What do you think of "Managementspeak"?

[wanderer2575]

I suppose it's not really Managementspeak, but I'm about ready to strangle the next person who wants to ask a "quick question."  It's never quick, and just ask the damn question!

[jeffandnicole]

I suppose it's not really Managementspeak, but I'm about ready to strangle the next person who wants to ask a "quick question."  It's never quick, and just ask the damn question!

Or even the "I have a question".  Or even better..."Question". Just ask it!!!

[vdeane]

"Silly question" is the one I hear a lot, but that's probably a quirk of one of the managers here.

[GaryV]

"Can I ask a question?"

"You just did."

---------------

And, "to make a long story short" - usually it's too late.

[SSOWorld]

Not quite "Managementspeak" but "retailspeak" or "lazyspeak" fits:

"Are you finding everything okay?"

- No, there's a busted shelf in aisle 6

Kwik-Trip and Kwik-Star (Iowa name for the same)

"Any gas out there?" (weak method of complying with the policy of verifying that the customer paid for gas purchased if any)

- Well, they're your tanks, why didn't you check them yourself?

[US 81]

Along these lines, I have come to loathe and despise 'scripting.'

"It's a great day here at _____; how may I help you?

"We deliver high-quality service here at ____"

"We'd like to earn your five-star rating here at _____"

I hate wading thru the telephone tree to find a live human being, only to find that he/she still can't give me an answer or actually help because 'this call is being monitored' ....

[formulanone]

I suppose it's not really Managementspeak, but I'm about ready to strangle the next person who wants to ask a "quick question."  It's never quick, and just ask the damn question!

I also hear that phrase when someone butts into a conversation..."I just have a quick question."

In my line of work, I hear the phrase "Can I get a quick oil change?" quite a lot. Just for once, I'd like to hear: "Can I get a slow oil change?"

"You know...where they wait around an hour before putting the vehicle on the rack? Hang out in the parts department and talk about everything else but my vehicle? Leisurely drain all the oil and watch a couple of YouTube videos long after that's happened? Check out several things on the vehicle, while you're at it? And then I'll postpone calling you back a few hours with your recommendations, and then I tell you 'I just need my car back now!' And make too much chit-chat with the cashier when I go pay for it?"

[empirestate]

In the vein of both retail-speak and scripting, NYC drugstores (apparently headed by Duane Reade) have lately replaced "Next?" with "Following guest?" Some social media wags have quipped that it's inappropriate to say "Following guest:" without then naming the following guest, whom you intend to call forward. :-)


iPhone

[slorydn1]

A subset or relative of "managementspeak" that I've observed might be termed "law enforcement-speak". I've noticed whenever you hear a press conference given by a spokesman for a law enforcement agency, specific verbiage is very commonly heard, with wording such as "at that point in time", "ascertained", and "the individual" being frequently used.

Is there specific phraseology that's taught as part of standard police training that would be ingrained in the speech of officials giving information to the general public?

Short answer=yes.


The phraseology is really meant for the reports that get written on an crime/incident. It ends up infiltrating the way we speak over time. By the time one is far enough up the food chain to be viewed on TV giving information to the public about an incident, they have been writing/speaking that language for at least a decade, probably more, so it's the only way they know how to communicate.


They also have to be very careful about their choice of words. It's a big leap, legally, to graduate a person from an "individual" to "a person of interest" or even worse yet- "a suspect", for example. To call Joe Blow a suspect too early in the process could seriously hinder an investigation.

[SSOWorld]

In the vein of both retail-speak and scripting, NYC drugstores (apparently headed by Duane Reade) have lately replaced "Next?" with "Following guest?" Some social media wags have quipped that it's inappropriate to say "Following guest:" without then naming the following guest, whom you intend to call forward. :-)


iPhone

In the medical world, everyone calls them 'barkeep'
* The doctor will be in momentarily
* a pharmacy technician handles the transaction, drops the prescription and says "and the pharmacist will hand this to you".  (This is script at Walgreens)
I know culture - but the do have names

[tckma]

DOT's (well a handful of them) will add "operations" to any activity.

* Mowing operations
* Flagging operations
* Painting operations
* Paving operations

You get the point operations (now that just sounded like bad operations)

To quote the late George Carlin, " 'Police responded to an emergency situation.'  No they didn't.  They responded to an emergency.  We KNOW it's a situation.  EVERYTHING is a situation."

I suppose it's not really Managementspeak, but I'm about ready to strangle the next person who wants to ask a "quick question."  It's never quick, and just ask the damn question!

Or even the "I have a question".  Or even better..."Question". Just ask it!!!

My typical response to "Can I ask you a question?" is "You just did."
(Less often, "Do you know where the bathroom is?" and "Do you know what time it is?" get a response of "Yes" or "Yes, I do" from me.

Along these lines, I have come to loathe and despise 'scripting.'

"It's a great day here at _____; how may I help you?

