Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
Why do toasters have a setting that burns the toast to charcoal, which no decent human would ever eat?
What did Robinson Crusoe do with Friday on a Saturday night?
If a fire station catches fire, who do they call?
Why do the waiters/waitresses at Mexican restaurants always wait until I have a mouthful of chips and salsa before they ask me for my order?
Quote from: hm insulators on August 18, 2016, 05:19:13 PM
Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
Because it bips.
QuoteWhat disease did cured ham actually have?
Bipping disease.
QuoteWhy do toasters have a setting that burns the toast to charcoal, which no decent human would ever eat?
Because it bips.
QuoteWhat did Robinson Crusoe do with Friday on a Saturday night?
Stink.
QuoteIf a fire station catches fire, who do they call?
Ronald Reagan.
QuoteWhy do the waiters/waitresses at Mexican restaurants always wait until I have a mouthful of chips and salsa before they ask me for my order?
Because it bips.
Quote from: bandit957 on August 18, 2016, 05:24:59 PM
QuoteIf a fire station catches fire, who do they call?
Ronald Reagan.
Insert obligatory NE2 quote here.
(Note: Buildings themselves, even fire stations, don't have the ability to call anyone.)
Quote from: 1 on August 18, 2016, 05:27:29 PM
Quote from: bandit957 on August 18, 2016, 05:24:59 PM
QuoteIf a fire station catches fire, who do they call?
Ronald Reagan.
Insert obligatory NE2 quote here.
(Note: Buildings themselves, even fire stations, don't have the ability to call anyone.)
Actually if they have a fire alarm panel technically it would call an alarm company....which by extension is part of the building making the call.
Quote from: Max Rockatansky on August 18, 2016, 05:55:14 PM
Quote from: 1 on August 18, 2016, 05:27:29 PM
Quote from: bandit957 on August 18, 2016, 05:24:59 PM
QuoteIf a fire station catches fire, who do they call?
Ronald Reagan.
Insert obligatory NE2 quote here.
(Note: Buildings themselves, even fire stations, don't have the ability to call anyone.)
Actually if they have a fire alarm panel technically it would call an alarm company....which by extension is part of the building making the call.
A few years ago, some food was left cooking on the stove of my firehouse when we left for a run. Washington DC's fire museum is located on the 3rd floor of the firehouse, and it has a fire/burglar alarm. Smoke filled the first and second floors thick enough that it reached the third floor and activated the fire alarm. Returning to the station and still several blocks away, my engine company was dispatched for a fire call for fire alarm activation to our own firehouse's address.
Ironically I had a building fire a couple years back and the fire department managed to get there within five minutes to put it out. The irony was that it was the fire panel catching on fire due to catching a massive surge which was the source. :-D Somehow it managed to dial out for help before the insulators on all the wires melted down too goo.
Is this in the vein of "why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway"?
Why, why did I click on this topic??
Quote from: hm insulators on August 18, 2016, 05:19:13 PM
Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
To find out if you're a phony.
Quote from: hm insulators on August 18, 2016, 05:19:13 PM
What disease did cured ham actually have?
Trichinella.
Quote from: hm insulators on August 18, 2016, 05:19:13 PM
Why do toasters have a setting that burns the toast to charcoal, which no decent human would ever eat?
To train you to not walk away from food while it's cooking.
Quote from: hm insulators on August 18, 2016, 05:19:13 PM
What did Robinson Crusoe do with Friday on a Saturday night?
He grilled him over an open fire and sprinkled him liberally with salt and pepper.
Quote from: hm insulators on August 18, 2016, 05:19:13 PM
If a fire station catches fire, who do they call?
Another fire station.
Quote from: hm insulators on August 18, 2016, 05:19:13 PM
Why do the waiters/waitresses at Mexican restaurants always wait until I have a mouthful of chips and salsa before they ask me for my order?
They think you're sexy.
Quote from: amroad17 on August 19, 2016, 04:18:39 AM
Is this in the vein of "why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway"?
