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Author Topic: Should I Give Up Here?  (Read 2892 times)

707

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Should I Give Up Here?
« on: July 31, 2018, 01:24:54 AM »

I've been debating this for a few years now. The sarcastic demeanor and lack of support at times really gets to me. I don't know if it's because I'm autistic or not, but I do admit to having sensitivity issues from time to time. Either way, I try to post something or take part in conversations or larger topics, where usually I'm met with little support for any small projects, tons of sarcasm (which I assume is people trying to be funny), statements or non-question related posts receiving less than positive attention or responses sometimes and some posts or questions largely ignored or pushed aside. Recently, I was targeted by a group of bullies in an unrelated setting which lead to me losing almost all my friends and having to restart my social life. Due to that, the feelings of frustration or disappointment due to issues encountered on the forum felt more intense than usual, with the other incident magnifying the feelings. I while ago, I tried to compile some driving directions for different incarnations of US 80 through the south. I put a lot of hard work into it and got very little positive feedback and mostly people just telling me everything I was doing wrong, then at one point when I did get a good draft with all the necessary corrections, everyone fell silent. As one can guess, that lead me to abandon the small project all together. It felt meaningless and stupid since no one seemed to like what I was doing.

Overall, some of the responses I've received over the years and some of these issues I've brought up give me the feeling I'm seen as a nuisance around the forum or a minor annoyance. That people generally don't like me here. I do my best to be the best community member I can, but I feel like nothing's working. Maybe I should just stop doing the same things over again, expecting a different result and just quit already? I don't know.
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adventurernumber1

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Re: Should I Give Up Here?
« Reply #1 on: July 31, 2018, 01:52:13 AM »

Don't give up. I have autism as well (which can make it harder to read emotions well and detect what aura someone is giving off during social interaction - including online) - this is compounded by the fact that I also have Depression, which gives me a perceptual set for pessimism (i.e. I am more likely to perceive interactions and such in a much more negative way than they actually are). Unfortunately but at the same time as a relief (once I know the truth), something usually isn't actually as negative as it was in my mind when I first perceived it. But basically, I know how you feel, and I think there is a good chance people here don't really have anything against you and you just may have perceived the situation more negatively than it actually was. People here do like to throw around sarcasm and jokes and stuff sometimes, but that's okay (everyone has different personalities and ways of social interaction). I wouldn't take it personally. I'm sure the great majority of people here have absolutely nothing against you. If you want my honest opinion, I think you seem like a really cool guy, and that you would be missed if you left. I believe I saw your driving directions thread a little while ago, and I really liked it. I thought it was very nice, and I was impressed by the work and effort that was put into it. The unfortunate truth is that when we see something we like but don't have anything extra to add to it, we usually don't speak up. This was the case with me, as I actually thought your post was really nice, but I never actually commented on it, so you had no idea. However, when someone has constructive criticism (which is good), or any other kind of criticism, they are definitely going to speak up, as they must elaborate on why they disagree. I want to offer you my support, and I think many other people here support you as well. I think you would be missed if you leave, so I would take the chance to stay.
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jakeroot

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Re: Should I Give Up Here?
« Reply #2 on: July 31, 2018, 02:01:07 AM »

While it may involve your autism, it doesn't help that about 90% of the community here also has either that or Aspergers. Not a good mix.

I say stick it out; we are cruel but only because we're stubborn. We mean well, even if we don't give that impression.
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707

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Re: Should I Give Up Here?
« Reply #3 on: July 31, 2018, 02:58:52 AM »

Thank you both very much for the encouraging words. Im glad to know I'm not as odd or annoying around here as I thought. I'll try to toughen up a bit more and not let this get to me as much as it is.

VS988

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Re: Should I Give Up Here?
« Reply #4 on: July 31, 2018, 05:30:01 AM »

Sarcasm peppers this forum here and there.  Contribute how and when you want, and the admins will let you know if you're truly off base or not.  Otherwise, just as with other groups of onliners, you will get a mixed bag.  I've had a few dud postings that fell flat over the years, but oh well.  We probably all will at times.  Hope you are living as well as possible in your spectrum.
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abefroman329

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Re: Should I Give Up Here?
« Reply #5 on: July 31, 2018, 08:44:57 AM »

This board is far less interested in sincerity or normal human interaction than others Iíve been on - Iíve mebtioned my wife being pregnant and/or our son on several occasions and barely gotten a response. On the other hand, as others have noted, it IS a forum about roads...

