Mental Illness and Road Enthusiusts

[Pete from Boston]

Conditions are codified when they inhibit an individual's ability to interact with the world or their peers.  I have a lot of friends on the mental health world and it's my understanding that the language has been tweaked continually to get the most folks the least marginalized by the words alone.  There are no longer "patients" of mental health services, for example, but rather "consumers."  Even "clients" seems to be passé now.

I do share concern for the way "disorder" is tossed around, because in my experience there are quite a few very different modes of thinking and engaging the world.  I've worked in a variety of areas and seen how varied brains have to be to do very different jobs well. 

A lot of it seems to come down to how far individuals deviate from a certain mean.  Because we're social animals and organize ourselves in group functions, we tend to value compatibility with a system.  Inability to join in satisfactorily is discouraged, and diagnosed.  This is not all bad, but in cases where the "differentness" is mild or harmless, placing it all in the same box can be kind of harsh.

[roadman65]

What is interesting is the fact that many do have social awkwardness around others, yet many of them think that the whole world is the problem and that they are not.  I can relate to that as going through school growing up I was pretty much a loner and did not feel comfortable around other kids.  Many made fun of me for it, and at times, I felt that I was actually ugly or even cursed, and did not know even why others were not either making me part of their circles.  I did not pick up yet that I was different until actually rather recently.  I will not get into that here, but the fact was I did not realize I did not want social interaction with others even though I did always do things to be alone.

Bottom line is now I am aware of it, and it helps me manage the situation.  Had I have been aware of it back in school my life would have been so much easier then.  However, I am here and its what I do with it now and am doing well with it.  I can go on and on about how the teachers could have noticed (and they did actually,) and got me treated, but did not.  Its in the past and at least I found the answers to it now, and like the old saying goes "Better late than never."  However the hell and the pain I experienced will never be forgotten, even as I look forward its still there.  Even though I purposely isolated myself from everybody else, I still endured such pain with the worst part of the discomfort is not knowing why you are different either.

No label on this all could change things, so names like "Challenged" or "Autism" and even "Aspergers" could really help, its identifying what the nature of it is and dealing with it.

[MisterSG1]

I may as well "come out" and admit it folks. I am also an aspie myself......like many I also have social awkwardness and I usually find that not many like me. I don't know what it is, what do I do that gets people to turn their heads away from me. I try to do be friendly and yet in most times I can't seem to maintain it.

[roadman65]

Intellectual Disability I think is the word we are looking for.  I heard it at the Knights of Columbus Meeting where each year we hold a fund drive to raise money for charities that help those will mental illnesses.  The Chairman stated that we are "Raising money to help the intellectual disabled" as his reason for the fund drive at two area Publix Supermarkets.

I actually think that term is best as basically many of us here due not fit into the category of a true illness while "Developmental Disorder" is also too strong of a label as well.

[paulthemapguy]

My larger point in my earlier post was, who cares how it's classified.  We have the faculties necessary to live life to the fullest so let's go do that!  The more I think about how others classify me, the less I get done and the less fun I have.  If someone wants to say that I'm inadequate or retarded, they can go on being a hater and they can go on being wrong.  It's not a disorder or a disability if I can do what I want and do what I need to.  The way we think is special and it really can be helpful for people!  I've got too much fun to have in this life to worry how others label me

[Zeffy]

The one mantra in my life that I have always stuck by is "who cares what others think of you? As long as you like yourself, there's nothing to worry about."

I'm socially awkward, but my only actual disorders as I would classify them are ADHD and asexuality. I am never afraid to admit things that classify me as weird to others. Anyone who has a problem with me, appearance or otherwise, can kindly go fuck themselves.

That was the thinking that got me through grade school, and one that keeps me from conforming into society by retaining both my integrity and individuality.

[noelbotevera]

I have suicidal thoughts and a case of autism. I might have depression. Once I wrote down "put the pencil in your eye" four times while holding a pencil, because that's how bad I felt. But considering my cognitive abilities are superior to that of a 6th grader, people don't know what I'm saying, though it's clear as day for me that I know what they say. Thus, problems in social interaction (which explains why I take insults seriously and thus cry in a corner).

[Pete from Boston]

Don't put the pencil in your eye.  When you have trouble, ask for help.  This is good advice for kids and adults, even though not enough of either take it.

Nobody told me when I was a kid that when people are harsh on others, particularly on kids, it has a lot to do with their own unhappiness.  Once I realized that, I found abusive people easier to tolerate.

