, that's what. When the same extreme words are used repeatedly, they lose their meaning, remove context, and don't have the same emphasis.

See what I mean?

I know your post is tongue in cheek, but I've actually heard that before. If I say something is effing amazing, I want emphasis, much like Spanish uses ísimo (i.e. muchísimo gracias meaning thank you so, so much). That loses the f-words meaning as much as had I said "very, very amazing" reduces the meaning of "very".

[webny99]

I'll turn it around. Just out of curiosity, when you do think it is appropriate to use profanity? (For the record, I've cursed in front of the owner of companies that I've worked for. Pick and choose a time, sure, but it was fitting given the context.)

Never. Even if it might be deemed "appropriate" in some contexts and not in others, when you boil it right down it's never actually necessary. As a good friend of mine once said (I believe repeating something he was told as a kid), swearing just means you're lacking vocabulary. I couldn't agree more, and he's certainly proved it by coming up with some pretty hilarious expressions to use instead (think Captain Haddock).

I mean, it's never necessary to use the word "lacking". You could have said missing, deficient, without, sans, etc. But you said it anyway. Necessity isn't the best measure. And, really, what difference is there between saying "Mother Trucker" and M*** F***? We know what you mean. Why do a string of letters get people so bent out of shape?

The difference is that the word "lacking" was part of my actual point, whereas profanity is usually an additive and wouldn't have to be replaced with a synonym.

No comment on the second part... I hesitated to even contribute to this thread because I didn't want to get into that debate, and I don't want to box myself into the corner of sounding supremely self-righteous, which is where that would be headed even though that's not how I meant it. 

[roadman65]

My friend with ADHD I mentioned in another thread, did a stupid something I didn't like. We were talking about the George Floyd thing. I thought my friend was telling me the cop had a history of drug related stuff. And when I tried to verify who he meant as he used the pronoun "him"  which could be either the cop or Floyd, he clarified by using the N word.

Needless to say I stopped being friends with him immediately. aDHD or not, he was fully aware of his racist remark. I de friended him on FB and blocked his number and don't miss the guy anyhow for other reasons too.

[JayhawkCO]

I'll turn it around. Just out of curiosity, when you do think it is appropriate to use profanity? (For the record, I've cursed in front of the owner of companies that I've worked for. Pick and choose a time, sure, but it was fitting given the context.)

Never. Even if it might be deemed "appropriate" in some contexts and not in others, when you boil it right down it's never actually necessary. As a good friend of mine once said (I believe repeating something he was told as a kid), swearing just means you're lacking vocabulary. I couldn't agree more, and he's certainly proved it by coming up with some pretty hilarious expressions to use instead (think Captain Haddock).

I mean, it's never necessary to use the word "lacking". You could have said missing, deficient, without, sans, etc. But you said it anyway. Necessity isn't the best measure. And, really, what difference is there between saying "Mother Trucker" and M*** F***? We know what you mean. Why do a string of letters get people so bent out of shape?

The difference is that the word "lacking" was part of my actual point, whereas profanity is usually an additive and wouldn't have to be replaced with a synonym.

No comment on the second part... I hesitated to even contribute to this thread because I didn't want to get into that debate, and I don't want to box myself into the corner of sounding supremely self-righteous, which is where that would be headed even though that's not how I meant it. 

That's the point I'm making though. "Lacking" could have been replaced by any of those other words I suggested. In the context of my quote, "effing" could be replaced by absolutely, awe-inspiringly, ridiculously, etc. But, it wasn't. Just like "lacking" wasn't in your case. Had I said "this post is ridiculously awesome", you wouldn't have told me the word "ridiculously" was unnecessary. I just don't understand the hand-wringing that takes place because of the choice of one synonym or another.