I recommend sticking around.
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Re: Should I Give Up Here?
« Reply #6 on: July 31, 2018, 08:58:37 AM »

I recommend sticking around.

I agree. Even if any of us seem brusque or abrasive, it's largely unintentional. Cases of people actually being dicks to each other on this forum are usually handled pretty quickly.
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NE2

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Re: Should I Give Up Here?
« Reply #7 on: July 31, 2018, 09:24:55 AM »

Iíve mebtioned my wife being pregnant
I'm sorry.
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webny99

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Re: Should I Give Up Here?
« Reply #8 on: July 31, 2018, 09:30:53 AM »

This board is far less interested in sincerity or normal human interaction than others Iíve been on.

I wouldn't have put it like that. Discussion about emotions, personal lives, and so on, isn't what this forum is meant for.
It's not that we're insincere, just that we're ... online ... and communicating with people we may never meet in real life. And a lot of us have a dry sense of humor (case in point), which may not bode well with the more emotional among us.

In my case, the roads are what I come here to discuss. It's a learning experience, and I also feel comfortable sharing my own thoughts about highways, road systems, traffic congestion, highway numbering, and so on. I can't say the same of other settings; I think it's part of being a roadgeek. Essentially, and fundamentally, "normal human interaction" probably has a different implied meaning here than it does in a lot of other places.  :-D

about 90% of the community here also has either that or Aspergers.

Citation needed.
« Last Edit: July 31, 2018, 09:37:16 AM by webny99 »
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jon daly

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Re: Should I Give Up Here?
« Reply #9 on: July 31, 2018, 09:33:27 AM »

This board is far less interested in sincerity or normal human interaction than others Iíve been on - Iíve mebtioned my wife being pregnant and/or our son on several occasions and barely gotten a response. On the other hand, as others have noted, it IS a forum about roads...

I recommend sticking around.

Real life doesn't seem to get discussed much here unless it is on the road AND I imagine most posters stick to particular boards that most reflect their interests. I'm interested in road history and haven't designed highways since I was younger, so the fictional highways board, to name one example, doesn't interest me much. And I'm mainly interested in the Northeast when it comes to regional boards.

I've been to a meet once when I was younger and had more free time and most of my interests here involves maps and other topics that are slightly off-topic or funny films from my youth (looks more closely in abe's direction.)

IIRC, your son was due at the beginning of this month, but I saw no mention afterwards. How's everyone doing?
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MNHighwayMan

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Re: Should I Give Up Here?
« Reply #10 on: July 31, 2018, 09:34:03 AM »

about 90% of the community here also has either that or Aspergers.
Citation needed.

I'm pretty sure that was exaggeration for dramatic effect, but I wouldn't be surprised if the incidence rate among members here far exceeds the incidence rate in the general population.
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jon daly

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Re: Should I Give Up Here?
« Reply #11 on: July 31, 2018, 09:36:55 AM »

^ You should read boards on baseball sabermetrics.
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MNHighwayMan

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Re: Should I Give Up Here?
« Reply #12 on: July 31, 2018, 09:40:23 AM »

Baseball bores me long before I even get to the statistics side of it. No thanks. :ded:
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webny99

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Re: Should I Give Up Here?
« Reply #13 on: July 31, 2018, 09:41:01 AM »

about 90% of the community here also has either that or Aspergers.
Citation needed.
I'm pretty sure that was exaggeration for dramatic effect, but I wouldn't be surprised if the incidence rate among members here far exceeds the incidence rate in the general population.

I know he was exaggerating, but I also recall the subject being discussed before.
After all, it is much easier to type "citation needed" and let others do the work of finding, and linking, the aforementioned discussion, than to do it myself.  :-P
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formulanone

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Re: Should I Give Up Here?
« Reply #14 on: July 31, 2018, 09:45:21 AM »

707, I'm looking at your last couple dozen posts of yours, and none of the responses seem mean at all. Nobody resorted name-calling. If at all, there's others being helpful. Nobody is 100% correct. Enjoying what you enjoy about a particular subset of a hobby is always going to be a solitary process, as it is for everyone here.

This forum doesn't tend towards being "congratulatory" very often; especially regarding off-topic stuff, but that's the way it is. I've seen those with no off-topic stuff, so at least it goes somewhere past the gray pavement and white concrete and into discussions of sports and...chewing gum.

