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Famous Stand Up Lines

Started by roadman65, March 14, 2019, 11:40:42 PM

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roadman65

Rodney Dangerfield:  My wife told me to take out the garbage.  I said to her "You cooked it, you take it out!"
Every day is a winding road, you just got to get used to it.

Sheryl Crowe


Takumi

Quote from: Rothman on July 15, 2021, 07:52:59 AM
Olive Garden must be stopped.  I must stop them.

Don't @ me. Seriously.

abefroman329

Famous for all the wrong reasons: Fifty years ago we'd have had you hanging upside down from a tree with a pitchfork in your ass!

GaryV

Henny Youngman:  Take my wife ... please!

abefroman329


Takumi

Quote from: Rothman on July 15, 2021, 07:52:59 AM
Olive Garden must be stopped.  I must stop them.

Don't @ me. Seriously.

wxfree

Quote from: abefroman329 on March 15, 2019, 09:23:45 AM
Quote from: Takumi on March 15, 2019, 12:54:19 AM
https://youtu.be/P28ErxjBY4o
I haven't slept for a week...because that would be too long.

In a similar vein: "24 hour banking, I don't have time for it."

I forgot who said that, but I heard it a long time ago and never forgot it.
I'd like to buy a vowel, Alex.  What is E?

abefroman329

Oh no, I've got...HAPPY FEET!

wanderer2575

A member of Group A, a member of Group B, and a member of Group C walk into a bar...

inkyatari

I'm never wrong, just wildly inaccurate.

SSOWorld

Scott O.

Not all who wander are lost...
Ah, the open skies, wind at my back, warm sun on my... wait, where the hell am I?!
As a matter of fact, I do own the road.
Raise your what?

Wisconsin - out-multiplexing your state since 1918.

US71

"I heard from my cat's lawyer today. My cat wants $12,000 a week for Tender Vittles" --Johnny Carson
Like Alice I Try To Believe Three Impossible Things Before Breakfast



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