[roadman65]

Yes, I know this world sucks!  We have more placed on now then ever!  Things that used to be easy are now hard on us.  Inflation is so bad that you have to work more now to make ends meet.  I made less money in 1990 then I did now and back then I had more leftover in my pocket.  Also micromanaging makes it quite harder now to maintain jobs as managers are no longer managers, but enforcers of the company rules set by the big guy on top.  Thanks to the internet they can watch you work, and there is no need to have the hired help run the subsidiaries and each department and make decisions anymore as the top brass can now do that.

Then there is no hope in Washington at all thanks to our two party system.  Each one is so stubborn now nothing gets done as both sides want things done their way or no way.  So we now have it bad for us with a screwed up nation making things much harder for those with developmental, mental, or intellectual disorders function in our workforce.  We have to pass an aptitude test now just to get a simple restaurant job that was designed by some Harvard type to weed out people with disorders from being hired.   These tests ask you how you friends think of us, how your old employer thought of you, and most of all how you handle situations by asking you two scenarios of both which possess good merits, but you must pick only one of them, just so they know if the candidate is friendly and outgoing verses shy and reserved.  The former, of course, is the correct attribute the employer looks for.  And BTW, the manager does not see the results of the test, as its corporate that does and when they find the suitable candidate, they hand it over to the office or store hiring manager for interview.

Yes the world sucks, but unfortunately we have to persevere no matter how much we suffer.  Consult your friends and keep them in the loop.  Accepting who you are is half the battle.  Once I knew what was happening with me, it made my life a lot less depressing.

[Desert Man]

As someone diagnosed with autism when I was a child, I don't feel autism is a "mental illness", scientific research confirms autism and Asperger's are neurological differences of the human brain. I was tested for ADD, OCD and Tourette's to only find I don't have these other disorders. I struggled with depression and anxiety disorder, and in my 36-year life, I don't view life as fun, easy or with optimistic, but realistic attitudes on the world can be. An interest in something like roads and highways isn't quite part of autism and Asperger's, people develop hobbies and interests, maybe it's stronger for those with autism and/or Asperger's to be able to "memorize" roads and highways by simply looking at maps.

[roadman65]

True on that one as the symptoms of those disorders or aspects is that you focus more on things.  It does not have to be roads, it could be trains, and even airlines or even overzealous with sports.  Its just a mere coincidence you have a bunch of Autistic or Aspergers uniting here on this forum.  As I am sure the railfan forums are also full of them too.

What amazes me is the fact how some with Aspergers love to pick on others with Aspergers as its been known to happen here quite often.  Although recently a user came on here, that we do not know for sure what is his problem is, so we have to assume in the meantime he does not have anything and is just being rude and condescending. As the man will not give up on a proposal he has for a major metropolitan freeway system that he came out with over three months ago.  I ignore him myself so I cannot see his rants but others on here have said he basically attacks anyone who gives his opinion against his idea which seems to not have good merit in the other users minds.  However, the proposer, is hell bent on his idea that all the rest of us here are either morons or the problem of the entire road network.

[vdeane]

My larger point in my earlier post was, who cares how it's classified.  We have the faculties necessary to live life to the fullest so let's go do that!  The more I think about how others classify me, the less I get done and the less fun I have.  If someone wants to say that I'm inadequate or retarded, they can go on being a hater and they can go on being wrong.  It's not a disorder or a disability if I can do what I want and do what I need to.  The way we think is special and it really can be helpful for people!  I've got too much fun to have in this life to worry how others label me

I have AS (also depression/bipolar and anxiety, possible avoidant personality disorder) and I can definitely say that life is harder for me than if I was born neurotypical.  While I have progressed to the point where I can pass for "normal" professionally for normal day to day things, that does not extend to socialization.  For example, currently jobs are found based not on "what you know" but rather "who you know", and I don't have the social skills necessary to "network".  I'm also lonely, as my lifestyle (and need to be alone in my apartment much of the time) is not conductive to forming close friendships, compounded with not having "normal" hobbies that allow me to meet people and there being only a limited number of people that it's not awkward to socialize with (pretty much just some roadgeeks and a couple other people).  People frequently misunderstand what I mean when I say things and I find it hard to interact in groups where my difficulty with social cues causes people to talk over me (as well as the reverse) such that I often just say nothing (what's the point, when the conversations will have changed subjects by the time I get an opening?).

[Takumi]

Based on personal experience, having "normal" hobbies doesn't help.