"We deliver high-quality service here at ____"

"We'd like to earn your five-star rating here at _____"

I hate wading thru the telephone tree to find a live human being, only to find that he/she still can't give me an answer or actually help because 'this call is being monitored' ....

If I don't recognize the caller ID, I answer my work phone with: "[company name], this is Tom..."  (Actually, most of the time my work phone rings, and I don't recognize the caller ID, I don't answer, because it's likely someone trying to sell me investments.

I hate hate HATE phone scripting.  I interned at the auto loans/leases department of Chase Bank one summer when I was in college, as an *INTERNAL* IT/tech support person.  They (n.b.: NOT my boss, thankfully) tried to tell me I had to answer the phone with "Welcome to Chase, where the right relationship is everything, how can I help you?"  Um, no.  EVERYONE who calls me at this number IS ALSO AN EMPLOYEE IN THIS BUILDING.  So why the script if I don't even interact with bank customers?  We in the tech support department only answered the phone like that to mock the script, e.g. "relationships mean nothing to me," or "Welcome to Sal's Pizza, where today's special has everything, will this be pickup or delivery?"

[texaskdog]

I suppose it's not really Managementspeak, but I'm about ready to strangle the next person who wants to ask a "quick question."  It's never quick, and just ask the damn question!

Again, falls in there with "real quick".  If something is so quick, don't add two extra words.  Or "to make a long story short..."

[texaskdog]

In the vein of both retail-speak and scripting, NYC drugstores (apparently headed by Duane Reade) have lately replaced "Next?" with "Following guest?" Some social media wags have quipped that it's inappropriate to say "Following guest:" without then naming the following guest, whom you intend to call forward. :-)


iPhone

I HATE being called a guest. There is nothing wrong with being a customer.  If you're staying overnight in a hotel you're a guest. 

[SSOWorld]

I suppose it's not really Managementspeak, but I'm about ready to strangle the next person who wants to ask a "quick question."  It's never quick, and just ask the damn question!

Again, falls in there with "real quick".  If something is so quick, don't add two extra words.  Or "to make a long story short..."

Too late

Thank you for banking with us!!!.  What?  Is this inclusion-speak???

Ending sentences with "today."

"Your total is 10.25 today."

What was is yesterday?

[Scott5114]

Along these lines, I have come to loathe and despise 'scripting.'

"It's a great day here at _____; how may I help you?

"We deliver high-quality service here at ____"

"We'd like to earn your five-star rating here at _____"

I hate wading thru the telephone tree to find a live human being, only to find that he/she still can't give me an answer or actually help because 'this call is being monitored' ....

If I don't recognize the caller ID, I answer my work phone with: "[company name], this is Tom..."  (Actually, most of the time my work phone rings, and I don't recognize the caller ID, I don't answer, because it's likely someone trying to sell me investments.

I hate hate HATE phone scripting.  I interned at the auto loans/leases department of Chase Bank one summer when I was in college, as an *INTERNAL* IT/tech support person.  They (n.b.: NOT my boss, thankfully) tried to tell me I had to answer the phone with "Welcome to Chase, where the right relationship is everything, how can I help you?"  Um, no.  EVERYONE who calls me at this number IS ALSO AN EMPLOYEE IN THIS BUILDING.  So why the script if I don't even interact with bank customers?  We in the tech support department only answered the phone like that to mock the script, e.g. "relationships mean nothing to me," or "Welcome to Sal's Pizza, where today's special has everything, will this be pickup or delivery?"

The worst ones are the ones that go on for several sentences and cause you to almost forget what you were calling for. I was waiting on a tire replacement at Hibdon Tire and heard the people behind the counter answer the phone several times with "It's a great day at Hibdon Tires Plus, home of the guaranteed lowest prices in the state, this is Rudolph, how may I help you?" That'd probably throw me off track if I was calling for just a short, simple question.

At my work we can see whether or not a call is an external customer (usually shows a full nine-digit phone number or "Transfer from Reception") or a coworker (shows five-digit extension number and location of the phone within the facility, such as "Main Cage"). Although we are supposed to answer with the location we're at and our name, with coworkers, we're likely to get more inventive or try to trip people up by pretending to be each other. I managed to trick a somewhat new coworker into thinking I was Barbara from the cash office (and had to call her back to explain that no, I wasn't Barbara, and she had actually called the right number).

[hbelkins]

If you're staying overnight in a hotel you're a guest.

No. You're still a customer. You're not a guest at a hotel or restaurant unless you don't have to pay for your room or your meal.

[Max Rockatansky]

If you're staying overnight in a hotel you're a guest.

No. You're still a customer. You're not a guest at a hotel or restaurant unless you don't have to pay for your room or your meal.

Don't go into a Target store and tell them you are not a guest....they don't have employees either...they have "team members."     They don't have managers either...they have "Team Leaders." 

[texaskdog]

If you're staying overnight in a hotel you're a guest.

