For those of you who don’t have (or want) children

[Duke87]

Then there the sex issue. All women would want you to fuck them on a regular basis.

Where are you getting this idea from?

Real world: different people have different libidos, and you might be surprised how wide the range is.

[ce929wax]

Let me rephrase that:

Kids who fight back in school are chastised for it, and lied to about "other ways of handling it." The thing about "reporting it to a supervisor" is that sometimes those "supervisors" will punish the victims on trumped-up charges like "screaming too loud," "disrupting class," "acting out" or whatever other excuse they want not to punish the kids who are picking fights. And then they wonder why some kids go on school shooting sprees, and blame it on irrelevant garbage like the video games you play, the music you listen to, the TV you watch, or some other lame excuses.

As someone who was in the Special Education System in the 1990s and 2000s, I can confirm this.

[US71]

Then there the sex issue. All women would want you to fuck them on a regular basis.

Where are you getting this idea from?

Real world: different people have different libidos, and you might be surprised how wide the range is.

I dated one lady who needed "satisfying" on a regular basis.  I dated another who put up barriers every time things started to heat up.

Then you have those people who, if you're not trying to procreate, feel you shouldn't be having sex at all.

[formulanone]

But one of the advantages of not being lucky enough to have kids is that you don't have to subject them to suffer under the repressive injustices of our school system life itself.

Fixed that for you.

Not really. As adults we have the right to fight back if somebody attacks us. Kids who face this in school are chastised for it, and lied to about "other ways of handling it."

I don't want to imply that violence is the answer, nor that I'm some sort of bad-ass, but getting into two fights (that I hadn't asked for) between 8th and 10th grade made sure nobody seriously or repeatedly picked on me again. In fact, at least we were on chit-chat terms - even laughing about it - after ceasing to annoy the crap out of each other. Also, it made us temporarily more popular in school than we'd ever expected...Nowadays, I'd probably be scared that I'd get shot or stabbed a few days later.

So I have some extremely mixed feelings about imparting that information to my son or daughter. I've at least told my son to tolerate some nuisances and don't be afraid to give a little back, but to avoid having to throw a fist at anyone. I had some experience tussling with my younger brother back in those days, because boys-will-be-boys, but I don't think I'd know how to deal with even the semblance of a real fight!

[MNHighwayMan]

But one of the advantages of not being lucky enough to have kids is that you don't have to subject them to suffer under the repressive injustices of our school system life itself.

Fixed that for you.

Not really. As adults we have the right to fight back if somebody attacks us. Kids who face this in school are chastised for it, and lied to about "other ways of handling it."

Injustice doesn't have to be directly dealt by a person.

[Rothman]

When I was in grade school, I certainly felt weakened by the directive to not resort to fighting.  Actually probably led me to have fights with my siblings since I felt suppressed when I was bullied at school.

Have to say that I taught my kids to fight back, no matter the consequences.  If they throw the first punch, they'd find no ally in me at all, but once they're subject to physical bullying, I made it clear I had no problem defending them to the end if they had to defend themselves physically.

[hbelkins]

It's been my experience that far too many parents don't care if their children are bullies, and far too many school systems turn a blind eye to it because they don't want to be bothered.

When this happens, I'd love to see parents of bullied children file criminal charges (assault or terroristic threatening, whatever is appropriate) against the bullies. This forces the parents of the bully to possibly hire a lawyer, miss work to attend court proceedings, and so forth and so on, even if they're eventually found not guilty or not fined if there is a guilty verdict. When there is a real cost -- a financial cost -- to putting up with a bully, the parents will change their attitudes. Far too often, there's no true price to be paid.

Also, I'd put the bully on blast on social media. Too many parents are afraid to name names. Call them out. Let the community know who the bullies are and shame the bullies' parents into doing something about it.

[kphoger]

I am married and have three sons.  Well, technically, I also have a daughter from a previous relationship, but she was adopted by her step-father and I haven't seen her in about ten years.

Back before kids, was my life more free and less encumbered?  Yes, of course it was.  Before marriage, I could go somewhere at the drop of a hat, do whatever I wanted, only have to budget for myself, etc.  After marriage but before kids, my wife and I went on more dates, often just went driving for the fun of it without knowing where we'd end up, hung out with friends more, etc.

