A Highway Patrolman had stopped a gal on Interstate 80 just east of Seattle. After informing her that she was speeding 15 miles an hour over the 65 limit. Calmly, she pointed to the Interstate 80 sign and told the officer that she was doing exactly the speed limit, 80. Unimpressed, the officer said 'Maam, that's the Interstate Number, NOT the speed limit, which is 65. The gal started shaking and tearing up and got all upset. The officer said it wasn't a big deal, the ticket would only be about $45.00. She turned to him and said "That's not what's bothering me- I just got off of highway 115."
I didn't see a JOKES folder here - so, thought I'd give it a whirl.
Quote from: LA_MetroMan on November 03, 2012, 10:06:09 PM
A Highway Patrolman had stopped a bus full of nuns on Interstate 5 just south of Seattle. After informing the driver that she was driving far too slowly for a major freeway and posing a danger to everyone . Calmly, she pointed to the Interstate 5 sign and told the officer that she was doing exactly the speed limit, 5. Unimpressed, the officer said 'Maam, that's the Interstate Number, NOT the speed limit, which is 65.' The officer started to walk away, when he noticed that all the nuns were shaking and tearing up and all upset. The officer said it wasn't a big deal, the ticket would only be about $45.00, so he asked why all of the nuns looked so upset. She turned to him and said "Oh, my, well I just got off of highway 101 ."
I didn't see a JOKES folder here - so, thought I'd give it a whirl.
FIFY.
I've actually been told a similar joke by my grandpa who lives in Boston. It's almost the same concept, but different highway numbers. Basically it was this...
Quote from: LA_MetroMan on November 03, 2012, 10:06:09 PM
A Highway Patrolman had stopped a gal on Route 24 just south of Boston. After informing her that she was going 41 miles an hour under the 65 limit. Calmly, she pointed to the Route 24 sign and told the officer that she was doing exactly the speed limit, 24. Unimpressed, the officer said 'Maam, that's the Route Number, NOT the speed limit, which is 65. The gal started shaking and tearing up and got all upset. The officer said it wasn't a big deal, the ticket would only be about $45.00. She turned to him and said "That's not what's bothering me- I just got off of Route 128."
Quote from: PennDOTFan on November 03, 2012, 10:56:05 PM
I've actually been told a similar joke by my grandpa who lives in Boston. It's almost the same concept, but different highway numbers. Basically it was this...
Quote from: LA_MetroMan on November 03, 2012, 10:06:09 PM
A Highway Patrolman had stopped a gal on Route 24 just south of Boston. After informing her that she was going 41 miles an hour under the 65 limit. Calmly, she pointed to the Route 24 sign and told the officer that she was doing exactly the speed limit, 24. Unimpressed, the officer said 'Maam, that's the Route Number, NOT the speed limit, which is 65. The gal started shaking and tearing up and got all upset. The officer said it wasn't a big deal, the ticket would only be about $45.00. She turned to him and said "That's not what's bothering me- I just got off of Route 128."
That one works better, because MA state route shields look closer to speed limit signs.
And of course, I-80 east of Seattle just doesn't add up!
Quote from: LA_MetroMan on November 03, 2012, 10:06:09 PM
A Highway Patrolman had stopped a modified car on Interstate 696 just north of Detroit. After informing the driver that he was speeding 641 miles an hour over the 55 limit and that he was also crashing into numerous cars, even destroying several. Calmly, he pointed to the Interstate 696 sign and told the officer that he was doing exactly the speed limit, 696. Unimpressed, the officer said Driver, that's the Interstate Number, NOT the speed limit, which is 55. The driver started shaking and tearing up and got all upset. The officer said it wasn't a big deal, the ticket would only be about $45.00. He turned to him and said "That's not what's bothering me- I just got off of 10."
