Death

[JMoses24]

I made a large mistake, failing to consider that discussion of ongoing events may be drawn in here.  While problems don't need to remain buried, a public forum is no place to go digging for them.

I appreciate the insight that has been offered.  I am sorry for my poorly thought out decisions and suggest that this discussion be considered for deletion.  I'll be more careful.

I don't think you were wrong to ask for opinions. It's something all of us face at some point or other. In fact, I can relate to the depression issue and to suicide as well. I've been on both sides, both as the person left behind...and as the person considering the act. Twice in my life, I have considered taking myself out of the equation, and in August of 2007 my aunt ended her own life. 

My message to anyone that may have the same battle I'm having with depression (and for that matter ANY issues that may be wreaking havoc with your life)...please don't ever stop trying to get help. The solution is out there.

[vdeane]

Since I was little, I had always wished that I would wake up one day as a girl. I always dreamt of myself as a girl. It occupies my thoughts rather frequently (read: all the fucking time) and I think to myself that this is what I want the most in my life. I don't think I will ever be content with my life as it is right now; my emotional discomfort tears me apart. (I am crying as I type this.)

I HIGHLY recommend getting a reputable gender therapist.  In the interests of keeping the thread on topic I'll say more in a PM.

[Molandfreak]

My outlook is that you can never accomplish everything you want to do in life. Everything involved with learning and planning takes so much time off of our hands that we can never learn or accomplish absolutely everything we would like to or have a passion for. That said, I would be fine with death here and now.

The sheer fact that it's very possible I could just be walking along the street one day, and, BAM! I'm dead, does creep me out very slightly, but it doesn't take away from the fact that I learn from experiences each and every day I live.

If I could live forever, I wouldn't, because I find the greatest things in life are my own curiosities. Take away all curiosities, and I'm left with nothing to get out of life; in that situation, I wouldn't be living life to the fullest.

There have been two occasions in life where I've almost committed suicide, but my own fear of pain (I have an extremely low pain tolerance) cheated me out of it.

As I don't believe in true love, I cannot say that's one of life's greatest virtues. A life shared can be a benefit to you as well as cripple you. One of the cripples could be sacrifices to your own life; I'll never even think about completely giving up on a hobby just to please someone else. The sheer notion of that is not only one of the things that can make your life miserable, it is also downright painful.

[wxfree]

My outlook is that you can never accomplish everything you want to do in life. Everything involved with learning and planning takes so much time off of our hands that we can never learn or accomplish absolutely everything we would like to or have a passion for. That said, I would be fine with death here and now.

The sheer fact that it's very possible I could just be walking along the street one day, and, BAM! I'm dead, does creep me out very slightly, but it doesn't take away from the fact that I learn from experiences each and every day I live.

If I could live forever, I wouldn't, because I find the greatest things in life are my own curiosities. Take away all curiosities, and I'm left with nothing to get out of life; in that situation, I wouldn't be living life to the fullest.

That's very much my outlook on things.  Without that next thing to be done, which for me mostly means learning, I don't see a point to going on.  This relates to road trips.  I love long road trips.  Seeing the roads, the land, the weather, and the culture along the way there, these things are as important as getting to the destination.  In life, the process of getting to where you're going is, to me, where the value is.

As I don't believe in true love, I cannot say that's one of life's greatest virtues. A life shared can be a benefit to you as well as cripple you. One of the cripples could be sacrifices to your own life; I'll never even think about completely giving up on a hobby just to please someone else. The sheer notion of that is not only one of the things that can make your life miserable, it is also downright painful.

My philosophy is that what really matters is what you leave behind: the things you've taught and the love you've given.  I have a somewhat Ayn Rand view of things, not that greed is good, but that greed is the only true motivation.  In my view, motivation is like gravity: it only goes inward.  Some people serve themselves by doing for themselves, and some serve themselves by doing for others.  Love, to me, is a label, not a force; it's a label that we put on certain motivations.  I do believe in love, but I disagree with the idea that "love is all you need."  To make any relationship work, you need love plus a bunch of other things, and the closer the relationship (and especially marriage) the more of those other things you need.

