Harassing/abusive personal messages

[hbelkins]

Is there a mechanism to report or otherwise deal with abusive and harassing personal messages on the forum?

I received two of them yesterday from the same individual. The first one came around 7:30 last night and was shockingly profane.

Go fuck yourself.
You're a piece of shit. No fucking wonder I think Americans are stupid as hell.

The second one came in the middle of the night and was a veiled threat.

Because it wasn't clear enough...
You should be ashamed of your political positions, H.B. I'll make sure the next four years will be hell for you.

Worst regards,
Liliana

I have had very little interaction with this guy on the forum, certainly none of a political nature, and no interactions in real life or on other forums or sites. He posts some interesting Canadian sign photos, but other than that, he's insignificant to me. Why he would attack me out of the blue is a mystery to me. I know I'm not the only politically and socially conservative American on this site.

Nevertheless, I don't appreciate the profane, abusive intrusion into my personal messages and my email notifications. I don't see a function in my personal messages to report his offensive messages to me. So I'm doing it here.

[1995hoo]

For what it's worth, the "Forum Guidelines" thread says as follows:

Due to the fact that the private messages people send to other members are, well, private, we will not do anything about harassing messages via PMs. The good thing is that you can block people from sending PMs to you, see this help topic for details.

[hbelkins]

Thanks, that's helpful. (Maybe, I can't find the option to block a sender anywhere.)

 

For what it's worth, the "Forum Guidelines" thread says as follows:

Due to the fact that the private messages people send to other members are, well, private, we will not do anything about harassing messages via PMs. The good thing is that you can block people from sending PMs to you, see this help topic for details.

[1995hoo]

It looks like you have to put the poster in question on your ignore list and then go into the PM settings (click at the top of the screen where it says "My Messages" and you'll see "Settings" on the resulting dropdown), click the "Preferences" tab, and tell it to allow messages from all members except those on your ignore list. There doesn't appear to be an option that would allow you to block PMs from a user while still routinely seeing that user's posts out on the main forum.

[JayhawkCO]

It looks like you have to put the poster in question on your ignore list and then go into the PM settings (click at the top of the screen where it says "My Messages" and you'll see "Settings" on the resulting dropdown), click the "Preferences" tab, and tell it to allow messages from all members except those on your ignore list. There doesn't appear to be an option that would allow you to block PMs from a user while still routinely seeing that user's posts out on the main forum.

Looks like there is; it's just convoluted.

Messages->Preferences->Manage Rules

Under Choose Criteria:, choose Sender Name

Type in the person's username

Under Select an Action:, choose Delete message


All that being said, sending someone crappy private messages is still 100% uncalled for, and I'm all for outing the person for the messages they sent.

[hbelkins]

I actually turned private messaging off for everyone except admins.

Like I said, he posts some interesting Canadian sign content, so I don't want to stop seeing that, but I'd prefer not to be harassed in my inbox.

I would never think of sending a message like that to him or anyone else. I responded to his messages privately and civilly (asking what prompted his outburst; at the time of the first one, only three states had been called in the presidential election, and the prevailing opinion at that time was that the outcome would be different than how it turned out).

If he wants to respond, he can do it in this thread.

[7/8]

All that being said, sending someone crappy private messages is still 100% uncalled for, and I'm all for outing the person for the messages they sent.

Agreed, but so is repeatedly calling her a "he" when her profile clearly states otherwise.

[JayhawkCO]

All that being said, sending someone crappy private messages is still 100% uncalled for, and I'm all for outing the person for the messages they sent.

Agreed, but so is repeatedly calling her a "he" when her profile clearly states otherwise.

I can agree with that as well.

[kalvado]

All that being said, sending someone crappy private messages is still 100% uncalled for, and I'm all for outing the person for the messages they sent.

Agreed, but so is repeatedly calling her a "he" when her profile clearly states otherwise.

I can agree with that as well.

Figuring out she/he requires some level of personal recognition. Just looking at the posts, HB had very little interaction with Liliana  and that is on totally neutral topics. And reading that small print in profile... I am not sure I would do that for someone dropping out of nowhere and trying to insult me 

[hotdogPi]

Liliana is clearly a feminine name.

That said, the PMs were absolutely unjustified.

[JayhawkCO]

All that being said, sending someone crappy private messages is still 100% uncalled for, and I'm all for outing the person for the messages they sent.

Agreed, but so is repeatedly calling her a "he" when her profile clearly states otherwise.

I can agree with that as well.

Figuring out she/he requires some level of personal recognition. Just looking at the posts, HB had very little interaction with Liliana  and that is on totally neutral topics. And reading that small print in profile... I am not sure I would do that for someone dropping out of nowhere and trying to insult me 

Had HB not had "I identify as vaccinated" as his signature for several years, I'd probably agree with you that it was just an innocent mistake.

That said, if you purposely insult someone else via PM, you have to deal with the consequences, and some of those might be insults in return.

tl;dr, just be nice to people.

[Henry]

I have nothing but the utmost respect for LGBTQ people, but calling other people "pieces of shit" and telling them to "go fuck themselves" is totally uncalled for, and it needs to stop. I'm all for a three strikes system, where you get the following:

*First strike: Warning
*Second strike: Suspension for a specified period of time (can't log in, post or send PMs)
*Third strike: Permanent ban

Long story short, let's all keep it civilized.

