Mental Health Struggles

[JMoses24]

Are there any fellow road geeks who struggle with depression, anxiety or PTSD?

I definitely have been diagnosed with the first two but not the third necessarily. Last week I completed a 2 week hospital stay after attempting...let's call it self-deletion, so as to not run afoul any censors. My meds have been increased and I feel a bit better than I once did.

[Max Rockatansky]

Back in the 2nd Grade I was actually clinically diagnosed with a depression.  In retrospect I find that diagnosis odd.  I don't recall ever really feeling "hopeless" or feeling things like life wasn't worth living. 

For context, my mom was really big on taking me and my sister to a psychologist back in the early 1990s.  In the 2nd grade I had lots of reasons to be unhappy with my situation in life.  My family had just moved from Michigan to Connecticut and I had a hard time making friends.  This was also the era when I was still having issues with severe asthma.  That also didn't help me make friends or partake in the activities that I wanted to be part of.  On top of everything else I wasn't doing so great with grades in school.  I certainly felt "frustrated" and "angry" more than I would have liked.

I would unwisely vent about what was bothering me whenever my mom sent me to a session with the psychologist.  I learned my lesson after about a year of having to take some mood altering medication.  I ended up telling my mom that the psychotropic meds were actually what was making me feel awful and I thought the psychologist was a waste of time.  It took a while but my mom actually eventually started listening to what I was telling her.  I stopped the meds in the early 3rd grade and the psychologist was eventually dropped. 

Things eventually leveled off.  I started making friends the neighborhood kids in Connecticut.  A lot the issues I had with things like asthma leveled off as I got into sports.  I even started to get better grades, or at least those which were acceptable to my parents. 

In my adult life I've never experienced what I would consider to be a mental health crisis.  My wife actually works in the behavioral health field as a client advocate.  I hear lots of stories from her about behavioral health issues.  None of what she tells me resembles anything that I can draw a parallel from in my own life. 

Looking back I think my mom was a bit of a hypochondriac.  I really don't have much of another explanation for what was going on in the 2nd grade.

[bandit957]

I've had PTSD since 1990, due to abuse by schools.

[ZLoth]

Yes, I suffer from mental health issues. Fortunately, I did "man up"... and sought help. This is also why I don't drink alcohol, smoke, or deal with "recreational medication". I am afraid of the dark end said choices would take me.

[Scott5114]

.let's call it self-deletion, so as to not run afoul any censors.

Let it be known that we do not censor such things, and so long as I'm around, we never will.

[Max Rockatansky]

Regarding alcoholism, my grandpa on my dad's side had serious issues with it apparently his entire life.  My dad as a result was a pretty infamous teetotaler.  I only ever saw my dad drink half of a beer at a wedding.  He used to get my case along with my brother about "alcoholism running in the family." 

My aunt (on my dad's side) also started drinking way too much after her divorce and eventually died from alcohol poisoning at home in New Jersey.  Nobody knew she had died for several weeks and my cousin found her corpse.  The clean up was one of the most horrific things I've seen in my life. 

I've done plenty of drinking in my life.  I'm apparently not the type who tends towards addiction as it has been never been something I've "needed" like my grandpa or my aunt did. 

My mom smoked like a chimney for 42 years until she was diagnosed with lung cancer.  She went into remission twice but the cancer eventually metastasized into her bones.  I've personally under the appeal with smoking tobacco (or anything else) and it always struck me as being gross.

[Rothman]

Hm.  I'm a teetotaler, but not an infamous one.  Makes me think of Carrie Nation.

I've got to step up my teetotaling game to achieve infamy.

[Max Rockatansky]

Hm.  I'm a teetotaler, but not an infamous one.  Makes me think of Carrie Nation.

I've got to step up my teetotaling game to achieve infamy.

Start by calling family members randomly and telling them they are exhibiting behavior consistent with alcoholism.  My dad used to that with me and brother at least half a dozen times a year. 

Amusingly to my knowledge he always left my sister alone about alcohol.  She is by far the biggest drinker between me and my two siblings.

[kphoger]

The most is when I see certain tragic events that happen and everyone sad about them. I'm never happy to see somebody get hurt, but I don't feel like I'm as sad as I should be like other people are. Anyone else feel like that? I know I love people because I love my grandmother and my little brother.

As far as I know, I'm in perfectly good mental health.  But I don't get very emotionally affected by death and tragedy either.  I've been fortunate to not have lost someone very dear to me yet, so it may be different whenever that does happen, but tragedy striking casual acquaintances and complete strangers just doesn't shake me the way it appears to shake some other people.

So I guess I'm saying that's not necessarily weird.

[bandit957]

As far as I know, I'm in perfectly good mental health.  But I don't get very emotionally affected by death and tragedy either.  I've been fortunate to not have lost someone very dear to me yet, so it may be different whenever that does happen, but tragedy striking casual acquaintances and complete strangers just doesn't shake me the way it appears to shake some other people.

Maybe it's because there's so much of it these days that it seems normal. In the late 1970s, if there was a big murder case, it was considered a big deal. Now it's just considered an everyday thing.

