Families and kids poll time

[Roadgeekteen]

Thought this could be an interesting topic to discuss. Share as you much as you wish.

[Max Rockatansky]

I don't have any, my wife and I wouldn't be opposed to just one.  We have tried, but it doesn't like it's going to happen given that we are several years in.  I don't think either of us would exactly be super upset if we didn't end up having a kid given all the extra money and time is something we both like.

[TheHighwayMan3561]

I decided for a number of reasons that having kids is not for me.

-Being autistic and struggling with the sensory aspects (screaping, pooping, vomiting, etc.)
-My interests in travel plus my career in media where I expect to be away from home and/or relocating frequently
-The desire to end the cycles of abuse my parents did to me, as my grandparents did to them, and so forth. I will be the last of my line to go through that pain.

[Scott5114]

I don't particularly want kids because I don't think I'd be a good parent, and I don't think I'd enjoy the experience. However, if I had a partner that I really liked and that was a dealbreaker for them, I might reconsider it.

[MultiMillionMiler]

As much as I love kids and advocate for children's rights, I can't imagine many nightmares worse happening to me than accidentally getting someone pregnant. I plan to get a full vasectomy, before losing virginity.

@Scott, ironically, for me, an insistence on having kids would be the deal breaker.

[Roadgeekteen]

As much as I love kids and advocate for children's rights, I can't imagine many nightmares worse happening to me than accidentally getting someone pregnant. I plan to get a full vasectomy, before losing virginity.

@Scott, ironically, for me, an insistence on having kids would be the deal breaker.

Good

[Takumi]

My fiancee and I have agreed we don't want kids.

[kkt]

When first married, I was reluctant to have kids.  Money was already an issue, and kids do make it even tighter.  But I eventually agreed, and we had one.  I'm glad we did.  Yes, it's expensive, and a lot of work, and gives the parents a lot less free time.  Childcare from age 1 to 5 (starting school, probably) costs as much as college, except there's no financial aid or discounted loans.  But it's tremendously rewarding as well.  Kid is now at college, so the time demands are much smaller!  (Instead there's the Empty Nest.)  And finances are not as tight now as they were when the kid was little.  I've had a surgery a couple of months ago and will be having another soon, and the kid has absolutely been there to take care of me during recovery.  You can't get that kind of love from a big bank account.

[Scott5114]

@Scott, ironically, for me, an insistence on having kids would be the deal breaker.

It might be for me too. I don't know, I haven't ever been in that situation, and I have a feeling it might depend on what kind of person the other person is. My only long term partner never wanted kids, and ended up getting a hysterectomy for unrelated reasons anyway, so it's never been a serious question I've had to answer.

Then again, a future partner of mine won't necessarily be female, so I may well continue to dodge the question indefinitely.

[Roadgeekteen]

@Scott, ironically, for me, an insistence on having kids would be the deal breaker.

It might be for me too. I don't know, I haven't ever been in that situation, and I have a feeling it might depend on what kind of person the other person is. My only long term partner never wanted kids, and ended up getting a hysterectomy for unrelated reasons anyway, so it's never been a serious question I've had to answer.

Then again, a future partner of mine won't necessarily be female, so I may well continue to dodge the question indefinitely.

Gay couples can still have kids.

[MultiMillionMiler]

Even if I wanted a kid, it would be by adoption. Creating a new human just adds to problems like what the adopted kid can go through before adoption.

[Flint1979]

4 kids, 1 grandchild.

[GaryV]

4 kids grown, no grandchildren on the horizon, and it looks like it will stay that way. But someone may surprise us.

[JayhawkCO]

We have one 14 month old and I think we're one and one. A) I'm 40 and I'm fine being the old dad, but I don't want to be the old, old dad. B) My wife had a really hard labor and neither of us wants her to go through that again. C) Our son is pretty perfect and had a relatively easy infant phase, so #2 is statistically more likely to be a terror.

[kphoger]

I already have kids, and I'm done.

