News:

The AARoads Wiki is live! Come check it out!

Main Menu

Dad joke

Started by kphoger, February 17, 2021, 01:44:20 PM

Previous topic - Next topic
Print
Go Down Pages1 2 3
User actions

kphoger

February 17, 2021, 01:44:20 PM  
Post your favorites!



Q:   What is brown and sticky?

A:   A stick.
Keep right except to pass.  Yes.  You.
Visit scenic Orleans County, NY!
Male pronouns, please.

Quote from: Philip K. DickIf you can control the meaning of words, you can control the people who must use them.

1995hoo

#1
February 17, 2021, 01:56:11 PM  
Greenwood Cemetery is so popular, people are dying to get in.
"You know, you never have a guaranteed spot until you have a spot guaranteed."
—Olaf Kolzig, as quoted in the Washington Times on March 28, 2003,
commenting on the Capitals clinching a playoff spot.

"That sounded stupid, didn't it?"
—Kolzig, to the same reporter a few seconds later.

Max Rockatansky

#2
February 17, 2021, 02:00:37 PM  
Every time my Dad would point out the Mom in Leave it to Beaver saying; "Aren't you being a little hard on the Beaver."   It was so lame that it was actually kind of funny. 

Big John

#3
February 17, 2021, 03:53:11 PM  
Quote from: 1995hoo on February 17, 2021, 01:56:11 PM
Greenwood Cemetery is so popular, people are dying to get in.
There is a Greenwood cemetery in the middle of the college I attended.  The college then built their dining hall next to the cemetery, coincidence I think not. :spin:

GaryV

#4
February 17, 2021, 04:02:21 PM  
How do you tell it's a dad joke?

When the punch line is apparent. (Say it out loud if you don't get it by reading)

formulanone

#5
February 17, 2021, 04:54:09 PM  
As long as it's a road forum...

TheHighwayMan3561

#6
February 17, 2021, 04:56:25 PM  
If you part ways with someone in anger, is that a bad bye?
self-certified as the dumbest person on this board for 5 years running

1995hoo

#7
February 17, 2021, 04:59:15 PM  
"You know, you never have a guaranteed spot until you have a spot guaranteed."
—Olaf Kolzig, as quoted in the Washington Times on March 28, 2003,
commenting on the Capitals clinching a playoff spot.

"That sounded stupid, didn't it?"
—Kolzig, to the same reporter a few seconds later.

CoreySamson

#8
February 17, 2021, 08:38:18 PM  
What is green and bushy?

A bush.
Buc-ee's and QuikTrip fanboy. Clincher of FM roads. Proponent of the TX U-turn.

My Route Log
My Clinches

Now on mobrule and Travel Mapping!

kurumi

#9
February 17, 2021, 08:55:12 PM  
A businessman downtown is accosted by a kid who says "Hey, Mister! Can you help me? My dad's in a fight!"

The businessman agrees, and follows the kid around a corner, to see two men fighting.

"Which one's your dad?" he asks.

The kid says, "That's what they're fighting about!"
My first SF/horror short story collection is available: "Young Man, Open Your Winter Eye"

tchafe1978

#10
February 17, 2021, 09:44:39 PM  
I like jokes about the eyes. The cornea the better.

kphoger

#11
February 18, 2021, 09:44:09 AM  
Q:   How does Moses make coffee?

A:   Hebrews it.
Keep right except to pass.  Yes.  You.
Visit scenic Orleans County, NY!
Male pronouns, please.

Quote from: Philip K. DickIf you can control the meaning of words, you can control the people who must use them.

snowc

#12
February 18, 2021, 09:46:06 AM  
What do you get when you cross a skunk and a bear?
Winnie the pooh! 😳😳😳😳🐻🐻🐻🦨🦨🦨🦨😝😝😝🤮🤮
:colorful: :colorful: :colorful: :sombrero:

Mapmikey

#13
February 18, 2021, 10:00:57 AM  
Quote from: 1995hoo on February 17, 2021, 01:56:11 PM
Greenwood Cemetery is so popular, people are dying to get in.

