AARoads Forum

As I'm planning a wedding myself, this story piqued my interest:

QuoteA Minnesota mother of two who missed a relative's wedding because she and her husband could not find child care says she was "shocked"  when she opened the mailbox this week and found a $75 bill from the bride and groom.

The full story (http://www.wkow.com/story/30155755/2015/09/30/minnesota-woman-says-she-was-billed-by-bride-for-meal-at-missed-wedding?utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook_WKOW_27)...of course there's more details :)

If I was one of the newlyweds, I'd probably piss and moan a bit about it with my wife, but I wouldn't send anyone a bill. Interestingly though, all of our ITE dinner meetings have the fine print that states "no-shows may be billed." Don't know if they've ever carried that out, as I've always come if I said I was and I've never been in the position to potentially send out a bill.

While the bride & groom are quickly running around on the day of their wedding, a simple text is still nice to receive just to alert them.  No doubt they are getting a bunch of texts from others anyway, so it's not like they're going to be phone-free. 

And if the couple (and others) are expecting them, they could be at the reception wondering where they are.  My cousin & husband got hit by a drunk driver on the way to a reception (went to the hospital but otherwise ok)...so things do happen, and no doubt the newlyweds would be appreciative of the news regardless if it's bad news or lame news.

I'd ask them what happened, in a friendly "are you okay?" kind of way. If I get something stupid as an answer, then I my or may not bill depending on what the finances of the event are like.

While it would certainly be rude not to apologize for not being able to make it, sending a bill is completely obnoxious. With a large event, you should assume that some may not be able to make it last minute and budget accordingly.

For a wedding specifically, sending a bill would be in terribly poor form, at least as bad as the act of not showing up without any word. Presumably, if you're on intimate enough terms with someone to want them at your wedding, you're on intimate enough terms to inquire afterwards and make sure they're all right. If their excuse is lame, you'd be perfectly in your rights to say "I'm so glad you're all right; since we didn't get the message that you couldn't make it, we were worried something had happened to you! Fortunately, some of the guests were hungry for seconds, so your plates didn't go to waste."

For other, less personal events like a catered business lunch, billing someone is still probably inappropriate if the event is invitation-based. If you have to keep that close an eye on your costs, the appropriate step is to collect payment in advance.

Who the hell does this anyway? Billing is probably the lowest way to single out those who didn't show up.

So what happens if the billee does not pay up? Legally, do they have anything coming against them?

It would be one thing if the hosts had included an admission fee in the invitation, so the bill would be to recover revenue the hosts would have received if the guests had shown up. (Certainly appropriate for some business and political receptions, even if not for wedding receptions.) But AFAIK there was no admission fee, and the hosts were expecting to feed, etc. their guests for free, so they didn't lose financially from the no-shows. As noted above, the extra food probably didn't go to waste (rather, consumed by other guests who went for seconds), so the hosts would not have incurred any disposal costs.

The no-shows should've given as much notice as possible in the circumstances, or at least an unprompted and apologetic explanation soon afterward (along with whatever gift the no-shows were planning to give anyway). But money has nothing to do with it.

Not showing up when you've RSVPd is rude, but sometimes unavoidable.  Sending a bill is completely over the top, rudeness with premeditation.  I would ask about them because I care about them and wonder if something terrible happened to them and also to give them a chance to apologize.  But an RSVP is not a legally enforceable contract and a bill could not be enforced.

"Sorry you missed our event"

If they respond, great. If they don't, f*** 'em.

Hotels are not that sympathetic. You no-show, you pay.

If it's buffet style with informal seating, the food can be eaten by others. If sit down meal of herb encrusted walleye with laboriously planned seating chart, the money is wasted, and maybe the kitchen staff gets of something to nibble on. But the happy couple was still planning on spending that money on the distant relative's meal, with only the hope of perhaps a nice set of cookware as a financial return. If the cookware is inexpensive stuff, should an invoice go out because the gift didn't meet a minimum standard?

I'd go with the concerned inquiry. Hotel analogy not really the same-it's a business transaction with presumably some notice of the policy. Nobody calls and books a room, and figures that maybe they'll give the chef that same set of cookware as a nice gesture for being allowed to reserve and use a room.

I've never hosted an event of this magnitude so I can't comment from experience.

But I can't see myself trying to send someone a bill. In any big event there's a good shot you'll get a no-show or two. Not really a big deal.


What is a far more egregious violation however, and which I absolutely could see myself tearing someone a new one over, is if they showed up to such an event without RSVPing or worse, without being invited. Because not having enough food/space/supplies for everyone is a considerably worse problem than having extra that goes to waste.

Did the  absent couple send a gift before the bill was sent ?

This is just beneath debating.  If there's not an excuse, you don't send a bill.  You get better friends.