Minor things that bother you

[kphoger]

When people refer to their significant other as "partner".

It seems like it used to be a term only used by the LGBTQ community when marriage wasn't legal yet (so there wasn't a good "status" to use), but nowadays it seems like a good amount of people use it for any kind of romantic relationship. Is it to be gender neutral? Is it to be purposely vague whether or not you're married? My wife is my wife. Yeah, she's my partner in life, but I would never use the term "partner" to indicate her relation to me. In my head, it just sounds hoity toity.

Here's my take:

If you're married, then she's your wife.
If you're engaged to be married, then she's your fiancée.
If you're cohabiting but not engaged, then she's your girlfriend or your lover.

My theory is that "girlfriend" sounds too juvenile and "lover" sounds too salacious for people's tastes, so they've picked up the label "partner" from the LGB community.

One alternative is "lady friend", but I'm not aware of a suitable male equivalent to that term.

[JayhawkCO]

When people refer to their significant other as "partner".

It seems like it used to be a term only used by the LGBTQ community when marriage wasn't legal yet (so there wasn't a good "status" to use), but nowadays it seems like a good amount of people use it for any kind of romantic relationship. Is it to be gender neutral? Is it to be purposely vague whether or not you're married? My wife is my wife. Yeah, she's my partner in life, but I would never use the term "partner" to indicate her relation to me. In my head, it just sounds hoity toity.

Here's my take:

If you're married, then she's your wife.
If you're engaged to be married, then she's your fiancée.
If you're cohabiting but not engaged, then she's your girlfriend or your lover.

My theory is that "girlfriend" sounds too juvenile and "lover" sounds too salacious for people's tastes, so they've picked up the label "partner" from the LGB community.

One alternative is "lady friend", but I'm not aware of a suitable male equivalent to that term.

I've heard "man friend" as a joke too.

It seems like "partner" is particularly widespread among Europeans that I meet. I just don't understand.

[kphoger]

My wife is my wife. Yeah, she's my partner in life, but I would never use the term "partner" to indicate her relation to me.

I actually do occasionally call my wife my "partner".  But I don't do so in the third person.  Rather, I say it to her directly as a way of affirming our marriage:  "You're my partner".

[JayhawkCO]

My wife is my wife. Yeah, she's my partner in life, but I would never use the term "partner" to indicate her relation to me.

I actually do occasionally call my wife my "partner".  But I don't do so in the third person.  Rather, I say it to her directly as a way of affirming our marriage:  "You're my partner".

Yeah, no problem with that. I'm only "complaining" about situations like "my partner told me to take out the trash".

[kphoger]

People not looking where they're walking. Walking really slowly. Walking smack in the middle of a narrow corridor. Stopping in the middle of a narrow corridor.

X1000 at airports. Families who believe the only way they can walk through an airport is if the entire family is side by side, creating a giant, slow, flying wedge blocking dozens of people trying to get to a flight on time.

Or what my kids do:  open the door, walk in, then just stand there in the doorway while they look around and try to figure out which way to go.

[abefroman329]

It seems like "partner" is particularly widespread among Europeans that I meet. I just don't understand.

The incentives to get married are lower in, well, any country that offers universal healthcare and doesn't offer tax benefits for being married.

[kkt]

When people refer to their significant other as "partner".

It seems like it used to be a term only used by the LGBTQ community when marriage wasn't legal yet (so there wasn't a good "status" to use), but nowadays it seems like a good amount of people use it for any kind of romantic relationship. Is it to be gender neutral? Is it to be purposely vague whether or not you're married? My wife is my wife. Yeah, she's my partner in life, but I would never use the term "partner" to indicate her relation to me. In my head, it just sounds hoity toity.

"Partner" has been used by many people for various reasons.  If a couple were living together but not married, the census described that at POSSLQ, Person of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters, and you can see why that didn't catch on in general use.

"Partner" means more than just sharing an apartment to save money, but less than a long-term commitment.

[kphoger]

If a couple were living together but not married, the census described that at POSSLQ, Person of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters, and you can see why that didn't catch on in general use.

Pronounced poss-lick, I can only assume.  Sounds like someone who has inappropriate relations with American marsupials.

[abefroman329]

When my wife worked in child welfare, the preferred term to describe one half of a pair of non-married cohabitating adults was "paramour"

[JayhawkCO]

When people refer to their significant other as "partner".

It seems like it used to be a term only used by the LGBTQ community when marriage wasn't legal yet (so there wasn't a good "status" to use), but nowadays it seems like a good amount of people use it for any kind of romantic relationship. Is it to be gender neutral? Is it to be purposely vague whether or not you're married? My wife is my wife. Yeah, she's my partner in life, but I would never use the term "partner" to indicate her relation to me. In my head, it just sounds hoity toity.

"Partner" has been used by many people for various reasons.  If a couple were living together but not married, the census described that at POSSLQ, Person of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters, and you can see why that didn't catch on in general use.