:spin:
Quote from: LA_MetroMan on November 03, 2012, 10:06:09 PM
A Alanland Constable had stopped a gal on Grand Unified Freeway №233-5D just east of Quindaro. After informing her that she was speeding 8 liters an hour over the ħ limit. Calmly, she pointed to the 233-5D sign and told the officer that she was the Warbler. Unimpressed, the officer said 'Maam, you forgot to wear shoes. The gal started shaking and tearing up and got all upset. The officer said it wasn't a big deal, and released a swarm of bees into the car. She turned to him and said "That's not what's bothering me- oh my god i cant feel my face"
Quote from: Steve on November 03, 2012, 10:25:47 PM
Quote from: LA_MetroMan on November 03, 2012, 10:06:09 PM
A Highway Patrolman had stopped a bus full of nuns on Interstate 5 just south of Seattle. After informing the driver that she was driving far too slowly for a major freeway and posing a danger to everyone . Calmly, she pointed to the Interstate 5 sign and told the officer that she was doing exactly the speed limit, 5. Unimpressed, the officer said 'Maam, that's the Interstate Number, NOT the speed limit, which is 65.' The officer started to walk away, when he noticed that all the nuns were shaking and tearing up and all upset. The officer said it wasn't a big deal, the ticket would only be about $45.00, so he asked why all of the nuns looked so upset. She turned to him and said "Oh, my, well I just got off of highway 101 ."
I didn't see a JOKES folder here - so, thought I'd give it a whirl.
FIFY.
This is better, except that the speed limit on I-5 is 60 for quite a ways south of Seattle. And they're State Patrol here.
Quote from: kkt on November 04, 2012, 07:39:27 PM
Quote from: Steve on November 03, 2012, 10:25:47 PM
Quote from: LA_MetroMan on November 03, 2012, 10:06:09 PM
A Highway Patrolman had stopped a bus full of nuns on Interstate 5 just south of Seattle. After informing the driver that she was driving far too slowly for a major freeway and posing a danger to everyone . Calmly, she pointed to the Interstate 5 sign and told the officer that she was doing exactly the speed limit, 5. Unimpressed, the officer said 'Maam, that's the Interstate Number, NOT the speed limit, which is 65.' The officer started to walk away, when he noticed that all the nuns were shaking and tearing up and all upset. The officer said it wasn't a big deal, the ticket would only be about $45.00, so he asked why all of the nuns looked so upset. She turned to him and said "Oh, my, well I just got off of highway 101 ."
I didn't see a JOKES folder here - so, thought I'd give it a whirl.
FIFY.
This is better, except that the speed limit on I-5 is 60 for quite a ways south of Seattle. And they're State Patrol here.
To be fair, I originally heard the joke about California, and it involved 55 mph, not 65. This was many years ago.
Quote from: empirestate on November 04, 2012, 01:50:42 AM
That one works better, because MA state route shields look closer to speed limit signs.
And of course, I-80 east of Seattle just doesn't add up!
Perhaps the OP was thinking I-90 east of Seattle? Or if he still wanted to do I-80, maybe set the scene east of San Francisco/Oakland or even Sacramento?
Anyway, here's a Windy City variant of the joke, with an homage to a certain Dan Aykroyd movie:
Quote from: LA_MetroMan on November 03, 2012, 10:06:09 PM
A Highway Patrolman had stopped the Blues Brothers on Interstate 94 just north of Chicago. After informing them that they were speeding 29 miles an hour over the 65 limit. Calmly, they pointed to the Interstate 94 sign and told the officer that they were doing exactly the speed limit, 94. Unimpressed, the officer said 'Gentlemen, that's the Interstate Number, NOT the speed limit, which is 65. The Blues Brothers started shaking and tearing up and got all upset. The officer said it wasn't a big deal, the ticket would only be about $45.00. They turned to him and said "That's not what's bothering us- we just got off of Interstate 57."
bridge to hawaii doesn't understand women ha ha ha
Quote from: NE2 on November 04, 2012, 09:26:43 PM
bridge to hawaii doesn't understand women ha ha ha
LOL - I DO appreciate all your replies to my original. Funniest thing I'v e ever seen. (insert replacement here) (delete reference here)(redact 1-100;less 13-21, 44)(rofl)
LA MetroMan
I has heard stories over the years of City of Chicago cops writing speeding tickets on Cicero Ave (IL 50), with the drivers mistaking the Illinois state highway route markers for the very similar-looking MUTCD speed limit signs. Its speed limit is 35 MPH (about 60 km/h).