[kphoger]

Maybe it's because there's so much of it these days that it seems normal. In the late 1970s, if there was a big murder case, it was considered a big deal. Now it's just considered an everyday thing.

But I remember being this way growing up too, back in the 1990s.

I was in 8th grade for the Oklahoma City bombing by Timothy McVeigh.  My teacher was from Oklahoma, and we each had to write a paper about it.  I wasn't shaken up by it at all.  In fact—and I'm sure this won't surprise anybody on the forum—I even got in trouble for making light of the situation in my paper.

I was a senior in high school when the Columbine massacre happened in a high school less than 250 miles away, well before anybody was talking about "mass shootings".  To me, that was when things like that started being more common.  But it didn't emotionally affect me at all.

Or even 9/11 a couple of years later.  It shifted my perspective on Muslims, I guess—for better or worse—but the tragedy itself didn't trigger much of an emotional response inside of me.

And I'm not even a sociopath...

[Max Rockatansky]

9/11 shook me up a little bit, but it had a personal slant.  One of my old neighbors was inside the South Tower when the first plane hit.  He barely got out before the second plane strike.  My dad and I spent a good portion of the day trying to get a hold of him on the phone.  He didn't make back home in the Bronx for about twelve hours. 

It is hard for me to get emotionally invested in world events though that I have no part in.  It doesn't mean that I don't think that they are awful, it just doesn't weigh on me.  Having constant access to all the bad things going in the world the news doesn't seem to me like a healthy way to spend your time.

[kphoger]

It is hard for me to get emotionally invested in world events though that I have no part in.  It doesn't mean that I don't think that they are awful, it just doesn't weigh on me.

This rewords what I'm saying pretty well.

[wxfree]

Maybe it's because there's so much of it these days that it seems normal. In the late 1970s, if there was a big murder case, it was considered a big deal. Now it's just considered an everyday thing.

But I remember being this way growing up too, back in the 1990s.

I was in 8th grade for the Oklahoma City bombing by Timothy McVeigh.  My teacher was from Oklahoma, and we each had to write a paper about it.  I wasn't shaken up by it at all.  In fact—and I'm sure this won't surprise anybody on the forum—I even got in trouble for making light of the situation in my paper.

I was a senior in high school when the Columbine massacre happened in a high school less than 250 miles away, well before anybody was talking about "mass shootings".  To me, that was when things like that started being more common.  But it didn't emotionally affect me at all.

Or even 9/11 a couple of years later.  It shifted my perspective on Muslims, I guess—for better or worse—but the tragedy itself didn't trigger much of an emotional response inside of me.

And I'm not even a sociopath...

There has to be some degree of separation between events and emotions.  If you constantly mourn every bad thing that happens, you would have no time left over to live life.  I think part of this is related to news.  In the old days, newspaper published horrible crime scene photos.  That sold copies and shocked people, and they had to adapt.  Later, television reports brought the sound of emotion-laden voices reporting on horrible events, and even statements from the bereaved.  Again, it drove ratings and shocked people, and they had to adapt.  These days, every tragedy becomes part of the discourse, and there's too much of it.  You have to detach even more.  Tragedies are statistics rather than events, because we don't have the bandwidth to process all of it.  The world has never been a safe place, but for most of history you never knew about bad things happening beyond the next village over.  Things like mass shootings and terrorist attacks are different, because they aren't just personal tragedies affecting the victims, they're violations of our expectation for a society that prioritizes and delivers a basic level of safety in everyday events.  I don't think the reactions to such events are especially heavy with empathy, but fear, as such events are reminders that you aren't safe, either.  It's a reminder that every day something like that doesn't happen to you is not the defaults state of the world or a product of preparation and vigilance, but is just luck.

I don't believe that is a realistic perception.  I do believe that the default state of the world (my part of the world), for now, is broad societal safety.  However, default is not the same as universal, and broad is not the same as all-encompassing.  My point is that the reactions really aren't empathy, but fear, disguised as concern for societal well-being.  I'd say it's about the best we can do while being bombarded with a non-stop stream of information about tragedies.  The human brain was not designed to handle information coming in this way.

[JayhawkCO]

The most is when I see certain tragic events that happen and everyone sad about them. I'm never happy to see somebody get hurt, but I don't feel like I'm as sad as I should be like other people are. Anyone else feel like that? I know I love people because I love my grandmother and my little brother.

As far as I know, I'm in perfectly good mental health.  But I don't get very emotionally affected by death and tragedy either.  I've been fortunate to not have lost someone very dear to me yet, so it may be different whenever that does happen, but tragedy striking casual acquaintances and complete strangers just doesn't shake me the way it appears to shake some other people.

So I guess I'm saying that's not necessarily weird.

I'm a very pragmatic person in general, and typically am in the same mood all the time. I, too, don't get affected by a lot of things. I did just recently lose my dad (all the trips down to Florida lately were due to his health). I definitely reacted less emotionally than my mom and my sister and I think they slightly judged me because of it. I can't help how I feel/don't feel. I certainly cried several times, but I'm able to compartmentalize things better than most. I do see a therapist once a month just because I think sometimes it's just nice to get things off your chest to someone who is impartial. I don't know that I get a LOT out of it, but it's almost a proactive kind of thing.

