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[kphoger]

But we don't know.  Maybe I'm fated to die in an accident in 2 years, and giving up 6 months might have been a pretty fine 6 months.  My grandmother lived to 89, living on her own for the last 5 years, and fully capable.

If it were true that I only had two years left to live, then I think it would be pretty awesome to have taken an anywhere-in-the-world teleport vacation before kicking the ol' bucket—especially if the alternative were two years of just normal everyday life.  So your argument leaves me unswayed.

I was thinking along these lines too. Who's to say when that month will be, and what your life would be like at that point? It's impossible to answer without knowing when life ends.

I think it would be a fairly safe bet to exchange the unknown theoretical possibility of the last few months of your life being awesome, for the near-certainty that your teleport experience will be enjoyable and worthwhile.

If you could teleport anywhere in the world at any time, but each time you do so, you lose a month off the end of your life, would you? If so, how many times?

Probably at least once. I'd go into the somewhat distant future and found out how I died. If I could fix it, then I could teleport there again. If it was just cancer or something and I was suffering for x amount of months, I'd probably do it x amount of times then.

My definition of teleporting is purely location-based and doesn't include time travel. Does it mean something different in your book?

You parsed it as {teleport} {anywhere in the world at any time}, but he meant it as {teleport anywhere in the world} {at any time}.  Simple as that.

[interstatefan990]

If you could teleport anywhere in the world at any time, but each time you do so, you lose a month off the end of your life, would you? If so, how many times?

Probably at least once. I'd go into the somewhat distant future and found out how I died. If I could fix it, then I could teleport there again. If it was just cancer or something and I was suffering for x amount of months, I'd probably do it x amount of times then.

My definition of teleporting is purely location-based and doesn't include time travel. Does it mean something different in your book?

You parsed it as {teleport} {anywhere in the world at any time}, but he meant it as {teleport anywhere in the world} {at any time}.  Simple as that.

I think the use of "at" any time, instead of "to" any time is sufficient. But fair.

[paulthemapguy]

Random thoughts that I've thrown up on social media in the past month. All are original unless otherwise noted.

If you orient your taco so it's shaped like a bell, all the ingredients fall out. Then you can put whatever you want in there! And Taco Bell was born.

You ever wonder if the social media accounts referring to human body parts as "cake" or 🍒🍑🍆are actually alligators sizing you up for a meal?

What if they made Chex Mix with Indian spices?

Some days are extra crispy, some days are freezer-burnt, soggy, tough, and unchewable.

Now that Hot Girl Summer is over, it's time for the Fall of Man!* (not original)

A D&D Campaign where your character's base dexterity is determined by your other friends' ratings of your handwriting.

I aspire to still be the only one of my peers at age 55 with an imagination.

Be sure to use the words "filth" and "swine" more regularly in your daily speech.

All you can do is inspire the people who think they can, and get hated by the people who think they can't.

Group farting begins as soon as you hit 4000ft in elevation.

[zachary_amaryllis]

Random thoughts that I've thrown up on social media in the past month. All are original unless otherwise noted.

If you orient your taco so it's shaped like a bell, all the ingredients fall out. Then you can put whatever you want in there! And Taco Bell was born.

You ever wonder if the social media accounts referring to human body parts as "cake" or 🍒🍑🍆are actually alligators sizing you up for a meal?

What if they made Chex Mix with Indian spices?

Can't really speak on the rest, but I think the Chex mix would be just .... awesome. If you don't like Indian spices, yeah, you're boned.

Some days are extra crispy, some days are freezer-burnt, soggy, tough, and unchewable.

Now that Hot Girl Summer is over, it's time for the Fall of Man!* (not original)

A D&D Campaign where your character's base dexterity is determined by your other friends' ratings of your handwriting.

I aspire to still be the only one of my peers at age 55 with an imagination.

Be sure to use the words "filth" and "swine" more regularly in your daily speech.

All you can do is inspire the people who think they can, and get hated by the people who think they can't.

Group farting begins as soon as you hit 4000ft in elevation.

I can confirm this, says guy that lives at 5500.

[kurumi]

What if they made Chex Mix with Indian spices?

You could mix it with mukhwas, to freshen your breath at the same time!

[Flint1979]

Everyone in Michigan don't call Sam. Just tired of hearing from that ambulance chaser.

[index]

OnlyFans Arena
Tinder Stadium

Do couples seeking new sex partners meet in those two?

Wouldn't an OnlyFans stadium just be a strip club full of lonely porn addicts who spend absurd amounts of money for 15 seconds just to see some short view of whatever it is they like?

[Max Rockatansky]

OnlyFans Arena
Tinder Stadium

Do couples seeking new sex partners meet in those two?

