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Author Topic: Famous Stand Up Lines  (Read 922 times)

roadman65

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Famous Stand Up Lines
« on: March 14, 2019, 11:40:42 PM »
Rodney Dangerfield:  My wife told me to take out the garbage.  I said to her "You cooked it, you take it out!"
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Sheryl Crowe

Takumi

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Re: Famous Stand Up Lines
« Reply #1 on: March 15, 2019, 12:54:19 AM »
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Quote from: Pete from Boston on February 21, 2016, 01:04:24 PM
Don't pick apart my vision of complete psychotic breakdown, please.  I'm trying to make a point here.

abefroman329

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Re: Famous Stand Up Lines
« Reply #2 on: March 15, 2019, 06:36:49 AM »
Famous for all the wrong reasons: Fifty years ago we’d have had you hanging upside down from a tree with a pitchfork in your ass!
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GaryV

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Re: Famous Stand Up Lines
« Reply #3 on: March 15, 2019, 06:59:21 AM »
Henny Youngman:  Take my wife ... please!
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abefroman329

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Re: Famous Stand Up Lines
« Reply #4 on: March 15, 2019, 09:23:45 AM »
Quote from: Takumi on March 15, 2019, 12:54:19 AM
I haven't slept for a week...because that would be too long.
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Takumi

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Re: Famous Stand Up Lines
« Reply #5 on: March 15, 2019, 11:02:16 AM »
Quote from: abefroman329 on March 15, 2019, 09:23:45 AM
Quote from: Takumi on March 15, 2019, 12:54:19 AM
I haven't slept for a week...because that would be too long.
I tried to walk into Target and missed.
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Quote from: Pete from Boston on February 21, 2016, 01:04:24 PM
Don't pick apart my vision of complete psychotic breakdown, please.  I'm trying to make a point here.

wxfree

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Re: Famous Stand Up Lines
« Reply #6 on: March 15, 2019, 12:25:24 PM »
Quote from: abefroman329 on March 15, 2019, 09:23:45 AM
Quote from: Takumi on March 15, 2019, 12:54:19 AM
I haven't slept for a week...because that would be too long.

In a similar vein: "24 hour banking, I don't have time for it."

I forgot who said that, but I heard it a long time ago and never forgot it.
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abefroman329

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Re: Famous Stand Up Lines
« Reply #7 on: March 15, 2019, 12:55:00 PM »
Oh no, I've got...HAPPY FEET!
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wanderer2575

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Re: Famous Stand Up Lines
« Reply #8 on: March 15, 2019, 08:08:24 PM »
A member of Group A, a member of Group B, and a member of Group C walk into a bar...
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inkyatari

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Re: Famous Stand Up Lines
« Reply #9 on: March 18, 2019, 05:14:54 PM »
"Well EXCUUUUSSSEEEE ME!"
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SSOWorld

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Re: Famous Stand Up Lines
« Reply #10 on: March 18, 2019, 07:37:38 PM »
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Scott O.

Not all who wander are lost...
Ah, the open skies, wind at my back, warm sun on my... wait, where the hell am I?!
As a matter of fact, I do own the road.
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US71

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Re: Famous Stand Up Lines
« Reply #11 on: March 20, 2019, 11:00:07 PM »
"I heard from my cat's lawyer today. My cat wants $12,000 a week for Tender Vittles" --Johnny Carson
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Like Alice I Try To Believe Three Impossible Things Before Breakfast
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