For all here who are having issues, I'm sorry to hear it and don't ever let something be a permanent solution to what is likely a temporary problem.

[Max Rockatansky]

Safety as most people perceive it is mostly illusionary.  A lot of what people push in safety messaging is mostly aspirational at best and detached from reality at worst. 

One of my greatest frustrations at work is that I feel as though I'm often the only one who understands is that Safety Management is a mitigative process.  Bad things will inevitably happen and not every single negative outcome can possibly be prevented. 

[TheHighwayMan3561]

Mental health for me has been a daily battle with depression and anxiety for over 20 years, though I haven't been actively suicidal since my early college years.

I struggle a lot with rejection dysphoria where the most minor slight can fuck me up for a few days where I waffle between wanting to get back at being "wronged" and fading into feeling my own perceived uselessness. This week has been one such time.

I spend a lot of time blaming various people in my upbringing for at minimum setting the foundation for my struggles if not building a large part of them. It's not healthy but I feel it's also not right to just ignore what they did to me either, and I don't know if I'll ever be at peace even decades after the fact.

[kphoger]

Bad things will inevitably happen and not every single negative outcome can possibly be prevented.

As this relates to roads...

—  Even one traffic death is too many.
—  Actually, just one traffic death would be a huge success.

[bandit957]

My fight-or-flight response has been stuck open for 40 years. It doesn't have an on-and-off switch.

[Max Rockatansky]

Bad things will inevitably happen and not every single negative outcome can possibly be prevented.

As this relates to roads...

—  Even one traffic death is too many.
—  Actually, just one traffic death would be a huge success.

It is vexing to me that Vision Zero caught on in so many transportation departments.

[CoreySamson]

It is hard for me to get emotionally invested in world events though that I have no part in.  It doesn't mean that I don't think that they are awful, it just doesn't weigh on me.

This rewords what I'm saying pretty well.

I think humans are biologically wired to be emotionally invested and derive meaning in events (whether good or bad) that occur within their sphere of influence (whether that is friends, family, home city, etc.) as opposed to those that are outside. For example, if a young boy has a birthday on the other side of the nation, it makes a huge difference to you whether he's your nephew or some random person from a family you have never met. Conversely, it would have much more meaning to you if your nephew across the nation had cancer rather than a random kid across the nation.

I've noticed that when people start displacing that emotional investment and attention from the people and events that are close to them, and put them onto people and events that are completely outside them and their frame of influence, that's when mental health issues tend to arise. Your sphere of influence has remained the same, but the problems of people you may not have even met have been dumped into it. Suddenly, you're not just mentally and emotionally responsible for what's on your own plate... you're responsible for other people's issues that you can't directly solve! Social media has made this issue even worse IMO because everyone is bombarded with stories that are trying to steal their attention from what is inside your frame of influence. That's not to say that having empathy for other people outside your sphere is bad; but it does say that we need to prioritize helping and empathizing with our own sphere first before we are able to effectively help others.

[Rothman]

Bad things will inevitably happen and not every single negative outcome can possibly be prevented.

As this relates to roads...

—  Even one traffic death is too many.
—  Actually, just one traffic death would be a huge success.

It is vexing to me that Vision Zero caught on in so many transportation departments.

Some put a pragmatic twist on the concept...

(personal opinion emphasized)

[Max Rockatansky]

Bad things will inevitably happen and not every single negative outcome can possibly be prevented.

As this relates to roads...

—  Even one traffic death is too many.
—  Actually, just one traffic death would be a huge success.

It is vexing to me that Vision Zero caught on in so many transportation departments.

Some put a pragmatic twist on the concept...

(personal opinion emphasized)

On Vision Zero or pedestrian fatalities?

[SEWIGuy]

As far as I know, I'm in perfectly good mental health.  But I don't get very emotionally affected by death and tragedy either.  I've been fortunate to not have lost someone very dear to me yet, so it may be different whenever that does happen, but tragedy striking casual acquaintances and complete strangers just doesn't shake me the way it appears to shake some other people.

Maybe it's because there's so much of it these days that it seems normal. In the late 1970s, if there was a big murder case, it was considered a big deal. Now it's just considered an everyday thing.

The murder rate is WAY down since then. It's just because media is all over the place now.

[Max Rockatansky]

As far as I know, I'm in perfectly good mental health.  But I don't get very emotionally affected by death and tragedy either.  I've been fortunate to not have lost someone very dear to me yet, so it may be different whenever that does happen, but tragedy striking casual acquaintances and complete strangers just doesn't shake me the way it appears to shake some other people.

Maybe it's because there's so much of it these days that it seems normal. In the late 1970s, if there was a big murder case, it was considered a big deal. Now it's just considered an everyday thing.

The murder rate is WAY down since then. It's just because media is all over the place now.

Analysis of the Uniform Crime Report and Group A offense trending doesn't make for engaging headlines.