Outside the internet: You set goals, go achieve them, expect it to take time and hard work, expect nothing in return that you hadn't bargained for, expect no praise, and do it all again.

abefroman329

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Re: Should I Give Up Here?
« Reply #15 on: July 31, 2018, 10:30:59 AM »

Iíve mebtioned my wife being pregnant
I'm sorry.
And when I find the son of a bitch who did it...
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abefroman329

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Re: Should I Give Up Here?
« Reply #16 on: July 31, 2018, 10:32:17 AM »

This board is far less interested in sincerity or normal human interaction than others Iíve been on - Iíve mebtioned my wife being pregnant and/or our son on several occasions and barely gotten a response. On the other hand, as others have noted, it IS a forum about roads...

I recommend sticking around.

Real life doesn't seem to get discussed much here unless it is on the road AND I imagine most posters stick to particular boards that most reflect their interests. I'm interested in road history and haven't designed highways since I was younger, so the fictional highways board, to name one example, doesn't interest me much. And I'm mainly interested in the Northeast when it comes to regional boards.

I've been to a meet once when I was younger and had more free time and most of my interests here involves maps and other topics that are slightly off-topic or funny films from my youth (looks more closely in abe's direction.)

IIRC, your son was due at the beginning of this month, but I saw no mention afterwards. How's everyone doing?
Oh, everyone is well, thanks. He was born in the 8th and is progressing nicely. His name is Henry. Iíd post pics here but have no idea how to do it.
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formulanone

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Re: Should I Give Up Here?
« Reply #17 on: July 31, 2018, 10:33:54 AM »

This board is far less interested in sincerity or normal human interaction than others Iíve been on - Iíve mebtioned my wife being pregnant and/or our son on several occasions and barely gotten a response. On the other hand, as others have noted, it IS a forum about roads...

I recommend sticking around.

Real life doesn't seem to get discussed much here unless it is on the road AND I imagine most posters stick to particular boards that most reflect their interests. I'm interested in road history and haven't designed highways since I was younger, so the fictional highways board, to name one example, doesn't interest me much. And I'm mainly interested in the Northeast when it comes to regional boards.

I've been to a meet once when I was younger and had more free time and most of my interests here involves maps and other topics that are slightly off-topic or funny films from my youth (looks more closely in abe's direction.)

IIRC, your son was due at the beginning of this month, but I saw no mention afterwards. How's everyone doing?
Oh, everyone is well, thanks. He was born in the 8th and is progressing nicely. His name is Henry. Iíd post pics here but have no idea how to do it.

Congratulations, by the way. First child?

abefroman329

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Re: Should I Give Up Here?
« Reply #18 on: July 31, 2018, 10:34:29 AM »

^ You should read boards on baseball sabermetrics.
I donít have to - I have a brother whoís an actuary.
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Max Rockatansky

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Re: Should I Give Up Here?
« Reply #19 on: July 31, 2018, 10:40:34 AM »

Last time I checked this was a take it or leave hobby that essentially you had to pursue at your own volition.  Really if youíre looking for positive feedback or input from others you generally wonít find a ton of it in anything road or transportation related.  If US 80 alignments are your goal then I say pursue the research but donít expect much outside of personal satisfaction from it

jon daly

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Re: Should I Give Up Here?
« Reply #20 on: July 31, 2018, 10:51:22 AM »

Dude, you got some neat stuff. A US-6 sign? A 1936 Gulf Map of Mississippi? Have you ever considered bringing this to a local library and doing a talk?
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abefroman329

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Re: Should I Give Up Here?
« Reply #21 on: July 31, 2018, 11:11:28 AM »

This board is far less interested in sincerity or normal human interaction than others Iíve been on - Iíve mebtioned my wife being pregnant and/or our son on several occasions and barely gotten a response. On the other hand, as others have noted, it IS a forum about roads...

I recommend sticking around.

Real life doesn't seem to get discussed much here unless it is on the road AND I imagine most posters stick to particular boards that most reflect their interests. I'm interested in road history and haven't designed highways since I was younger, so the fictional highways board, to name one example, doesn't interest me much. And I'm mainly interested in the Northeast when it comes to regional boards.

I've been to a meet once when I was younger and had more free time and most of my interests here involves maps and other topics that are slightly off-topic or funny films from my youth (looks more closely in abe's direction.)