Or a Turnpike that actually really for the most part in modern terms a limited access toll road with as minimal turns as possible? Should it just be Toll Pike?
I've always pondered whether anyone has ever dislodged their dentures by blowing a bubble with bubble gum.
Quote from: Max Rockatansky on August 19, 2016, 07:07:54 PM
Quote from: amroad17 on August 19, 2016, 04:18:39 AM
Is this in the vein of "why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway"?
Or a Turnpike that actually really for the most part in modern terms a limited access toll road with as minimal turns as possible? Should it just be Toll Pike?
Indiana calls theirs a Toll Road.
Have you dabbled in law? Your response sounded very legalese to me. :spin:
Quote from: bandit957 on August 20, 2016, 01:02:17 AM
whether anyone has ever dislodged their dentures by blowing a bubble with bubble gum.
Yes.
Probably.
Quote from: amroad17 on August 19, 2016, 04:18:39 AM
Is this in the vein of "why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway"?
I drive on my driveway in order to enter and exit the garage.
Tomorrow's Washington
Post crossword has a theme similar to this thread. "Captain Obvious" pays a visit. The theme clues are things like: "_______, that info will be unfamiliar."
In case someone here might do the puzzle, I've made the answer small and in white text so it won't be too visible:
"Before you know it"
Sanction is its own antonym.
1.
give official permission or approval for (an action).
2.
impose a sanction or penalty on.
Quote from: amroad17 on August 19, 2016, 04:18:39 AM
Is this in the vein of "why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway"?
I wonder why tolled freeways exist.
What deranged, sadistic individual would be so cruel to his fellow human beings that he would have to invent the children's swimming pool game called "Marco Polo" and foist it upon the general public? Kids play it for hours non-stop! "MARCO!" "POLO!" "MARCO!" "POLO!" "MARCO!" "POLO!" I hated that damn game when I was a kid. :banghead:
Why are eggs packed in a box that collapses when you toss your mail on it, and pliers are put in a package you have to use a chainsaw to open?
Quote from: hm insulators on September 15, 2016, 04:08:01 PM
Why are eggs packed in a box that collapses when you toss your mail on it, and pliers are put in a package you have to use a chainsaw to open?
Have you tried tossing your mail on the pliers?
Quote from: andrewkbrown on August 18, 2016, 06:27:13 PM
A few years ago, some food was left cooking on the stove of my firehouse when we left for a run. Washington DC's fire museum is located on the 3rd floor of the firehouse, and it has a fire/burglar alarm. Smoke filled the first and second floors thick enough that it reached the third floor and activated the fire alarm. Returning to the station and still several blocks away, my engine company was dispatched for a fire call for fire alarm activation to our own firehouse's address.
Years ago (1965), in nearby Montgomery County, Maryland, Fire Station 17 (Laytonsville) burned to the ground, taking most of the volunteer fire company's apparatus and other equipment with it. You can read about it here (http://www.ldvfd.org/content/history/file/history.pdf).
Quote from: Max Rockatansky on August 19, 2016, 07:07:54 PMOr a Turnpike that actually really for the most part in modern terms a limited access toll road with as minimal turns as possible? Should it just be Toll Pike?
The word
turnpike is descended from the original (seventeenth century) British concept of a toll road, where payment of tolls was enforced by actual turnstiles. It is increasingly anachronistic now that tollbooths with swinging-arm barriers, a staple of US public-authority turnpikes from the 1940's onward, are giving way to electronic toll collection. However, I object to it less than I do to state-specific nomenclatures that seem highly precious. For example, in Michigan the Mackinac Bridge is nowhere referred to as a "toll bridge." Instead it is a "fare bridge," so you get sign messages like "last exit before fare," "pay fare 1 mile," "bridge fares" followed by amount charged per axle, etc. It is just as annoying as North Dakota referring to fines for traffic infractions (like speeding) as "fees."