"Partner" means more than just sharing an apartment to save money, but less than a long-term commitment.

I'm mostly referring to those in long term committed relationships (whether or not they are officially married, I guess I don't know) but the term is used anyway.

[kphoger]

I'm mostly referring to those in long term committed relationships (whether or not they are officially married, I guess I don't know) but the term is used anyway.

I've noticed that, if it's truly a committed long-term relationship, then those folks are likely to at occasionally use the term 'husband' or 'wife' just for the sake of simplicity.  In fact, it's not uncommon to hear something like 'So my boyfriend, husband, whatever, anyway, Mark called me from work the other day...'

[JayhawkCO]

Apparently I'm not the only one that's noticed: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2019/01/21/forget-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-why-millennials-are-using-word-partner/

[J N Winkler]

It seems like "partner" is particularly widespread among Europeans that I meet. I just don't understand.

It's the accepted journalistic term in the UK for unmarried people in long-term cohabiting relationships.  I see it all the time in the Guardian.  I've also seen it in a New Yorker article about a Welshman trying to persuade the town of Newport to allow him to root around in the dump for a 15-year-old discarded laptop that is his only access point to a digital wallet with millions of pounds' worth of Bitcoin.  Meanwhile, a more recent New Yorker article (by a different writer) used the term girlfriend for the unmarried long-term female companion of a man driving his 13-year-old daughter to Santa Teresa, New Mexico for an abortion.

[kphoger]

I try to use 'girlfriend' and 'boyfriend' as much as possible, even for adults.

However, at a certain age point, it really doesn't work so well.  For example, my sister was born in 1974.  She got married less than ten years ago to a man who was born in 1948.  It didn't really seem appropriate to refer to a man who was 70 years old–and older than my father–as my sister's 'boyfriend'.  But I hardly ever referred to him in the third person anyway, except by name among people who already knew who he was.  I wouldn't have gone with 'partner', though, so perhaps I still would have gone with 'boyfriend'...  The term 'partner' still has strong LGB connotations to me.

[jakeroot]

I use SO pretty often. "Significant Other" . But also girlfriend, since that's what we are, plus we're not "old"  per se.

[J N Winkler]

I know we live in the age of the Boomer girlfriend/boyfriend.  However, I try to steer clear of those words for married-but-in-name relationships unless the people talked about use them in reference to each other or otherwise signal those are their preferred terms, because they carry a connotation of impermanency.  People in committed relationships who do not get married tend to be very conscious of the fact that they are not legally bound, whether it is an intentional choice (often to avoid gambling on divorce) or something backed into through inertia.

While I do notice it when a heterosexual couple describe themselves as partners, I don't see the term as being particularly associated with the LGBTQIA+ community.  Especially with full nationwide marriage equality since 2015, it seems to me more common for gay guys to speak of husbands and lesbian women to speak of wives.

[kphoger]

I use SO pretty often. "Significant Other" .

See, for some reason I think of that term as rather passé.  Like maybe a term from the 90s?

For what it's worth, here are the results of a British survey from 2019:

While I do notice it when a heterosexual couple describe themselves as partners, I don't see the term as being particularly associated with the LGBTQIA+ community.  Especially with full nationwide marriage equality since 2015, it seems to me more common for gay guys to speak of husbands and lesbian women to speak of wives.

That's been my experience as well.  Yet, for whatever reason, the term still carries an LGB connotation to me–even if that isn't the way most people are currently using it.

[TheHighwayMan3561]

Apparently I'm not the only one that's noticed: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2019/01/21/forget-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-why-millennials-are-using-word-partner/

Interesting, because one of the thoughts I was having was that "partner" being used by some was similar to cisgender people putting their pronouns on stuff - a way to show support for LGBT people where people may not be outing themselves as anything, but they talked to a gay man in the article who doesn't really appreciate it and feels like straight people sort of took it away from them.

[kphoger]

1.  When you put the trash out at night, but then the truck doesn't come by the next day because it's a holiday.

2.  When you don't put the trash out at night because the next day is a holiday, but then the truck comes by anyway.

[1995hoo]

This discussion of the word "partner" makes me think of one that doesn't really "bother" me per se but that I've always thought is weird–the way women will use the term "girlfriend" to refer to their female friends generally regardless of age (e.g., "I'm meeting a girlfriend for lunch tomorrow"). I'm not talking about the way some black women draw out the word, either (like "GIRL-friennnnnd"). I mean in ordinary, generic usage. Men do not use the term "boyfriend" like that–the only time I've ever heard any males use that word to refer to their own friends is when both parties in question are homosexual.

[kphoger]

This discussion of the word "partner" makes me think of one that doesn't really "bother" me per se but that I've always thought is weird–the way women will use the term "girlfriend" to refer to their female friends generally regardless of age (e.g., "I'm meeting a girlfriend for lunch tomorrow"). I'm not talking about the way some black women draw out the word, either (like "GIRL-friennnnnd"). I mean in ordinary, generic usage. Men do not use the term "boyfriend" like that–the only time I've ever heard any males use that word to refer to their own friends is when both parties in question are homosexual.