:spin:
Mike
Quote from: mgk920 on November 05, 2012, 12:04:32 PM
I has heard stories over the years of City of Chicago cops writing speeding tickets on Cicero Ave (IL 50), with the drivers mistaking the Illinois state highway route markers for the very similar-looking MUTCD speed limit signs. Its speed limit is 35 MPH (about 60 km/h).
:spin:
Mike
Well, I decided to base the following on that...
Quote from: LA_MetroMan on November 03, 2012, 10:06:09 PM
A Highway Patrolman had stopped a gal on Cicero Avenue in Chicago. After informing her that she was speeding 15 miles an hour over the 35 limit. Calmly, she pointed to the Illinois Route 50 sign and told the officer that she was doing exactly the speed limit, 50. Unimpressed, the officer said 'Maam, that's the Route Number, NOT the speed limit, which is 35. The gal started shaking and tearing up and got all upset. The officer said it wasn't a big deal, the ticket would only be about $45.00. She turned to him and said "That's not what's bothering me- I just got off of the Ike."
Perhaps a similar case can be argued for the Maryland shields as well.
Quote from: LA_MetroMan on November 03, 2012, 10:06:09 PM
A Highway Patrolman had stopped a gal on Route 32 between Baltimore and Washington. After informing her that she was going 33 miles an hour under the 65 limit. Calmly, she pointed to the Route 32 sign and told the officer that she was doing exactly the speed limit, 32. Unimpressed, the officer said 'Maam, that's the Route Number, NOT the speed limit, which is 65. The gal started shaking and tearing up and got all upset. The officer said it wasn't a big deal, the ticket would only be about $45.00. She turned to him and said "That's not what's bothering me- I just got off of I-95."
A Jaded Roadgeek had stopped a Henry on Topic 8008 in General Highway Talk. After informing him that he was beating a dead joke over the 9 lives limit. Calmly, he pointed to the posts above him and told the roadgeek that he was doing exactly what they did. Unimpressed, the roadgeek said 'Dude, it wasn't funny when they did it, and it's NOT funny now. The Henry started shaking and tearing up and got all upset. The roadgeek said it wasn't a big deal, the ticket would only be about $45.00. He turned to him and said "That's not what's bothering me- I just got done plowing an Interstate through Yellowstone."
PS: spot the sentence fragment (and other errors for extra credit).
Quote from: NE2 on November 05, 2012, 09:52:17 PM
A Jaded Roadgeek had stopped a Henry on Topic 8008 in General Highway Talk. After informing him that he was beating a dead joke over the 9 lives limit. Calmly, he pointed to the posts above him and told the roadgeek that he was doing exactly what they did. Unimpressed, the roadgeek said 'Dude, it wasn't funny when they did it, and it's NOT funny now. The Henry started shaking and tearing up and got all upset. The roadgeek said it wasn't a big deal, the ticket would only be about $45.00. He turned to him and said "That's not what's bothering me- I just got done plowing an Interstate through Yellowstone."
PS: spot the sentence fragment (and other errors for extra credit).
Way to make fun of me! :-D :rofl:
Quote from: NE2 on November 05, 2012, 09:52:17 PM
A Jaded Roadgeek had stopped a Henry on Topic 8008 in General Highway Talk. After informing him that he was beating a dead joke over the 9 lives limit. Calmly, he pointed to the posts above him and told the roadgeek that he was doing exactly what they did. Unimpressed, the roadgeek said 'Dude, it wasn't funny when they did it, and it's NOT funny now. The Henry started shaking and tearing up and got all upset. The roadgeek said it wasn't a big deal, the ticket would only be about $45.00. He turned to him and said "That's not what's bothering me- I just got done plowing an Interstate through Yellowstone."
PS: spot the sentence fragment (and other errors for extra credit).
I somehow knew it would be worth it to read this thread today.
Two roadgeeks were arguing about something in which neither had any control of...oh, I forgot the rest of the joke.
Quote from: formulanone on November 07, 2012, 09:39:26 AM
Two roadgeeks were arguing about something in which neither had any control of...oh, I forgot the rest of the joke.
So one of them says, "Alanland!" and they both go off and don't get laid.