Wouldn't an OnlyFans stadium just be a strip club full of lonely porn addicts who spend absurd amounts of money for 15 seconds just to see some short view of whatever it is they like?

Would you prefer it be YouPorn Stadium instead?

[LilianaUwU]

Everyone in Michigan don't call Sam. Just tired of hearing from that ambulance chaser.

You better call Saul instead.

[D-Dey65]

But we don't know.  Maybe I'm fated to die in an accident in 2 years, and giving up 6 months might have been a pretty fine 6 months.  My grandmother lived to 89, living on her own for the last 5 years, and fully capable.

My mother just turned 89 yesterday. She's not the spring chicken she once was, but she's still fairly capable herself. She still relies on me for some things, especially when she can't find a step stool.

I almost considered mentioning this on the New York page, and I briefly mentioned it on one of the Google Maps complaint boards, but who here has ridden the rail trails of the former New York and Putnam Railroad Main Line, besides one user that I already know has done it?

Is the Putnam Trail as fun as it looks to ride?

[dlsterner]

Opera music is people singing when they should be talking.  Rap music is people talking when they should be singing.
A zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
Which is worse - being an assclown or being an asshat?

[D-Dey65]

Early yesterday I loaded up an edited photo I took along I-95 in Northern Duval County, Florida back in March 2017. I had to use a nearby interchange sequence sign to be sure it was where I said it was and not in Nassau County. There are also some billboards nearby.



Well, I went onto Google Street View to be sure, and lo and behold I found the location. And on the more recent GSV the billboards are down, and a housing development is behind that fence. So, I don't know if the discussion has been brought up before, but every time some highway beautification committee passes some legislation to ban billboards, it leads to more development.

[Flint1979]

I just witnessed a shooting. No one was hit by the gun fire. I pulled into the Flying J at M-81 and I-75 and all of the sudden you heard bam bam bam and I could see someone shooting. I tried to stay away and drove to the other side of the building, then within 2 minutes Buena Vista police showed up followed by Michigan State Police and Saginaw County Sheriff's Department. Pretty scary looking site when I left. I went in the Wendy's and ate while this wa's going on.

[kkt]

Damn.  Be careful out there.

[ZLoth]

My mother just turned 89 yesterday. She's not the spring chicken she once was, but she's still fairly capable herself. She still relies on me for some things, especially when she can't find a step stool.

My mother is 81, and right now, she is using me as a "punching bag" because I won't allow her to drive anymore. I am very concerned about spacial orientation, especially when she gets the two major cross streets near my home mixed up and thinking that US-75 runs east-west.

From Cheezburger (Memes):

People Share the Things They Think The Older Generation Did Right

Boomers have never been shy in blaming young people for all the many ills of the world, and Millennials and Gen Z clap back with a fervor. There's no denying that many of the problems faced by those under a certain age were kickstarted by their parents, and it's easy to get into the feedback loop of mutual resentment.

At the same time, the older generation are who we have learned from, and who (in theory) have some wisdom to share with us by virtue of having lived longer. Not everything done by those who came before us was a travesty, as a thread started by @0luwatt0bi has made clear. Asking people what things they thought the older generation had done better than us, Twitter users came up with a range of answers that are almost enough to make you want to go back to the so-called good old days. Those postwar benefits were really something.

FULL ARTICLE HERE

[GaryV]

My mother is 81, and right now, she is using me as a "punching bag" because I won't allow her to drive anymore.

When my wife's grandfather was deemed incapable of driving by the family, his son told him that the car needed to be repaired but the garage didn't have the parts. After a few weeks or so it didn't matter any more, as her grandfather was used to not driving.

[Flint1979]

I think Saginaw County Michigan has some of the coolest looking old school sheriff cars around.

[1]

I don't know whether I've posted anything like this before (this thread returns nothing, but it could be in a different thread), but ideas for Chance and Community Chest cards:

