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Famous Stand Up Lines

Started by roadman65, March 14, 2019, 11:40:42 PM

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roadman65

March 14, 2019, 11:40:42 PM  
Rodney Dangerfield:  My wife told me to take out the garbage.  I said to her "You cooked it, you take it out!"
Every day is a winding road, you just got to get used to it.

Sheryl Crowe

Takumi

#1
March 15, 2019, 12:54:19 AM  
Quote from: Rothman on July 15, 2021, 07:52:59 AM
Olive Garden must be stopped.  I must stop them.

Don't @ me. Seriously.

abefroman329

#2
March 15, 2019, 06:36:49 AM  
Famous for all the wrong reasons: Fifty years ago we'd have had you hanging upside down from a tree with a pitchfork in your ass!

GaryV

#3
March 15, 2019, 06:59:21 AM  
Henny Youngman:  Take my wife ... please!

abefroman329

#4
March 15, 2019, 09:23:45 AM  
Quote from: Takumi on March 15, 2019, 12:54:19 AM
https://youtu.be/P28ErxjBY4o
I haven't slept for a week...because that would be too long.

Takumi

#5
March 15, 2019, 11:02:16 AM  
Quote from: abefroman329 on March 15, 2019, 09:23:45 AM
Quote from: Takumi on March 15, 2019, 12:54:19 AM
https://youtu.be/P28ErxjBY4o
I haven't slept for a week...because that would be too long.
I tried to walk into Target and missed.
Quote from: Rothman on July 15, 2021, 07:52:59 AM
Olive Garden must be stopped.  I must stop them.

Don't @ me. Seriously.

wxfree

#6
March 15, 2019, 12:25:24 PM  
Quote from: abefroman329 on March 15, 2019, 09:23:45 AM
Quote from: Takumi on March 15, 2019, 12:54:19 AM
https://youtu.be/P28ErxjBY4o
I haven't slept for a week...because that would be too long.

In a similar vein: "24 hour banking, I don't have time for it."

I forgot who said that, but I heard it a long time ago and never forgot it.
I'd like to buy a vowel, Alex.  What is E?

All roads lead away from Rome.

abefroman329

#7
March 15, 2019, 12:55:00 PM  
Oh no, I've got...HAPPY FEET!

wanderer2575

#8
March 15, 2019, 08:08:24 PM  
A member of Group A, a member of Group B, and a member of Group C walk into a bar...

inkyatari

#9
March 18, 2019, 05:14:54 PM  
"Well EXCUUUUSSSEEEE ME!"
I'm never wrong, just wildly inaccurate.

SSOWorld

#10
March 18, 2019, 07:37:38 PM  
Scott O.

Not all who wander are lost...
Ah, the open skies, wind at my back, warm sun on my... wait, where the hell am I?!
As a matter of fact, I do own the road.
Raise your what?

Wisconsin - out-multiplexing your state since 1918.

US71

#11
March 20, 2019, 11:00:07 PM  
"I heard from my cat's lawyer today. My cat wants $12,000 a week for Tender Vittles" --Johnny Carson
Like Alice I Try To Believe Three Impossible Things Before Breakfast
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