Quote from: J N Winkler on September 17, 2016, 10:38:06 AM...
For example, in Michigan the Mackinac Bridge is nowhere referred to as a "toll bridge." Instead it is a "fare bridge," so you get sign messages like "last exit before fare," "pay fare 1 mile," "bridge fares" followed by amount charged per axle, etc. ...
Maybe because it replaced a ferry?
Quote from: GaryV on September 17, 2016, 12:51:50 PMMaybe because it replaced a ferry?
There must have been a reason for using the word
fare instead of
toll that at the time seemed absolutely compelling, but I am not sure how to go about finding what it was (the exhibits at the visitor center in St. Ignace, for example, are completely silent on this question, though several boards deal with the state-operated auto ferry service that started in the 1920's in response to complaints about the former railroad ferries). In other jurisdictions where a fixed crossing replaced ferry service, as with the San Francisco Bay Bridge, there haven't seemed to be any problems referring to the new link as a toll bridge or toll crossing.
This probably has to do with the way the law was written. Perhaps Michigan had a prohibition of toll roads, but a fare for use is a loophole?
That is an interesting possibility, but it doesn't seem to be borne out by the enabling statute for the Mackinac Bridge Authority, MCL Act 214 of 1952 (my bold):
http://www.legislature.mi.gov/(S(foj0v2vdpi4cko45zodsehm5))/documents/mcl/pdf/mcl-act-214-of-1952.pdf
QuoteAN ACT authorizing the Mackinac bridge authority to acquire a bridge connecting the upper and lower peninsulas of Michigan, including causeways, tunnels, roads and all useful related equipment and facilities, including park, parking, recreation, lighting and terminal facilities; extending the corporate existence of the authority; authorizing such authority to enjoy and carry out all powers incident to its corporate objects; authorizing the appropriation and use of state funds for the preliminary purposes of the authority; providing for the payment of the cost of such bridge and in that connection authorizing the authority to issue revenue bonds payable solely from the revenues of the bridge; granting the right of condemnation to the authority; granting the use of state land and property to the authority; making provisions for the payment and security of such bonds and granting certain rights and remedies to the holders thereof; authorizing banks and trust companies to perform certain acts in connection therewith; authorizing the imposition of tolls and charges; authorizing the authority to secure the consent of the United States government to the construction of the bridge and to secure approval of plans, specifications and location of same; authorizing employment of engineers irrespective of whether such engineers have been previously employed to make preliminary inspections or reports with respect to the bridge; authorizing the state highway department to operate and maintain such bridge or to contribute thereto and enter into leases and agreements in connection therewith; exempting such bonds and the property of the authority from taxation; prohibiting competing traffic facilities; authorizing the operation of ferries by the authority; providing for the construction and use of certain buildings; and making an appropriation.
Why is it that the side dishes always taste better than the main course at meals?
From Red Green: "If salad is so good for you, how come you can't barbecue it?"
Quote from: TheHighwayMan394 on September 17, 2016, 06:34:20 PM
Why is it that the side dishes always taste better than the main course at meals?
Do they not taste better than main courses at other times?
Quote from: J N Winkler on September 17, 2016, 10:38:06 AM
The word turnpike is descended from the original (seventeenth century) British concept of a toll road, where payment of tolls was enforced by actual turnstiles. It is increasingly anachronistic now that tollbooths with swinging-arm barriers, a staple of US public-authority turnpikes from the 1940's onward, are giving way to electronic toll collection. However, I object to it less than I do to state-specific nomenclatures that seem highly precious. For example, in Michigan the Mackinac Bridge is nowhere referred to as a "toll bridge." Instead it is a "fare bridge," so you get sign messages like "last exit before fare," "pay fare 1 mile," "bridge fares" followed by amount charged per axle, etc. It is just as annoying as North Dakota referring to fines for traffic infractions (like speeding) as "fees."
In 2006, MDOT printed the last state highway map to refer to them as "fare facilities", switching instead to "Bridge and Tunnel Tolls" for the same box on the map in 2007.
