Asking a girl on a date question (I'm 20)

[LM117]

OK, OP, time for an update!

^YEAH....WHAT HE SAID!!^

[1995hoo]

Yep, time to take Nike's advice and just do it!

Maybe this is why there's no update. You can't easily post when you're asleep. 

[hbelkins]

If I read right, it's not the girl the OP's interested in who has a boyfriend. It was the girl Takumi was interested in.

[Ian]

Yep, time to take Nike's advice and just do it!

Maybe this is why there's no update. You can't easily post when you're asleep. 

[Rothman]

If I read right, it's not the girl the OP's interested in who has a boyfriend. It was the girl Takumi was interested in.

I still think Takumi should beat up the boyfriend.

[slorydn1]

Yep, time to take Nike's advice and just do it!

Maybe this is why there's no update. You can't easily post when you're asleep. 

Must have been one hell of a weekend then!

[US 41]

I asked via a FB message, but she said she's back with her ex. Oh well. I do feel a lot better now that I did ask.

[Rothman]

I asked via a FB message, but she said she's back with her ex. Oh well. I do feel a lot better now that I did ask.

Attaboy.

[US 41]

I asked via a FB message, but she said she's back with her ex. Oh well. I do feel a lot better now that I did ask.

Attaboy.

I do realize now that I was making a really big deal out of something that shouldn't have been a big deal. My only regret is that I should have asked her out right when she said she was single back in late November. Oh well. She's not the only girl in the world.

Does it hurt that she's with someone else: Yes.
Will I care in a couple of days: I seriously doubt it.

[cl94]

I asked via a FB message, but she said she's back with her ex. Oh well. I do feel a lot better now that I did ask.

Attaboy.

I do realize now that I was making a really big deal out of something that shouldn't have been a big deal. My only regret is that I should have asked her out right when she said she was single back in late November. Oh well. She's not the only girl in the world.

Does it hurt that she's with someone else: Yes.
Will I care in a couple of days: I seriously doubt it.

Now you know. It'll be easier in the future.

[kkt]

 

And now you have asked a girl out.  Next time will be easier.

[hbelkins]

Be sure to find a way to stay informed about her relationship with her not-an-ex-anymore. If they split up, ask her out again.

[NE2]

Look for the lover you deserve, not the one you want, and you'll realize they're what you wanted all along.

[US 41]

Be sure to find a way to stay informed about her relationship with her not-an-ex-anymore. If they split up, ask her out again.

Yeah, I'll pass on that. Her friend told me they've been together one month and not the next since high school. I guess he treats her horribly, but I guess that's what some girls want. Idk. I just wanted to be the one that treated her right, because I do care about her, but I can't save everyone I guess. Unless she comes after me, I'm not asking her again. Like if in a few days or in a week or so she says hey I was thinking about it and I'd rather be with you than him I would happily take her. But I'm not going to wait around on her either. And even if I do find out she's single again, I'm still not asking her. It will have to be her that asks next time. If she's that in love with the guy, I'm not even going to hold my breath that I'll ever have a chance.

Besides there's a different girl I'm considering asking out anyways. And please note that I said considering, and not that I am going/wanting to. I'll have to think it over first before I decide whether or not I will.

[NE2]

Besides there's a different girl I'm asking out anyways.

I'll be waiting.

[LM117]

Be sure to find a way to stay informed about her relationship with her not-an-ex-anymore. If they split up, ask her out again.

Yeah, I'll pass on that. Her friend told me they've been together one month and not the next since high school. I guess he treats her horribly, but I guess that's what some girls want. Idk. I just wanted to be the one that treated her right, because I do care about her, but I can't save everyone I guess. Unless she comes after me, I'm not asking her again. Like if in a few days or in a week or so she says hey I was thinking about it and I'd rather be with you than him I would happily take her. But I'm not going to wait around on her either. And even if I do find out she's single again, I'm still not asking her. It will have to be her that asks next time. If she's that in love with the guy, I'm not even going to hold my breath that I'll ever have a chance.

Besides there's a different girl I'm considering asking out anyways. And please note that I said considering, and not that I am going/wanting to. I'll have to think it over first before I decide whether or not I will.

Good call. Girls that have a long history of on-again, off-again relationships with the same guy are best avoided, IMO. I learned that the hard way years ago.