But there's more to life than the freedom to do whatever you want whenever you want.  Heck, just taking off work for more than a week gets to me, and I can't wait to get back into the routine of work.  And plenty of people who have been laid off from work have a really hard time adjusting to all that free time.  It isn't just that raising children is "worth it"–but rather that raising children is a level of human existence that, at least to many of us, is a plane above kid-less life.  There's more to life than just living for yoursel(f)(ves).  I believe it's in human nature to desire both marriage and children.  Having kids satisfies something inside us in a way that mere freedom does not.  Do my wife and I get tired, frustrated, wish we had more hours in the day?  Yes, of course we feel that way sometimes.  But are we happy with our life as parents?  Yes, a hundred times yes!  Raising a family is a challenge to tackle, it's fun, it gives us extra companionship, it allows us to pass along what we believe, it gives us a sense of ownership more than buying a house ever could, it occasionally causes us to rethink how we operate as a couple, it's rewarding as we see our sons learn and develop, it gives us unending topics of conversation with our friends and family, I could go on and on.

Now, all of that doesn't mean having kids is for everyone.  My own sister is and always has been perfectly happy without having children.  And, considering she's 45 years old and married to a man in his 70s, it's safe to say she'll never have any.  She and her husband are very happy together.  (I have noticed that, as my sister has gotten older over the years, she has more and more appreciated spending time with family and especially our children.)  And she's certainly not the only person I've known who was content without children.

Others, however, have merely come to accept a childless life as an unfortunate fact of life, having long wanted a family to call their own but never having ended up with one.  One member on here said that this thread isn't what's depressing:  it's a parent who has no enthusiasm or desire for parenting.  Well, I'll give you something more depressing than that:  someone desperately wanting years to have children but not being able to.

[noelbotevera]

It seems my post will be disappointingly short, but I think it's worth it that I speak my opinion.

Currently, I'm undecided. That's plain and simple.

On the one hand, having children is a back-breaking experience. They don't really mature until the age of 13 or so, and even then they still make foolish decisions until their early twenties. You also lose a lot of free time, and you have to be very dedicated to them. There's also the question of judgement, when deciding the correct scenarios of protecting them or not and how to raise them in general. Finally, there's the fact that you have to manage to be very intimate with a woman; personally, I'm not interested in dating until I wrap up college. This final factor doesn't concern me much.

On the other hand, there's a ton of positive emotions and stigma associated with children. From what I've heard, the occasions where they can exceed their parents far outweigh the effort and time exerted. They can also pick up a lot of good (and obviously, bad) habits from you. The point is, teaching children your own morals is a positive experience laden with misfortune and a real possibility that they could end up making some horrible decisions.

In 15 years, I'll likely revisit the topic and probably scoff at myself for having a naive point-of-view.

[formulanone]

They don't really mature until the age of 13 or so...

...eh, more like 35; then peaking at 40.

[kphoger]

I'll be 45 in less than two months and never had children. At this point, what's the use in having them? People do ask me sometimes why I don't and/or if I do want children. If I had a kid now, I'll be on Social Security by the time he or she graduates. I've come up with another reason as to why I don't have children: I'm afraid they may be ugly!

Responding directly to the OP...

People don't have kids because they're "useful".

[Rothman]

I'll be 45 in less than two months and never had children. At this point, what's the use in having them? People do ask me sometimes why I don't and/or if I do want children. If I had a kid now, I'll be on Social Security by the time he or she graduates. I've come up with another reason as to why I don't have children: I'm afraid they may be ugly!

Responding directly to the OP...

People don't have kids because they're "useful".

Unless they're farmers.

[kphoger]

I'll be 45 in less than two months and never had children. At this point, what's the use in having them? People do ask me sometimes why I don't and/or if I do want children. If I had a kid now, I'll be on Social Security by the time he or she graduates. I've come up with another reason as to why I don't have children: I'm afraid they may be ugly!

Responding directly to the OP...

People don't have kids because they're "useful".

Unless they're farmers.

I grew up in farm country.  Farmers don't have children because they're "useful" either.

[hbelkins]

I'll be 45 in less than two months and never had children. At this point, what's the use in having them? People do ask me sometimes why I don't and/or if I do want children. If I had a kid now, I'll be on Social Security by the time he or she graduates. I've come up with another reason as to why I don't have children: I'm afraid they may be ugly!