Do modern vehicles have a slow-acting self-destruct sequence that activates at a certain reading on the odometer?
Why is it that after working in the rain all day...feeling miserable and disgusting...the first thing I wanna do is take a shower, and it feels great??
Why do clowns exist? I at least have a good reason for mosquitoes to exist.
Will eating a hamburger cure you of your fear of cows?
Why must foods give you gas...up to & including baked ice water casserole?
If a parsley farmer loses a lawsuit but won't pay the money, do they garnish his wages?
In DVD re-issues of older movies, why is the movie restored to near-pristine quality, but the trailer (when included) isn't ?
If Jack the midget rode into town on a horse and had trouble dismounting, would you help Jack off the horse?
Why a woman wears a "pair" of panties but just one bra?
Gallagher:
*If your knees bent the other way, what would a chair look like?
George Carlin:
*"I got fired from a show in Las Vegas at the Frontier Hotel for saying 'shit'. In a town where the big game is called Craps. ...Never made sense to me."
*"Place the turkey in a pre-heated oven! It's ridiculous! There are only two states an oven can possibly exist in, heated or un-heated!"
*"Flammable... Inflammable... Non-Inflammable. Shouldn't two words be enough to cover that?"
Quote from: SSOWorld on October 15, 2016, 10:30:49 AM
Why a woman wears a "pair" of panties but just one bra?
I have been known to have arguments with my wife about this one. She simply doesn't know when to stop with me....
Quote from: cjk374 on October 11, 2016, 06:17:32 PMDo modern vehicles have a slow-acting self-destruct sequence that activates at a certain reading on the odometer?
The line between inherent vice and planned obsolescence is often hard to define, but I suspect the following parts of having been used for the latter over the years:
* Fenders up to about 1990 or so: These used to be a single stamping of sheet steel and rust would typically initiate from the bottom upward, starting at either stone chip impact points around or behind the wheel wells, or at triple-layer welded joints for which quality control is very hard to do (I had the latter problem with a 1986 Nissan Maxima). Now fender rust is rare since fenders are usually two-part components--the upper part is still (usually) stamped sheet steel while the bottom part is plastic and is part of the bumper cover.
* Headliners after about 1990 or so: It is perfectly possible to make a headliner that won't collapse or exhibit signs of fabric delamination even after 20 years; the secret is to use woven plastic. My 1986 Nissan Maxima had a headliner that looked almost brand-new after 22 years. Nowadays, however, headliners tend to be made of fabric glued to sponge foam that in turn is glued to a shaped particleboard backing. After about ten years, depending in part on whether the car is parked outdoors, the fabric tends either to tear and hang down in shreds (this started happening to my 1994 Saturn SL2 after 21 years), or to come loose of the sponge foam and hang down in billows that can obscure the view through the inside rearview mirror. Short-term solutions are available (tape, thumbtacks, etc.), but the only long-term solution is to rebuild the headliner, which entails removing trim so that the headliner shell can be dropped and taken out and scraped out, with new headliner fabric secured using industrial glue. Contrary to the stereotype of car guys as men's men uninterested in traditionally feminine crafts, anyone who has done a headliner rebuild is very familiar with the fabric matching options at Joann's.
* Rear oxygen sensors after 1996: OBD II (now required by the EPA) uses a rear oxygen sensor to monitor the efficiency of the catalytic converter. Unlike the front oxygen sensor, which is used to keep the air-fuel mixture from leaning out and burning the valves, the rear oxygen sensor has no control function and is a pure artifact of regulatory compliance. When the catalyst goes bad, or the sensor itself goes bad, it sets a CEL that is usually uneconomic to repair except in states that require clean OBD II diagnostics for re-registration and seriously impairs customer satisfaction.
Quote from: cjk374 on October 11, 2016, 06:17:32 PMWhy must foods give you gas...up to & including baked ice water casserole?