No. You're still a customer. You're not a guest at a hotel or restaurant unless you don't have to pay for your room or your meal.

Don't go into a Target store and tell them you are not a guest....they don't have employees either...they have "team members."     They don't have managers either...they have "Team Leaders." 

I absolutely hate Target anyway.  that touchy feely guest BS is only one of many things.  I will not work somewhere where I have to call a customer a guest.

[texaskdog]

If you're staying overnight in a hotel you're a guest.

No. You're still a customer. You're not a guest at a hotel or restaurant unless you don't have to pay for your room or your meal.

you got me there.

[74/171FAN]

If you're staying overnight in a hotel you're a guest.

No. You're still a customer. You're not a guest at a hotel or restaurant unless you don't have to pay for your room or your meal.

Don't go into a Target store and tell them you are not a guest....they don't have employees either...they have "team members."     They don't have managers either...they have "Team Leaders." 

I thought the main reasoning for this had to do with Wal-Mart calling their employees "associates".  (I only know about Target due to having worked at one for a couple months.)

[Max Rockatansky]

If you're staying overnight in a hotel you're a guest.

No. You're still a customer. You're not a guest at a hotel or restaurant unless you don't have to pay for your room or your meal.

Don't go into a Target store and tell them you are not a guest....they don't have employees either...they have "team members."     They don't have managers either...they have "Team Leaders." 

I absolutely hate Target anyway.  that touchy feely guest BS is only one of many things.  I will not work somewhere where I have to call a customer a guest.

If you're staying overnight in a hotel you're a guest.

No. You're still a customer. You're not a guest at a hotel or restaurant unless you don't have to pay for your room or your meal.

Don't go into a Target store and tell them you are not a guest....they don't have employees either...they have "team members."     They don't have managers either...they have "Team Leaders." 

I thought the main reasoning for this had to do with Wal-Mart calling their employees "associates".  (I only know about Target due to having worked at one for a couple months.)

I worked there briefly while in college right after getting out of the military.  Basically I said something to that affect during orientation and got very quickly corrected with some BS speech on the difference between a "guest" and a "customer."  Even back then I was rolling my eyes and that was almost twenty years ago.  Needless to say that I didn't last there very long since I was apply for police jobs .  They also had employee "levels" to determine ranks.  Rank and file people were level 1, leads were level 2, department supervisors were level 3, and team leaders (cough...managers) were level 4 if I remember right. 

The really weird one that will throw you off is that they don't play music in their stores.  Almost nobody notices it until I point it out to them, there was some weird theory that tied back to that "guest" thing if I remember right.  There was also something called "Target Brand" which meant everything did....even paper worked could not be altered since it was "Brand."  They had some weird HR videos too, it almost reminded me of cultism.  ALSO they had cashiering speed charts that you had to meet "standard" on...like people out of high school give a shit about that kind of thing. 

[74/171FAN]

The really weird one that will throw you off is that they don't play music in their stores.  Almost nobody notices it until I point it out to them, there was some weird theory that tied back to that "guest" thing if I remember right.

Well I had recently been hearing music in there.  (via them showing the music video for "Me Too" by Meghan Trainor on the TVs in the electronics section, easily one of the worst hit songs of this year)

[Max Rockatansky]

The really weird one that will throw you off is that they don't play music in their stores.  Almost nobody notices it until I point it out to them, there was some weird theory that tied back to that "guest" thing if I remember right.

Well I had recently been hearing music in there.  (via them showing the music video for "Me Too" by Meghan Trainor on the TVs in the electronics section, easily one of the worst hit songs of this year)

Honestly this was the best thing ever to come from a Target store:



And that was in 1991 when they were nothing but a little shit in the retail industry...Sears and Kmart were still viable back then. 

There was a handicapped kid that used to play music on the jukebox in the Electronics department.  For whatever reason he would do the chicken dance to everything.  Nobody wanted to ask him to leave until he started creeping on one of the girls at Customer Service and freaked her out.  I want to say he was like 16 or something...damn shame the parents were shitty enough to not keep an eye on him...he REALLY needed the help.

[1995hoo]

The talk about "guests" and "team members" and the like makes me think of the pretentious terminology used in some coffee shops (notably Starbucks) where they don't like it if you say "small," "medium," or "large." I don't frequent any coffee shops and I've never bothered to learn their little lingo, so when I ask for a large coffee and they reply with something like, "You mean [whatever their term is]?," I usually respond, "Whatever the largest size is."

[kkt]

The talk about "guests" and "team members" and the like makes me think of the pretentious terminology used in some coffee shops (notably Starbucks) where they don't like it if you say "small," "medium," or "large." I don't frequent any coffee shops and I've never bothered to learn their little lingo, so when I ask for a large coffee and they reply with something like, "You mean [whatever their term is]?," I usually respond, "Whatever the largest size is."

If you do that without being careful, they'll bring out a bathtub full.