• Pay $200, or however much cash you have if you have less. Put that bet on the pass line in Craps. All rolls of two six-sided dice count. If you win, you get twice your bet back.
• The next player to roll a 7 pays $200 to the bank.
• Each player in Jail pays $500 to the bank.
• For the rest of the game, switch Go and Free Parking.
• For the rest of the game, Free Parking becomes a fifth railroad. Advance to Free Parking. (Rent for five railroads is $400.)
• For the rest of the game, double Luxury Tax.
• For the rest of the game, round all dollar amounts to the nearest $5.
• Roll 8-sided dice on your next turn.
• Roll three dice on your next turn.
• On your next turn, multiply the dice instead of adding them. If this would cause you to pass Go more than twice solely due to the die roll, go to jail instead.
• Move backwards on your next turn instead of forwards.
• On each of your next three turns, before rolling, choose a number. If you roll that number, ignore the effect of the space you land on.
• Unmortgage all properties. No player pays anything.
• If there are two players remaining, do nothing. Otherwise, each player chooses a monopoly. If all players other than the monopoly's owner agree on a monopoly, all of its properties go back to the bank. The owner is not compensated for houses or hotels.
• The next time a player lands on a monopoly, after rent is charged (or at the end of the turn if it isn't charged), the owner sells all houses and hotels, and all the properties in the monopoly go back to the bank.
• Until the end of your next turn, whenever a player lands on their own property, they must pay that much rent to the Bank.
• Until the end of your next turn, whenever a player lands on the space between properties of an opponent's monopoly, that player must pay the owner rent equal to the amount of the previous space after carrying out its normal effect.
• Reverse turn order.
• Switch places with another player. The spaces are not considered to be landed on. If this would put either player in Jail, move them to Just Visiting instead.
• If there are enough houses in the Bank, put one on each owned railroad. Each house doubles the rent.
• For each side of the board (excluding corners) with exactly one player, the corresponding railroad becomes owned by that player.
• Remove a house from each monopoly you own without any hotels. The hotels are removed from the game and not returned to the bank.
• Choose an unowned property and auction it. The money goes to the Bank.
• Choose a monopoly you own and auction it, buildings included. The money goes to you.
• Look at the top Community Chest card. You may put it on the bottom, draw it, or have an opponent draw it.
• Look at the top three Chance cards. Put any number of them on the bottom in any order, then put the rest on the top in any order.
• Reveal the top two Community Chest cards. The next player in turn order chooses one for you to draw. Then put both on the bottom.
• Look at the top Chance card and put it on a non-corner space. The next player to land on that space draws that card instead of the space having its normal effect.
• For each Chance and Community Chest card in front of a player, that player discards that card unless they pay $100 to the Bank.
• Keep this card. You can't collect rent. On your turn, you may move forward one space instead of rolling the dice. You may discard this card at any time between turns.
• Keep this card. Players who roll a 4 go backwards instead of forwards. Discard at any time, including after a player has rolled but before they have moved.
• Keep this card. You collect an additional $100 for passing Go. Discard when you go to Jail.
• Keep this card. Choose a monopoly you own. You may build unevenly on that color group. Discard when an opponent pays rent to that group. (If you trade or lose this card or the chosen color group, you must make the build even first.)
• Keep this card. Use it to reroll any die by any player. The previous result is ignored. (Dice in a roll must initially be rolled simultaneously.)
• Keep this card. Use it to win any auction without paying.

Rulings:

• Rolling doubles extends the current turn. It does not create a new turn.
• If you roll three or more dice, they all need to be the same to go again.
• If you go backwards past Go, you do not lose $200. It's like Sorry, where there's an advantage for going backward and then forward again.
• All Chance and Community Chest cards that are kept can be traded or sold.

[Scott5114]

Some of those would upset what little game balance Monopoly already has and/or lead to an extraordinarily long game (in general, the more money in the economy, the longer the game goes). They do, however, carry the very real risk of making Monopoly more fun.

[Scott5114]

I'm pleased to report that the Bureau of Reclamation folks that run Hoover Dam make the same dam jokes that we made in the old "Dam joke" thread here. If I were a dam tour guide, that would probably be the best dam part of the job.

[zachary_amaryllis]

I'm pleased to report that the Bureau of Reclamation folks that run Hoover Dam make the same dam jokes that we made in the old "Dam joke" thread here. If I were a dam tour guide, that would probably be the best dam part of the job.

Good! Now, tell me where I can get me some dam bait.

[US71]

I'm pleased to report that the Bureau of Reclamation folks that run Hoover Dam make the same dam jokes that we made in the old "Dam joke" thread here. If I were a dam tour guide, that would probably be the best dam part of the job.

Good! Now, tell me where I can get me some dam bait.

at the dam store?

[kurumi]

If our family name were "Withakay", it would be tempting to name our son Eric.

[GaryV]

If they drop off your body at the wrong cemetery, do they rehearse it to take it to the correct spot?

[kphoger]

If they drop off your body at the wrong cemetery, do they rehearse it to take it to the correct spot?

Yes, that's what a rehearsal is.

In all seriousness, the two words have the same etymology.  The root for both comes from the Old French herce, which was a harrow or large rake.  A hearse, in the funerary sense, first referred to a chandelier hung over the body of the deceased, because its frame and arms resembled a harrow.  Then, eventually, it came to refer to any framework structure erected in a similar context, such as cart built to carry the deceased to his grave.  Likewise, to rehearse something is to metaphorically go over it again and again, which is what someone does in a literal sense with a harrow:  both keep turning the material over and over until it's ready.