Favorite Expressions

[kphoger]

Drain the swamp, blast the bunker?

[Max Rockatansky]

"Illinois isn't flat"

"I didn't say it, Teddy Roosevelt did."

[roadman65]

Suffering Succotash
Oh brother.
Gollllly.

[abefroman329]

When was it that people stopped farting?

The National Anti-Farting Act of 1995.

You ought to run for Senate and get that repealed. ("This is not just my platform; it's a bunker! And we should have the freedom to blast it!")

"Our forefathers didn't pack their Dutch ovens in their covered wagons for nothing!"

[kphoger]

"Don't blame me.  Talk to Juan and Cindy."

(from a 1991 Dilbert comic strip)

[kkt]

I like the expression "Tough toilets", which means the same as "Tough luck."

I find myself saying "tough shit" sometimes, which is odd because French is my main language, not English.

And the English speaker would say "Pardon my French" after saying it.

I should start saying "pardonnez-moi pour mon anglais".

[Scott5114]

One time I was relating to my supervisor how much one of my coworkers was struggling with some basic task and the first thing that popped into my head was "It was like watching a dolphin trying to buy groceries", and he thought it was so hilarious he was unable to talk for like 30 seconds. I've tried to find another place to work it into conversation since then, but haven't been able to.

[kphoger]

One time I was relating to my supervisor how much one of my coworkers was struggling with some basic task and the first thing that popped into my head was "It was like watching a dolphin trying to buy groceries", and he thought it was so hilarious he was unable to talk for like 30 seconds. I've tried to find another place to work it into conversation since then, but haven't been able to.

Jeff Foxworthy:  "like a monkey doing a math problem"

[thspfc]

3x+1

[LilianaUwU]

"Illinois isn't flat"

"I didn't say it, Teddy Roosevelt did."

I'm bringing this back:

[Max Rockatansky]

"Illinois isn't flat"

"I didn't say it, Teddy Roosevelt did."

I'm bringing this back:

[bandit957]

"If the shoe fits, wear it. And if it feels good, put it on."

[dlsterner]

"If the shoe fits, wear it. And if it feels good, put it on."

"Don't criticize a man unless you've walked a mile in his shoes.  Then you have a new pair of shoes and he's a mile away."

[dlsterner]

"Like a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest."

In the same vein:
"Like watching a three-legged cat trying to bury a turd on a frozen ice pond."

[kphoger]

I made one up a while ago that I like:

When God closes a door... stop trying to open it.

[webny99]

"When all was said and done, more was said than done"

~ possible motto for the forum, or at least the fictional board? 

[GaryV]

I hear, "To make a long story short ..."

And I think, "Too late."

[ethanhopkin14]

Picking gnat shit out of pepper.

I find most sayings overdone and/or misquoted.

"Throw a monkey wrench in my plan"   It's just a wrench.  A monkey wrench is something else entirely.

[kphoger]

... misquoted.

"Throw a monkey wrench in my plan"   It's just a wrench.  A monkey wrench is something else entirely.

Says who?  The phrase "threw a monkey-wrench into" as a metaphor for ruining someone's plans goes back at least 130 years.

Bland's action in insisting upon amending the Stewart bill has been severely criticised. He is charged with occupying the position of the man who threw a monkey-wrench into a threshing machine because he was not allowed to feed it.

[1995hoo]

The other night my wife was watching a show about Benjamin Franklin on PBS and they quoted some of his pithy sayings. I quite liked this one:

The greatest monarch on the proudest throne is obliged to sit upon his own arse.