Cheesy/Downright awful local ads

[vdeane]

There's a radio ad for a car dealer in the Mohawk Valley that attempts to use a traffic stop as it's theme.  It basically goes like this:
Cop: Are you [dealer owner] at [dealer]?
Motorist: Yes, sir.
Cop: Is that the place with [insert sales pitch 1]?
Motorist: Yes, sir.
Cop: With [sales pitch 2]?
Motorist: Yes, sir.

This goes on and on for a full minute or two.  It's downright painful to listen to.  But when listening to another ad for a local dealer, it got me thinking about how many ads try to make something that sounds like a normal conversation with all the talking points, and end up sounding like anything but because nobody talks that way.  I actually wrote an example (not a real commercial, though I did use bits of the real ones):

Real Life:
Wife (who sounds like a normal woman): I'm going to Foggs.
Husband (who sounds like a normal man): OK.  See you later.

Commercial:
Wife (who sounds like a character from a 1940s detective movie): I'm going to Foggs.  Foggs Automotive.  In Scotia/Glenville.
Husband (who sounds like a 1940s detective from a movie): Is that the place where every vehicle is only one dime down?
Wife: Yep.  And if you bring home $350 a week, you get up to $30,000 in credit!
Husband: And your engine is covered for life!
Wife: Even oil changes, for life!
Husband: And all you need is a dime!
Wife: One. Dime Down.
Husband: So head off to Foggs today!

[inkyatari]

There's a radio ad for a car dealer in the Mohawk Valley that attempts to use a traffic stop as it's theme.  It basically goes like this:
Cop: Are you [dealer owner] at [dealer]?
Motorist: Yes, sir.
Cop: Is that the place with [insert sales pitch 1]?
Motorist: Yes, sir.
Cop: With [sales pitch 2]?
Motorist: Yes, sir.

This goes on and on for a full minute or two.  It's downright painful to listen to.  But when listening to another ad for a local dealer, it got me thinking about how many ads try to make something that sounds like a normal conversation with all the talking points, and end up sounding like anything but because nobody talks that way.  I actually wrote an example (not a real commercial, though I did use bits of the real ones):

Real Life:
Wife (who sounds like a normal woman): I'm going to Foggs.
Husband (who sounds like a normal man): OK.  See you later.

Commercial:
Wife (who sounds like a character from a 1940s detective movie): I'm going to Foggs.  Foggs Automotive.  In Scotia/Glenville.
Husband (who sounds like a 1940s detective from a movie): Is that the place where every vehicle is only one dime down?
Wife: Yep.  And if you bring home $350 a week, you get up to $30,000 in credit!
Husband: And your engine is covered for life!
Wife: Even oil changes, for life!
Husband: And all you need is a dime!
Wife: One. Dime Down.
Husband: So head off to Foggs today!

My least favorite radio ads are the ones that make it sound like the ad is part of the programming.  There was one for a scam company called "Internet Speedway" which was promoting some wok at home bullshit where the ad started with a DJ saying "We'll return to the program in a minute..." or some such bullshit, and then he'd go into the spiel.

[abefroman329]

I wish I could wok at home, I'd save a fortune on what I spend at Panda Express 

[abefroman329]

If I haven't mentioned Penny Mustard Furnishings, I'm gonna mention Penny Mustard Furnishings again, because that's how much I hate those commercials.

[US71]

I wish I could wok at home, I'd save a fortune on what I spend at Panda Express 

Wal-Mart sells woks

[inkyatari]

If I haven't mentioned Penny Mustard Furnishings, I'm gonna mention Penny Mustard Furnishings again, because that's how much I hate those commercials.

What a horrible name for a store.

[abefroman329]

If I haven't mentioned Penny Mustard Furnishings, I'm gonna mention Penny Mustard Furnishings again, because that's how much I hate those commercials.

What a horrible name for a store.

It is a horrible name, yes.  And I'm sure you've heard these commercials.  They're all over FM radio in Chicagoland.

[TheHighwayMan3561]

Does Krazy Kaplan's Fireworks do Radio/TV ads? As in, the single most aggressive business I've ever seen when it comes to billboard space purchases. You'll never get that goofy Uncle Sam caricature out of your head after you've driven the south half of I-294 and the Borman Expressway in summer.

[inkyatari]

Does Krazy Kaplan's Fireworks do Radio/TV ads? As in, the single most aggressive business I've ever seen when it comes to billboard space purchases. You'll never get that goofy Uncle Sam caricature out of your head after you've driven the south half of I-294 and the Borman Expressway in summer.

"BUY ONE, GET 9 MILLION FREE!"

[US71]

Joe Isuzu

[freebrickproductions]

Here in Huntsville, I'd have to go with Charles Pitman's ads, especially his older ones (which I can't seem to find on YouTube, for some reason), so I'll just have to go with this one:

[KEVIN_224]

Thanks, Good Olde Tom for many cheesy local commercials like this:

Man, that acting is top notch, isn't it? 

I'd give an honorable mention to Bob's Discount Furniture...but he's not just Connecticut anymore. I think he's in like 12 or 13 states now, including ME, NY and IL.

[Big John]

^^ Go to the :13 mark for a map of locations: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9PRV4xRwOo

[US 89]

Does Krazy Kaplan's Fireworks do Radio/TV ads? As in, the single most aggressive business I've ever seen when it comes to billboard space purchases. You'll never get that goofy Uncle Sam caricature out of your head after you've driven the south half of I-294 and the Borman Expressway in summer.