[roadman65]

What I hate the most is the fact when you try real hard to get a female to just notice you, and they think that you want to marry them or date them.  A lot of times I have found that one out when I will see a girl that I either work with or is in a place I frequent a lot.  She will socialize with everyone else because she likes to talk, but with me she won't so when I do things (or even say things) to get her attention, she assumes that I am either obsessed or infatuated with her, which I am hardly at all.  I just wanted to be talked to considering that one who talks to everybody should include me as well.  Also the fact that blabber mouth or gabbers usually will talk to anyone especially those who do not want them to be talked to at all, however one such person I used to know who is a gabaholic used to expect me to always start a conversation despite all others she would start talking.  That is why I avoid social interaction at all costs because I end up in awkward and embarrassing situations.  I do it here, but that is the extent of it.   At home I do what I need and at work I do my job and keep my conversations simple with my coworkers and that is it.

If I go out to Winghouse, a knock off Hooters near me, I just order my drinks and just talk briefly.  I no longer buy drinks for the ladies when they are off work as I used to just to avoid any misunderstandings as buying ladies drinks from regular customers is a common thing there.  Well for me its not.   I do not want any staff member to ever think that I am "madly in love with them" and I would rather be a quiet person with them questioning in their minds or among themselves what is my story then them to think I am pathetic loser who maybe infatuated with them all.

[KEK Inc.]

Well if you completely ignore women, they'll think you're gay or not interested. 

[Takumi]

With regards to dating, I fortunately figured out early on that I'm more in tune with European women than American women. The unfortunate part of that is that there's an ocean in the way of making it easy.

[noelbotevera]

Well if you completely ignore women, they'll think you're gay or not interested.

No-win situation, now I get to experience it myself in about three years!

My mental illness will really hate this.

[Pete from Boston]

Gotta learn to be happy with yourself if you're going to have others be happy with you. That may be no simple step, but it is also not an optional one.

[authenticroadgeek]

I have autism and it certainly hates pseudo-love. I'm still hung over from my last lust and I've known for half a year now I'll never see her again

[hbelkins]

With regards to dating, I fortunately figured out early on that I'm more in tune with European women than American women.

You like women who don't bathe and don't shave their armpits? 

The unfortunate part of that is that there's an ocean in the way of making it easy.

"anastasiadate.com. Dating with women from Europe."

[NE2]

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

[KEK Inc.]

Eh.  Girls I've been with think my road knowledge is cute and intriguing.   I've been lucky and had girls make the first move on me.


iPhone

[noelbotevera]

The problem with me is that I have too many suicidal thoughts and thus murmur them or might do it in a fairly low voice. Thus, people hate that and I'm also another "out of the ordinary" student. I've been told is that people will understand me once I hit high school, and looks like I'll have to do just that.

[Pete from Boston]

This is what you will learn if you pay attention as you go through life: life itself, particularly in our very complicated society, is challenging for almost everyone, Even those that never admit it.  Almost everyone suffers in some way on the inside.  Far more people than you would imagine never take the time to say anything about it to anyone, much less find the skills to make it work.

You will find people that reject you for what you say is difficult for you. That's something you're going to have to accept because it's a small price to pay for the fact that you will also find people that understand what you're going through, and that also needed to hear that someone else knew what they were going through.  Those people will make your life much better.

I don't know how much of this happens in high school, but as long as you are willing to take the first step of admitting to yourself or others what is hard for you, you're already somewhat ahead of the game.


Also, I know some of the most awkward, homely, fringy, super smart dudes that end up with the most gorgeous, well-adjusted women that appreciate them.  If this doesn't happen where you live, just go to MIT.

[noelbotevera]

This is what you will learn if you pay attention as you go through life: life itself, particularly in our very complicated society, is challenging for almost everyone, Even those that never admit it.  Almost everyone suffers in some way on the inside.  Far more people than you would imagine never take the time to say anything about it to anyone, much less find the skills to make it work.

You will find people that reject you for what you say is difficult for you. That's something you're going to have to accept because it's a small price to pay for the fact that you will also find people that understand what you're going through, and that also needed to hear that someone else knew what they were going through.  Those people will make your life much better.

I don't know how much of this happens in high school, but as long as you are willing to take the first step of admitting to yourself or others what is hard for you, you're already somewhat ahead of the game.


Also, I know some of the most awkward, homely, fringy, super smart dudes that end up with the most gorgeous, well-adjusted women that appreciate them.  If this doesn't happen where you live, just go to MIT.

I've learned that as early as kindergarten, continuously reassured to that. I admit what's wrong with me (my parents said that I probably have a case of autism). My master plan in high school is that I'll just be a magnet. I'll wait for someone to come, and if that never happens, I'm going to MIT. I've learned from people that "Things will be better in high school." Certainly that isn't happening in middle school, but at least the 8th graders have begun to accustom me....I'm ahead of the curve, but I have no idea what's around the next one.