Hate to throw in a NASCAR pun, but here goes, knowing that there aren't a whole lot of NASCAR fans I know of since I quit following NASCAR, but, as for the topic at hand, here is my own joke:
A Montana Highway Patrolman had stopped Jimmie Johnson on Interstate 94 just north of Billings. After informing him that he was speeding 24 miles an hour over the 75 limit. Calmly, Jimmie pointed to the Interstate 94 sign and told the officer that he was doing exactly the speed limit, 94. Unimpressed, the officer said 'Sir, that's the Interstate Number, NOT the speed limit, which is 75. Jimmie started shaking and facepalming and got all upset. The officer said "Listen, Five-Timer. It's not a big deal, the ticket would only be about $45.00". He turned to him and said "That's not what's bothering me- I just got off of Highway 212!"
...hope it sticks.
NASCAR fans can't do math.
Quote from: Steve on November 07, 2012, 06:10:41 PM
So one of them says, "Alanland!" and they both go off and don't get laid.
"Oh look, Canada to hold referendum..."
Quote from: NE2 on November 07, 2012, 07:53:53 PM
NASCAR fans can't do math.
They can't figure it out because they're all drunk in their heads! Ah, that's what you expect from them anyway.
I see your NASCAR version, and raise you an Indy:
Quote from: Billy F 1988 on November 07, 2012, 07:39:13 PM
A Tennessee Highway Patrolman had stopped Danica Patrick on Interstate 240 just south of Memphis. After informing her that she was speeding 170 miles an hour over the 70 limit. Calmly, Danica pointed to the Interstate 240 sign and told the officer that she was doing exactly the speed limit, 240. Unimpressed, the officer said 'Ma'am, that's the Interstate Number, NOT the speed limit, which is 70. Danica started shaking and cursing under her breath and got all upset. The officer said "Hey, Miss Indy Star, it's not a big deal, the ticket would only be about $45.00". She turned to him and said "That's not what's bothering me- I just got off of Highway 78!"
So she's upset that she was...doing 8 over the limit?
Some of these are getting more and more puzzling.
It's NASCAR humor. It's not supposed to make sense.
The Sheriff would've loved to stop those speeding nuns, but was busy looking for a drug bust. He heard of a potential drug lab on a property nearby. The trail led to a dairy ranch. The rancher greets the Sheriff at the front door asking "What can I do for you constable?"
The Sheriff told the rancher that drugs were a big problem in this area and that as the new Sheriff, he's gonna stop it now. He asked the rancher if he could inspect the ranch property for any signs of drug lab or residues. The rancher says "Sure, constable - but I'd stay away from that northeast corner (as he points in that direction) - Just for your safety.
The Sheriff, somewhat agitated, slaps down his new badge and says 'Look sir, this badge says I can go anywhere on your property and that's what I intend to do." "Be my guest constable," says the rancher, " you can get out that way".
About fifteen minutes later, hearing the screams from the Sheriff, the rancher knew where to go and ran towards the northeast corner. To no surprise, the constable was being chased and about to be gored by the ranchers prize bull. The Sheriff, fear on his face and tears in his eyes, raced by him screaming "Help me, how do you get that beast to stop?"
The rancher yelled back "Show him the badge, show him the badge".
After stopping in Alanland to freshen up at the local 'Big J's, the nuns continued on to Seattle to see the space needle and the Ballard locks.
Quote from: LA_MetroMan on November 03, 2012, 10:06:09 PM
A Highway Patrolman had stopped a gal on Interstate 80 just east of Seattle. After informing her that she was speeding 15 miles an hour over the 65 limit. Calmly, she pointed to the Interstate 80 sign and told the officer that she was doing exactly the speed limit, 80. Unimpressed, the officer said 'Maam, that's the Interstate Number, NOT the speed limit, which is 65. The gal started shaking and tearing up and got all upset. The officer said it wasn't a big deal, the ticket would only be about $45.00. She turned to him and said "That's not what's bothering me- I just got off of highway 115."
I didn't see a JOKES folder here - so, thought I'd give it a whirl.
Must be a joke from the 80s. You can add a zero to today's fine.