[Hunty2022]

I have nothing but the utmost respect for LGBTQ people, but calling other people "pieces of shit" and telling them to "go fuck themselves" is totally uncalled for, and it needs to stop. I'm all for a three strikes system, where you get the following:

*First strike: Warning
*Second strike: Suspension for a specified period of time (can't log in, post or send PMs)
*Third strike: Permanent ban

Long story short, let's all keep it civilized.

I second this.

[kalvado]

I have nothing but the utmost respect for LGBTQ people, but calling other people "pieces of shit" and telling them to "go fuck themselves" is totally uncalled for, and it needs to stop. I'm all for a three strikes system, where you get the following:

*First strike: Warning
*Second strike: Suspension for a specified period of time (can't log in, post or send PMs)
*Third strike: Permanent ban

Long story short, let's all keep it civilized.

But you see, private messages are, well, private. And i am not sure if it's a good idea to let admins go into that. It's probably possible to extract that from the database - but that is a can of worms by itself.

[Molandfreak]

I won't defend Liliana for this, but I will say it is a double standard if she gets any lasting consequences for this incident since Terry Shea received no consequences for telling Rothman to cut out his frontal lobe.

[JayhawkCO]

I have nothing but the utmost respect for LGBTQ people, but calling other people "pieces of shit" and telling them to "go fuck themselves" is totally uncalled for, and it needs to stop. I'm all for a three strikes system, where you get the following:

*First strike: Warning
*Second strike: Suspension for a specified period of time (can't log in, post or send PMs)
*Third strike: Permanent ban

Long story short, let's all keep it civilized.

But you see, private messages are, well, private. And i am not sure if it's a good idea to let admins go into that. It's probably possible to extract that from the database - but that is a can of worms by itself.

Not sure what the admin tools allow for, but if they can see the messages and corroborate what is posted publicly, then I think some kind of punishment is warranted.

[kalvado]

I won't defend Liliana for this, but I will say it is a double standard if she gets any lasting consequences for this incident since Terry Shea received no consequences for telling Rothman to cut out his frontal lobe.

And what is the point of lasting consequences for someone who is going through a nervous breakdown? It wouldn't fix much, but can make things worse for everyone.

[Molandfreak]

I won't defend Liliana for this, but I will say it is a double standard if she gets any lasting consequences for this incident since Terry Shea received no consequences for telling Rothman to cut out his frontal lobe.

And what is the point of lasting consequences for someone who is going through a nervous breakdown? It wouldn't fix much, but can make things worse for everyone.

Terry has a history of taking little disagreements with Rothman and blowing them way out of proportion. This was not an isolated incident.

[LilianaUwU]

And this is your response to the second message. I think it speaks for itself. Those are your words, not mine.

Why should I be ashamed of my political positions? I come by them through my nearly 63 years of life experiences. And why should you, as a Canadian, care about the political positions of one person hundreds of miles away from you? And how, exactly, are you going to make my life hell?

You are mentally ill and instead of seeking treatment for that illness, you play dress-up and pretend to be a female. I do not know you and I have no desire to know you.

[webny99]

This thread is extremely troubling on multiple levels, but I think it is worth pointing out (as I recalled from an incident I was involved in a few years ago), that posting PM's publicly is not allowed by forum rules:

What's not allowed:
...
Posting IM conversations, e-mails, or PMs. These conversations are meant to be private. Posting them is rude and isn't anybody's business.

Admittedly, that train has left the station in this instance, and it is a rather bizarre context - definitely worthy of some sort of escalation, though I probably would have just reported it directly to the admins, myself.

On the other hand, in recalling how I felt the time that a PM I had sent was posted publicly without my permission, the very fact that this is now public is a pretty clear form of punishment in itself.

[LilianaUwU]

With that said, that outburst wasn't warranted on just one person, and I apologize. However... the message I did get still needs to be addressed, because that's why I would have an outburst to begin with.

[SectorZ]

That posting the harassing messages is a bigger offense than sending the message is a problem with the forum itself. It screams victim blaming (as such that HB feels victimized or not in this case), and makes me wonder what limits someone from doing worse like death threats without consequence.

Given the site is hosted by GoDaddy, I imagine as a hoster they have some rules about safety on websites hosted by their service. This specific incident likely wouldn't meet such criteria to be a problem, but the site having a "death threats in private messages are OK, and go to hell for telling us about them" is probably something they don't want to be associated with.

Also HB shouldn't have posted the alleged response back, but at the same time one has the right to punch back.

[JayhawkCO]

I responded to his messages privately and civilly

We must also have a different definition of civil.

[seicer]

I would never think of sending a message like that to him or anyone else. I responded to his messages privately and civilly

I don't think you did. Attacking someone's gender identity or sexual orientation is a non-starter argument. You can be conservative and still hold those opinions, but this is one of those "mind your own business" situations. Nothing prompted you other than hatred to degrade someone else.

[NE2]

"Why would you call me a pig fucker?"
"Well, let's see. First of all, you fuck pigs."