There are a few sources of intestinal gas that tend to be poorly controlled because they are non-obvious.
* Air ingested while eating.
* Step increases in fiber consumption (very common for Americans since just 2%-10% of the US population gets 100% or more of the fiber RDA on an ongoing basis).
* Failure to soak dry beans before cooking.
In light of last night's Cubs win - Why is baseball's final championship called the World Series, when the only teams in the leagues are from the US and Canada?
Quote from: roadman on November 03, 2016, 01:06:14 PM
In light of last night's Cubs win - Why is baseball's final championship called the World Series, when the only teams in the leagues are from the US and Canada?
Well duh
It's because the players are from all over the world.
I've read it's called World Series after a newspaper called New York World. And I think this should be called North America Series (to take into account the Blue Jays, who don't play in the USA), as a true World Series should see Chicago Cubs playing against Japanese champions Hokkaido Fighters (if such a series was to be played this year).
Quote from: CNGL-Leudimin on November 04, 2016, 08:02:25 AM
I've read it's called World Series after a newspaper called New York World. ...
Snopes says no: http://www.snopes.com/business/names/worldseries.asp
But they don't give any concrete explanation for the name, other than it was used way back when.
"Have you ever noticed that you never seem to get laid much on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed." - Geoerge Carlin
The locomotives are still loco and they have no motive. What should I do?
Quote from: hm insulators on November 10, 2016, 03:16:55 PM
The locomotives are still loco and they have no motive. What should I do?
Call NRE to get them fixed. With us, NRE does not stand for National Railway Equipment...it stands for No Running Engines.
Their field repair contractors suck.
Do I want the blue T-shirt with the small badge logo? http://soulr.com/merch/the-blue-tee-shirt-with-the-small-badge-logo
Quote from: roadman on November 03, 2016, 01:06:14 PM
In light of last night's Cubs win - Why is baseball's final championship called the World Series, when the only teams in the leagues are from the US and Canada?
I'd guess no other reason than it was the most grandiose name they could think of. Same reason the NFL's final championship game is called the Super Bowl.
Other unanswered ponderables I have seen:
* Why is the word "abbreviated" so long?
* Whose cruel idea was it to put a "s" in the word "lisp"?
* Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
* Why is it that Superman can stop bullets with his chest, but he ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
* Why do I have to press "ONE" for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
* Why do people pay money to go up in tall buildings, and then put more money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
* Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but they don't point at their crotch when they ask for directions to the bathroom?
* Who were the beta-testers for Preparations A through G?
Quote from: wanderer2575 on November 19, 2016, 08:01:51 PM* Who were the beta-testers for Preparations A through G?
Preparation H gets its name from hemorrhoids, so you might equally well ask what it is called in countries where the local word for this condition does not start with H. And the formulation itself varies from country to country (hydrocortisone in some, phenylephrine in others, etc.).
For what it is worth, the article on hemorrhoids in Italian Wikipedia (which, BTW, has a star) speaks of the available topical remedies in entirely generic terms:
Quote from: Italian Wikipedia article on 'emorroidi'Il trattamento conservativo consiste tipicamente nell'aumentare l'assunzione di fibre alimentari e di fluidi per mantenere l'idratazione, di assumere anti-infiammatori non steroidei (FANS) e, in aggiunta, viene consigliato il riposo.[3] L'assunzione maggiore di fibre ha dimostrato di migliorare i risultati[50] e può essere ottenuta con una modifica della dieta o grazie al consumo di integratori alimentari.[3][50]
Mentre molti agenti topici e supposte sono disponibili per il trattamento delle emorroidi, vi sono poche prove per sostenerne il loro uso.[3] Preparati contenenti steroidi non devono essere usati per più di due settimane in quanto possono causare assottigliamento della pelle.[3] La maggior parte degli agenti comprendono una combinazione di principi attivi.[18] Questi possono includere una crema come vaselina oppure ossido di zinco, un analgesico come la lidocaina e un vasocostrittore come l'adrenalina. Possibile anche l'impiego di preparazioni contenenti dobesilato o mesalazina.[18] I flavonoidi sono di discutibile beneficio con potenziali effetti collaterali.[18][51] In caso di gravidanza i sintomi, solitamente, si risolvono dopo il parto e quindi il trattamento viene ritardato fino a quel momento per determinare se è ancora necessario.[52]
Quote from: wanderer2575 on November 19, 2016, 08:01:51 PM
* Why do people pay money to go up in tall buildings, and then put more money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Because it's really hard to see all those places with your own binoculars while standing on the sidewalk down below.