[cl94]

Be sure to find a way to stay informed about her relationship with her not-an-ex-anymore. If they split up, ask her out again.

Yeah, I'll pass on that. Her friend told me they've been together one month and not the next since high school. I guess he treats her horribly, but I guess that's what some girls want. Idk. I just wanted to be the one that treated her right, because I do care about her, but I can't save everyone I guess. Unless she comes after me, I'm not asking her again. Like if in a few days or in a week or so she says hey I was thinking about it and I'd rather be with you than him I would happily take her. But I'm not going to wait around on her either. And even if I do find out she's single again, I'm still not asking her. It will have to be her that asks next time. If she's that in love with the guy, I'm not even going to hold my breath that I'll ever have a chance.

Besides there's a different girl I'm considering asking out anyways. And please note that I said considering, and not that I am going/wanting to. I'll have to think it over first before I decide whether or not I will.

Good call. Girls that have a long history of on-again, off-again relationships with the same guy are best avoided, IMO. I learned that the hard way years ago.

YES. Avoid them. While the guy likely has issues, she probably has issues as well if she keeps going back to the same guy.

[NE2]

Girls that have a long history of on-again, off-again relationships with the same guy are best avoided, IMO.

Unless you're that same guy. And you love her that much.

[Takumi]

https://youtu.be/wknzr89DKk8

[Duke87]

I guess he treats her horribly, but I guess that's what some girls want.

I wouldn't say it's a question of wanting such treatment as it is not having the emotional fortitude to stay away from it. Abusive relationships can be somewhat like a smoking habit in that regard, you know it's bad for you but it's very difficult to quit for good because whenever you're feeling down it's highly tempting to start again because you know it will make you feel better in the short term.

It doesn't even necessarily have to involve this sort of on and off thing. I know someone who is dating and lives with a man who, once upon a time, was stalking her. He's abusive and manipulative, but they've been consistently together for some time in spite of it. She's never dated anyone else and he's successfully convinced her that no other man will ever love her. So, she stays with him in spite of the abuse because she doesn't feel she has any real alternative.

[texaskdog]

I ended up asking the girl out, and she said yes, but only as friends because she already has a boyfriend. She could have told me that before...

...epilogue: my German coworker showed me a few pictures of her niece, who's a year younger than me, single, attractive, and visiting the US this summer. I'm over the last one.

It could also mean that things aren't all that great with the current bf, and she's beginning to open up to other options. Don't totally discount just starting as friends. Had I not been so oblivious in college, I would have noticed that a girl, who was taken at the time, ended up being more interested in me than who she was seeing at the time.

Yeah, she's looking for the better offer i.e. bad boy and guess what "YOU'RE THE BAD BOY"....just play it cool!!!!!

[texaskdog]

Look for the lover you deserve, not the one you want, and you'll realize they're what you wanted all along.

The moral of every 80s movie (Some Kind of Wonderful is a good place to start)

[kphoger]

I would happily take her.

Someone needs a cold shower.

[texaskdog]

Be sure to find a way to stay informed about her relationship with her not-an-ex-anymore. If they split up, ask her out again.

Yeah, I'll pass on that. Her friend told me they've been together one month and not the next since high school. I guess he treats her horribly, but I guess that's what some girls want. Idk. I just wanted to be the one that treated her right, because I do care about her, but I can't save everyone I guess. Unless she comes after me, I'm not asking her again. Like if in a few days or in a week or so she says hey I was thinking about it and I'd rather be with you than him I would happily take her. But I'm not going to wait around on her either. And even if I do find out she's single again, I'm still not asking her. It will have to be her that asks next time. If she's that in love with the guy, I'm not even going to hold my breath that I'll ever have a chance.

Besides there's a different girl I'm considering asking out anyways. And please note that I said considering, and not that I am going/wanting to. I'll have to think it over first before I decide whether or not I will.

True, stay away from women like that who are only attracted to those who treat them badly.  They rarely change.

[TXtoNJ]

Besides there's a different girl I'm considering asking out anyways. And please note that I said considering, and not that I am going/wanting to. I'll have to think it over first before I decide whether or not I will.

You've got this backwards - ask her out, go on a date, and then from the date, decide if you want to pursue the relationship. Otherwise, you'll get stuck in analysis paralysis.