And this is why being the grave digger there was the hardest job I've ever undertaken...

kphoger

#14
February 18, 2021, 10:47:29 AM  
Q:   What do you get if you cross an elephant and a rhinoceros?

A:   'ell if I know!
Keep right except to pass.  Yes.  You.
Visit scenic Orleans County, NY!
Male pronouns, please.

Quote from: Philip K. DickIf you can control the meaning of words, you can control the people who must use them.

CoreySamson

#15
February 18, 2021, 12:30:53 PM  
What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
Buc-ee's and QuikTrip fanboy. Clincher of FM roads. Proponent of the TX U-turn.

My Route Log
My Clinches

Now on mobrule and Travel Mapping!

kenarmy

#16
February 18, 2021, 04:16:50 PM  
What do sprinters eat before they run? They fast.

Why is there no gambling in Africa? Because there are too many cheetahs.


Why don't crabs give to charity? Because they are shellfish.
Just a reminder that US 6, 49, 50, and 98 are superior to your fave routes :)


EXTEND 206 SO IT CAN MEET ITS PARENT.

kphoger

#17
February 18, 2021, 04:25:23 PM  
Q:   How much do pirates charge for ear piercings?

A:   A buck an ear.
Keep right except to pass.  Yes.  You.
Visit scenic Orleans County, NY!
Male pronouns, please.

Quote from: Philip K. DickIf you can control the meaning of words, you can control the people who must use them.

Mapmikey

#18
February 18, 2021, 04:33:48 PM  
My golfing partner continued to wear the same pair of lucky socks for years - even after he got a hole in one.

webny99

#19
February 18, 2021, 04:40:24 PM  
Quote from: kphoger on February 18, 2021, 04:25:23 PM
Q:   How much do pirates charge for ear piercings?

A:   A buck an ear.

I did have to snicker at that one, partly because "Buccaneer" is such a weird word to begin with.

I've never understood why people call the football team by its full name when there's nothing wrong with the much shorter "Bucs".

kphoger

#20
February 18, 2021, 05:04:13 PM  
Quote from: webny99 on February 18, 2021, 04:40:24 PM
I've never understood why people call the football team by its full name when there's nothing wrong with the much shorter "Bucs".

Because it's their name? 
Keep right except to pass.  Yes.  You.
Visit scenic Orleans County, NY!
Male pronouns, please.

Quote from: Philip K. DickIf you can control the meaning of words, you can control the people who must use them.

webny99

#21
February 18, 2021, 05:11:09 PM  
Quote from: kphoger on February 18, 2021, 05:04:13 PM
Quote from: webny99 on February 18, 2021, 04:40:24 PM
I've never understood why people call the football team by its full name when there's nothing wrong with the much shorter "Bucs".

Because it's their name? 

Joseph Robinette Biden Junior is the President's name, too.

kphoger

#22
February 18, 2021, 05:12:53 PM  
Quote from: webny99 on February 18, 2021, 05:11:09 PM
Joseph Robinette Biden Junior is the President's name, too.

My son goes by William.  Not Billy or Will or whatever.  William.

Is that a problem?
Keep right except to pass.  Yes.  You.
Visit scenic Orleans County, NY!
Male pronouns, please.

Quote from: Philip K. DickIf you can control the meaning of words, you can control the people who must use them.

hotdogPi

#23
February 18, 2021, 05:14:33 PM  
If I heard Bucs without context, I would think Bucks (deer), not Buccaneers.
Clinched

Traveled, plus
US 13, 44, 50
MA 22, 40, 107, 109, 117, 119, 126, 141, 159
NH 27, 111A(E); CA 133; NY 366; GA 42, 140; FL A1A, 7; CT 32; VT 2A, 5A; PA 3, 51, 60, QC 162, 165, 263; 🇬🇧A100, A3211, A3213, A3215, A4222; 🇫🇷95 D316

GaryV

#24
February 18, 2021, 05:55:52 PM  
^ or dollar bills
Print
Go Up Pages1 2 3
User actions

Opinions expressed here on belong solely to the poster and do not represent or reflect the opinions or beliefs of AARoads, its creators and/or associates.