"BUY ONE, GET 9 MILLION FREE!"

No, that's JoS. A. Bank:

"Buy a suit, get two shirts, 70% off! Buy a third shirt, get a tie, free! at JoS. A. Bank! (Now through Monday)

[Brandon]

Does Krazy Kaplan's Fireworks do Radio/TV ads? As in, the single most aggressive business I've ever seen when it comes to billboard space purchases. You'll never get that goofy Uncle Sam caricature out of your head after you've driven the south half of I-294 and the Borman Expressway in summer.

They seem to have a large number of billboards in a state where their product is actually illegal to use.  (That being fireworks and Illinois - doesn't stop the locals from going to Indiana to procure them every 4th of July.)

[roadman]

Does Krazy Kaplan’s Fireworks do Radio/TV ads? As in, the single most aggressive business I’ve ever seen when it comes to billboard space purchases. You’ll never get that goofy Uncle Sam caricature out of your head after you’ve driven the south half of I-294 and the Borman Expressway in summer.

They seem to have a large number of billboards in a state where their product is actually illegal to use.  (That being fireworks and Illinois - doesn't stop the locals from going to Indiana to procure them every 4th of July.)

The fireworks places in New Hampshire, where the product is legal, do a considerable amount of billboard advertising in Massachusetts, where the product is illegal.

[inkyatari]

Does Krazy Kaplan's Fireworks do Radio/TV ads? As in, the single most aggressive business I've ever seen when it comes to billboard space purchases. You'll never get that goofy Uncle Sam caricature out of your head after you've driven the south half of I-294 and the Borman Expressway in summer.

"BUY ONE, GET 9 MILLION FREE!"

No, that's JoS. A. Bank:

"Buy a suit, get two shirts, 70% off! Buy a third shirt, get a tie, free! at JoS. A. Bank! (Now through Monday)

[US71]

A regional chain of furniture stores based in Oklahoma, Furniture Factory Outlet (now known as FFO Home) featured Edna and Earl.

Another ad featured Earl saying "Furniture Factory Omelet", or "Funnier Factory Outlet".

Earl was Harlan Jordan. from Kaufman, Texas. His voice was heard on Wolf Brand Chili commercials "Neighbor, how long has it been since you had a big, thick, steaming bowl of Wolf Brand Chili? Well, that's too long!"

[TheHighwayMan3561]

Does Krazy Kaplan's Fireworks do Radio/TV ads? As in, the single most aggressive business I've ever seen when it comes to billboard space purchases. You'll never get that goofy Uncle Sam caricature out of your head after you've driven the south half of I-294 and the Borman Expressway in summer.

They seem to have a large number of billboards in a state where their product is actually illegal to use.  (That being fireworks and Illinois - doesn't stop the locals from going to Indiana to procure them every 4th of July.)

MN (illegal) and WI (legal) have a similar symbiotic relationship. I don't think I've seen many billboards in MN advertising WI fireworks shops, but I have heard radio ads for such.

[KEVIN_224]

I've heard a radio ad here in CT for a fireworks place in West Chesterfield, NH. It's just over the Connecticut River from Brattleboro, VT, along NH Route 9. I think it's called Area 51. I remember seeing a UFO looking fixture by its entrance while walking around there once. Funny to heard the ad distinctly mention "Take VERMONT Exit 3 and head east".

I have also seen ads for Phantom Fireworks in PA, along the interstates in NJ and NY near the border. One in particular was along I-80 West in NJ near Delaware Water Gap, PA.

[kevinb1994]

Thanks, Good Olde Tom for many cheesy local commercials like this:

Man, that acting is top notch, isn't it? 

I'd give an honorable mention to Bob's Discount Furniture...but he's not just Connecticut anymore. I think he's in like 12 or 13 states now, including ME, NY and IL.

Yeah Bob's is now as far west as CA and as far south as VA.

[kevinb1994]

I've heard a radio ad here in CT for a fireworks place in West Chesterfield, NH. It's just over the Connecticut River from Brattleboro, VT, along NH Route 9. I think it's called Area 51. I remember seeing a UFO looking fixture by its entrance while walking around there once. Funny to heard the ad distinctly mention "Take VERMONT Exit 3 and head east".

I have also seen ads for Phantom Fireworks in PA, along the interstates in NJ and NY near the border. One in particular was along I-80 West in NJ near Delaware Water Gap, PA.

We once got our fireworks from there I think...or it was the Easton location. Don't remember exactly the exact location where we bought them.

[kevinb1994]

Then you have the Fuccillo chain of auto dealerships:

The Fuccillo ads always made me laugh out loud. 
To see them in "rapid fire" - priceless!!

We have Fuccillo dealerships in our area as well. Can't say we appreciate his commercials, though.

[jp the roadgeek]

Thanks, Good Olde Tom for many cheesy local commercials like this:

Man, that acting is top notch, isn't it? 

I'd give an honorable mention to Bob's Discount Furniture...but he's not just Connecticut anymore. I think he's in like 12 or 13 states now, including ME, NY and IL.

Yeah Bob's is now as far west as CA and as far south as VA.

And Good Olde Tom has a couple locations in the Phoenix area from what I saw. 

[bing101]

Lawyer Ads in general are cheesy though.