Ladies even have the term "guy friend" to refer to a friend who is male but not romantically involved.  The closest we men can get to that, I think, might be "female friend".

[kphoger]

While I do notice it when a heterosexual couple describe themselves as partners, I don't see the term as being particularly associated with the LGBTQIA+ community.

One minor thing that bothers is me when people use LGBT(QIA+) when referring to something that is specific only to the LGB part or specific only to the T part.  I think this bothers me for a few reasons:

1.  It's lazy.  Instead of figuring out which segment of the population should be represented, the person just throws the whole alphabet in there because at least part of it is correct.

2.  The string of letters is getting outrageously long.  Labels, for whatever they're worth, should be short and to the point, easily communicating what is meant by them.

3.  It lumps together various groups of people who don't, themselves, necessarily consider themselves to be one "community".  That is, it assumes that everyone who is L or G or B or Q is also sympathetic to transgender issues.  And it assumes that everyone who is T is also sympathetic to gay issues.  It's my understanding that such is not the case.

For these reasons, I generally do the following:

a.  I use LGB when referring to matters of homosexuality.  In my mind, the Q gets lumped in with those three, even though I realize it isn't an exact fit.  I might at some point use LGBQ instead, but even four letters seems a bit long to me.

b.  I just say Trans or Transgender when referring to those matters.  As with the previous note, in my mind, the I gets lumped in with the T here, even though I realize it isn't an exact fit.

c.  I'm not sure what do with the A, because it seems to stand for a variety of things, depending on who you ask.  So I just ignore it entirely.  Not the best solution, but whatever.

[kkt]

I avoid using the "girlfriend" and "boyfriend" terms for any but the most casual of relationships.  It sounds like kids in middle school who hit each other on the shoulder to show they like each other.

"Partner" is a useful generic term for someone who may be close enough to file taxes jointly or visit the other in the hospital without needing permission from the real family.

[Scott5114]

While I do notice it when a heterosexual couple describe themselves as partners, I don't see the term as being particularly associated with the LGBTQIA+ community.

One minor thing that bothers is me when people use LGBT(QIA+) when referring to something that is specific only to the LGB part or specific only to the T part. 

LGBTQ people have more in common than we do differences. And historically, people have sought to turn each of the various components of that label against each other to divide and conquer. Best to just use the whole acronym to avoid looking like that's what you're trying to do. And, of course, there are plenty of people who are trans who are also one of the other letters in the acronym (in fact, I think that's more common than not).

In my opinion, a good place to cut it off is after the Q–"queer" has essentially become a catch-all term for "anyone who isn't strictly straight and cisgender". While it's a noble goal to include everyone that the acronym could possibly cover, it starts diminishing the utility of the term when it takes up half of the amount of time it takes to say a single sentence it's included in.

[kphoger]

LGBTQ people have more in common than we do differences. And historically, people have sought to turn each of the various components of that label against each other to divide and conquer. Best to just use the whole acronym to avoid looking like that's what you're trying to do. And, of course, there are plenty of people who are trans who are also one of the other letters in the acronym (in fact, I think that's more common than not).

Example:  transgender athletes.  This is not an LGB issue.  So it bothers me when people describe the argument as an LGBTQ issue.

My wife's favorite cousin, David, is named after his father.  Uncle David has always been an avid ice hockey player, up in the Twin Cities area.  Maybe twelve years ago (or more?) he transitioned, was divorced by his wife, changed his name to Dana, and continues to play ice hockey–now on a women's team instead of a men's team.  When I hear people describe the transgender athletics debate in "LGBTQ" terms, it makes me think of the other women on that ice hockey team, and it makes me wonder if any of them are lesbian.  I imagine that a gay woman and a straight woman being body-checked out there on the ice might actually see the issue from a similar perspective.  (My wife's sister is lesbian, but she isn't an athlete, yet now I'm curious to know her opinion on the matter anyway.)

Another example would be Iran, where sex reassignment surgery is legal–with numerous pre-requisites and other obstacles, plus severe social stigma, of course–and people who have transitioned can actually receive a new birth certificate with the other gender marked, but where homosexual activity is punishable by death.  I haven't studied the matter in depth by any stretch, but it's easy to imagine that quite a number of trans advocates would not likewise advocate for LGB agendas.

I avoid using the "girlfriend" and "boyfriend" terms for any but the most casual of relationships.  It sounds like kids in middle school who hit each other on the shoulder to show they like each other.

Does the term 'lady friend' have the same connotation as 'girlfriend', or does it sound less casual?

I keep thinking of this thread, because my wife and I are watching Burn Notice, and the term 'lady friend' is used in nearly every episode.