IIRC, your son was due at the beginning of this month, but I saw no mention afterwards. How's everyone doing?
Oh, everyone is well, thanks. He was born in the 8th and is progressing nicely. His name is Henry. Iíd post pics here but have no idea how to do it.

Congratulations, by the way. First child?
Thanks! Yes, first child. First grandson on both sides of the family - between my wife and me, we have three nieces but no nephews.
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jon daly

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Re: Should I Give Up Here?
« Reply #22 on: July 31, 2018, 11:26:04 AM »

All hail Prince Henry of Sausage!
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roadman65

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Re: Should I Give Up Here?
« Reply #23 on: July 31, 2018, 12:03:29 PM »

Don't worry about snark.  I had to deal with it especially when I first posted on this forum.  I complained about a toll plaza going up on FL 528, as most of us in this country complain about whether Left of Right, but because I voiced my opinion that it was a waste and even one local radio host had an idea it was bad, one troll here brought up how dumb I was to suggest a thing that another toll (which did not raise the tolls but keep em the same as the new plaza took some of the price from the other existing one) be not placed being that Orange County in FL is sprawling out. He also brought the left verses right thing and made it political because the radio person who said that was a small Rush Limbaugh and of course the user is very to the Left.

Anyway, I got offended but then when he said that the tolls were a political thing with the Left totally for them and the Right against them, I caught on as I worked in an all Black very Democratic workplace at the time who all believed there that it was the other way around with Rich White Republicans putting the tolls up so us poor Black Folks cannot get around the area.     Then later I learned who the user was and what he is outside the forum and luckily I stayed I even got more ribbing for telling a Bud Schuster joke (which is played out here and called a necro post when you  restart old material) from another user who I found out later was disliked by many on a previous forum and was using another name on here to sneak back in undetected.  My rant at first was why my joke was uspsetting to him, but when NE2 told that same joke the very same day, he did not get upset at his rendition.  However, I learned later it was all me and I took things way  too personal.

Do not let the fact that no compliments is a bad thing.  No, I have road pics that get more looked at by non forum users than forum users, and even one moderator on here (who has great pics) has very few hits on his flickr page.  Many of us are appreciative but I guess good does not upset many of us on here as the bad.  When bad happens we react as many of us have Autism or Aspergers (and one user has an unknown mental illness here who happens to be good friends with an MOD to get a free pass to say what many of us would get a warning from) are easily directed to by our poor reaction to cues and such.

Just relax and have fun and do not let it get to you.  We are all argumentative but deep down we are all a great group.
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Re: Should I Give Up Here?
« Reply #24 on: July 31, 2018, 12:31:52 PM »

This board is far less interested in sincerity or normal human interaction than others Iíve been on - Iíve mebtioned my wife being pregnant and/or our son on several occasions and barely gotten a response. On the other hand, as others have noted, it IS a forum about roads...

I recommend sticking around.

Real life doesn't seem to get discussed much here unless it is on the road AND I imagine most posters stick to particular boards that most reflect their interests. I'm interested in road history and haven't designed highways since I was younger, so the fictional highways board, to name one example, doesn't interest me much. And I'm mainly interested in the Northeast when it comes to regional boards.

I've been to a meet once when I was younger and had more free time and most of my interests here involves maps and other topics that are slightly off-topic or funny films from my youth (looks more closely in abe's direction.)

IIRC, your son was due at the beginning of this month, but I saw no mention afterwards. How's everyone doing?
Oh, everyone is well, thanks. He was born in the 8th and is progressing nicely. His name is Henry. Iíd post pics here but have no idea how to do it.

Congratulations, by the way. First child?
Thanks! Yes, first child. First grandson on both sides of the family - between my wife and me, we have three nieces but no nephews.


Congratulations on your son!  :thumbsup:


about 90% of the community here also has either that or Aspergers.
Citation needed.
I'm pretty sure that was exaggeration for dramatic effect, but I wouldn't be surprised if the incidence rate among members here far exceeds the incidence rate in the general population.

I know he was exaggerating, but I also recall the subject being discussed before.
After all, it is much easier to type "citation needed" and let others do the work of finding, and linking, the aforementioned discussion, than to do it myself.  :-P

The discussion was primarily within this thread, which was about autism, psychological disorders (mental illnesses - a separate class than that that contains autism, which is neurodevelopmental disorders), and more: https://www.aaroads.com/forum/index.php?topic=14571.0
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