Not now, but at one time it was common practice.

Responding directly to the OP...

People don't have kids because they're "useful".

Unless they're farmers.

I grew up in farm country.  Farmers don't have children because they're "useful" either.

Not sure what happened here. My reply is missing and only my quote showed up. What I meant to say was that at one time, farmers did have lots of kids so they could help on the farm. This was an old-time tradition, though. It even happened in Kentucky on some of the larger tobacco farms back in the day.

[US71]

I'll be 45 in less than two months and never had children. At this point, what's the use in having them? People do ask me sometimes why I don't and/or if I do want children. If I had a kid now, I'll be on Social Security by the time he or she graduates. I've come up with another reason as to why I don't have children: I'm afraid they may be ugly!

Responding directly to the OP...

People don't have kids because they're "useful".

I've known a (very few) who see additional kids as "more food stamps", though I've never understood that logic

[Rothman]

I'll be 45 in less than two months and never had children. At this point, what's the use in having them? People do ask me sometimes why I don't and/or if I do want children. If I had a kid now, I'll be on Social Security by the time he or she graduates. I've come up with another reason as to why I don't have children: I'm afraid they may be ugly!

Responding directly to the OP...

People don't have kids because they're "useful".

Unless they're farmers.

I grew up in farm country.  Farmers don't have children because they're "useful" either.

As did I.  I have multiple friends from large farmer families.  My grandmother was the 17th kid in her family and she thought it was normal since the farmers nearby had 18 (my grandmother's siblings would grow to 23 altogether as her father remarried after her mother's death).  Getting help on the farm may not have been the main motivator for large families. but it was one nonetheless.

Heck, there is one family I know in northeastern Wyoming whose large farm was enabled as each of the kids went into a needed profession.  Now that was what I called family planning!

[webny99]

One member on here said that this thread isn't what's depressing:  it's a parent who has no enthusiasm or desire for parenting.  Well, I'll give you something more depressing than that:  someone desperately wanting years to have children but not being able to.

Thank you!
It is, in fact, depressing that no one acknowledged this sooner, but encouraging that you at least mentioned it now!

[Max Rockatansky]

I'll be 45 in less than two months and never had children. At this point, what's the use in having them? People do ask me sometimes why I don't and/or if I do want children. If I had a kid now, I'll be on Social Security by the time he or she graduates. I've come up with another reason as to why I don't have children: I'm afraid they may be ugly!

Responding directly to the OP...

People don't have kids because they're "useful".

Unless they're farmers.

I grew up in farm country.  Farmers don't have children because they're "useful" either.

As did I.  I have multiple friends from large farmer families.  My grandmother was the 17th kid in her family and she thought it was normal since the farmers nearby had 18 (my grandmother's siblings would grow to 23 altogether as her father remarried after her mother's death).  Getting help on the farm may not have been the main motivator for large families. but it was one nonetheless.

Heck, there is one family I know in northeastern Wyoming whose large farm was enabled as each of the kids went into a needed profession.  Now that was what I called family planning!

It was definitely a motivator for my cousin's in Minnesota.  All nine of them were essentially free farm labor until they hit 18 or left the house finally.  Their parents would outright tell them that was one of the big reasons they wanted kids too which usually came when there was some sort of complaint about work during the summer.

[D-Dey65]

Then there the sex issue. All women would want you to fuck them on a regular basis.

Got some locations and pictures of some of these women?

[US71]

Then there the sex issue. All women would want you to fuck them on a regular basis.

Got some locations and pictures of some of these women?

I know a couple ladies on Fakebook that are that way, but they are rather choosy.

[D-Dey65]

My favorite line is the teacher who responds "what did you do to provoke the attack?"

You know, people who use that line on women who get raped tend to get a huge backlash, especially from feminist groups. But kids who are bullied? Evidently schools think it's alright to blame the victims!

[US71]

My favorite line is the teacher who responds "what did you do to provoke the attack?"

You know, people who use that line on women who get raped tend to get a hugs backlash, especially from feminist groups. But kids who are bullied? Evidently schools think it's alright to blame the victims!

Always been that way.