Quote from: kphoger on November 19, 2016, 09:02:42 PM
Quote from: wanderer2575 on November 19, 2016, 08:01:51 PM
* Why do people pay money to go up in tall buildings, and then put more money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Because it's really hard to see all those places with your own binoculars while standing on the sidewalk down below.
Also, if you're using your own binoculars, folks might think that you're doing something a bit pervy (so many windows; so little time)!
Favorite Ice Cream Toppings of the Lactose Intolerant
If you acquire a female llama, can you resist the temptation to name her "Dolly"?
How do blind people know when to stop wiping?
Do a trillion (10^12) microphones make up a megaphone?
Why in the vacuum-cleaner ads does the cord stay meekly and obediently out of the way but when I vacuum the apartment, the cord insists on horning in on the job and it takes a minimum of one hand to hold the cord out of the way so I don't trip over the damn thing?
A pickup line guaranteed to get you roundly slapped immediately:
"Nice legs! What time do they open?"
(courtesy of a close friend who's going through a very bitter divorce)
Quote from: hm insulators on February 09, 2017, 04:24:11 PMWhy in the vacuum-cleaner ads does the cord stay meekly and obediently out of the way but when I vacuum the apartment, the cord insists on horning in on the job and it takes a minimum of one hand to hold the cord out of the way so I don't trip over the damn thing?
Two observations:
* Commercials are almost certainly choreographed (observe cord dress)
* Most vacuum cleaners have a cord clip underneath the handle that you are supposed to use to avoid stepping on the cord (not that I use it, personally)
When I am vacuuming an oblong space, like a hallway that leads to bedrooms, I often stop midway through just to pull a length of the cord back so that the majority is sitting next to the outlet, away from feet that might step on it.
Quote from: Takumi on November 27, 2016, 02:39:22 PM
How do blind people know when to stop wiping?
https://www.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/comments/1w56je/how_do_blind_people_know_when_to_stop_wiping/
Have the bands Kansas & Toto ever toured together? If they did, would they let Ozzy Osborne join them & name their tour "The Wizard of Oz tour"?
Quote from: cjk374 on February 24, 2017, 06:56:31 PM
Have the bands Kansas & Toto ever toured together? If they did, would they let Ozzy Osborne join them & name their tour "The Wizard of Oz tour"?
Nice one! :-D
I asked this when I turned 40...what kind of wine goes with Metamucil (my mother thought I was asking a riddle rather than poking fun at people who ask what kind of wine goes with different things, and a play on George Carlin's famous question, what kind of wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?)
Observation. You do realize that the cheese wheel from the Cheez-it commercials is immature as a method of survival, right?
Quote from: OracleUsr on February 26, 2017, 05:17:01 AM
Observation. You do realize that the cheese wheel from the Cheez-it commercials is immature as a method of survival, right?
This is also true of us who are approaching the crest of the hill. I tell everyone that I refuse to age. I try to do fun things that seem immature but it helps me feel a bit younger. I try to ignore the signs of aging. However, I have to stay aware of the changes so I can try to stay ahead of any possible problems.
I'm 43 now...I tell people I plan on living til I am around 120 (if Jacob can do it, so can I :bigass:). But I want my old age to be active, not sedentary in a bed waiting to die. So I will continue to do things that make me feel young until I can't do anything at all.