My wife wanted four kids, one girl and one boy.  Our third kid was boy #3, so she really wanted to keep going and see if #4 would be a girl, at least.  But #3 was a Very Difficult Baby.  I describe the first year of his life as being like crawling through a long, dark tunnel, and you can't see any light at the end of the tunnel–but you know that, if you keep crawling, eventually you'll see the light.  It was hard.  (Now I probably love that kid more than the others.  But don't tell them that.  )  I asked my wife one day, Can you guarantee that, if we have another baby, it'll be easier?  And she couldn't.  So we stopped.  And now she's super glad we stopped.

I also have a fourth child, from back before my wife and I were together.  However, she was adopted by her stepfather long ago, and our lives have completely drifted apart.  No grandkids on that side yet, though.

[kphoger]

Creating a new human just adds to problems like what the adopted kid can go through before adoption.

Creating a new human just adds to the joy and wonder of our world.

[Max Rockatansky]

Creating a new human just adds to problems like what the adopted kid can go through before adoption.

Creating a new human just adds to the joy and wonder of our world.

As a famous forum incident I was involved with demonstrates, that's certainly not the consensus opinion. 

[hotdogPi]

Creating a new human just adds to problems like what the adopted kid can go through before adoption.

Creating a new human just adds to the joy and wonder of our world.

As a famous forum incident I was involved with demonstrates, that's certainly not the consensus opinion.

One person is not a consensus.

[jmacswimmer]

My wife & I have entered the "it happens when it happens" stage - it took me a bit longer than her to warm up to the idea for reasons similar to TheHighwayMan394 such as sensory issues and wanting to break toxic family cycles, but I've come a long way in unpacking stuff from my childhood & I feel ready for the challenge now. The main thing I wanted to get out of the way first was the PE exam, which I pulled off just before the new year - I heard enough horror stories from colleagues about studying while raising kids that I definitely wanted to knock out that career milestone first.

I'm definitely in the "ideally at least one of each" camp, but similar to what kphoger noted there probably needs to be a cutoff in mind should they keep coming out all boys or all girls.

[Max Rockatansky]

Creating a new human just adds to problems like what the adopted kid can go through before adoption.

Creating a new human just adds to the joy and wonder of our world.

As a famous forum incident I was involved with demonstrates, that's certainly not the consensus opinion.

One person is not a consensus.

I know a great many in the road community share similar sentiments but they just aren't as negative/ugly about it.

[MultiMillionMiler]

Creating a new human just adds to problems like what the adopted kid can go through before adoption.

Creating a new human just adds to the joy and wonder of our world.

Not always for that human however. At least with adopting you are actually improving the life of...someone who already exists.

[JayhawkCO]

Adoption is a great option and I'm certainly glad it exists. There is something "biologically satisfying" about having a child of your own and going through the whole process from beginning to end though. It's tough to describe to someone who hasn't gone through it.

[Max Rockatansky]

Adoption is a great option and I'm certainly glad it exists. There is something "biologically satisfying" about having a child of your own and going through the whole process from beginning to end though. It's tough to describe to someone who hasn't gone through it.

I always found that an interesting take given I know that's a thing for a lot of people.  Our niece oldest niece isn't related to me by blood but is someone I didn't hesitate get temporary custody when she got taken from her mom.  We had the adoption papers ready to go in case my brother in law couldn't get custody (he did ultimately).  I went as far as to buy repaint a room for her and bought new furniture given she stayed with us for half a year.   

[GaryV]

Creating a new human just adds to problems like what the adopted kid can go through before adoption.

Creating a new human just adds to the joy and wonder of our world.

Not always for that human however. At least with adopting you are actually improving the life of...someone who already exists.

So you're saying that someone who would be a good adoptive parent would not be a good biological parent?

[GaryV]

My wife wanted four kids, one girl and one boy.  Our third kid was boy #3, so she really wanted to keep going and see if #4 would be a girl, at least. 

My mom's cousin had 5 girls (including a set of twins) before they finally got a boy. I'm not sure if it was the plan to keep trying to get a boy.