[Laura]

Thank you for bringing up this topic, wxfree. Sometimes a little openness is important. I know my post is long, but I wanted to share with you that we impact people in every moment of our lives, and that loved ones are greatly missed when they are gone.

Most people consider me the happiest person they know, and it's true, I'm pretty happy. But I've gone through some tragic life events. My father passed away unexpectedly when I was 19 and my on-again off-again boyfriend died from epilepsy when we were 20. I sunk into a terrible, awful depression. I should have flunked out of undergrad but by the grace of God (and of Lynchburg College) I didn't and managed to graduate.

Dad and Travis died young and did not fulfill their bucket lists, but the impact they had on the people around them lives on. My father was known to try and help the people around him. He used a lot of networking to get family and friends jobs (he was a store manager and a retired government worker). He would go on bike rides with them and be a listening ear if they just needed to talk. One of his friends needed help coming out of the closet and he gave her the confidence to do it. These aren't grandiose things, but these are lives he touched. Family friends who now have better lives because he gave them the confidence and the networking.

Travis died very young but his impact has been lasting. He was told by his neurologist about 9 months before he died that he would die within the next five seizures he had. Rather than wait for death to come, he lived his life to the fullest. He healed broken bridges with people. He went back to school and had straight A's his last two semesters. He got back in touch with God and shared his Christian faith with family and friends. He even overcame his fear of horseback riding and broke a colt for a boarder at his family's ranch.

In my own life, Dad and Travis have impacted my life. Dad wanted his kids to experience the things he knew he wouldn't have the chance to do, like finish college. Also, dad wanted to visit Italy. The Bianca family is from Palermo, Sicily and the Nido family (paternal grandmother's side) from Napoli, Italy. I had the opportunity to study aboard in Turkey, Greece, and Italy from May-June 2007. Dad encouraged me to go. As I was crossing on a ferry from Greece to Italy, my father passed away. After the initial shock and sobbing wore off, God gave me an unexplained peace. I realized that my father was watching me from heaven and experiencing Italy with me. (I'm crying as I write this.)  For the remainder of my trip, I felt the Holy Spirit beaming inside of me. Without trying, I gave my class so much courage and hope. Ultimately, while I am sad and grieving, I know that life will be ok, God is taking care of me, my father can see Italy from heaven. Italy is full of old, beautiful cathedrals and churches - I couldn't go anywhere without a visual recognition of God's presence.

Travis taught me that life is too short to hold grudges, to stay mad, to cause unnecessary drama. Also, we can touch people through our art and writing. I wrote a lot of poetry after Dad and Travis died; I have won awards for that poetry. I really touched people by sharing the poems I wrote that were inspired by these people and my feelings after their deaths.

I hope I live to be an old old lady. I hope Mike and I have decades of happiness and roads. I hope to have children and grandchildren to share roads with. I hope to finish my master's in city and regional planning and to impact transportation. I hope God doesn't end my life sooner. Obviously, if I died suddenly, I wouldn't have time to regret anything, but if I found out that I had an incurable disease, I would die without regrets and would try to spend as much time with family and friends as possible and to try and take at least one last big trip somewhere.

[bugo]

My aunt just passed on Saturday.  She was only 60.  She was an alcoholic, and I hate to think what her liver looked like.  I don't think an autopsy will be performed, so we may never know what actually killed her.

[formulanone]

Wow, I guess I can consider myself lucky – damned lucky at that – where my life began and came from; a middle-class background free from physical threat, a pattern death of death of loved ones (at least until I was older), and although I was not always happy...I always imagined things would pass and I'd always find a little happiness in something along the way. And looking back over almost forty years, for the most part I've always been pretty mentally buoyant; if not wearing some sort of stoic or dazed look on my face while some wonderful and/or odd thoughts always coursed their ways around real and imaginary things.

I travel a lot, both planes and automobiles, and it's not a terribly great secret that I occasionally take some risks when travelling alone. I've been lucky, sometimes smart, and sometimes just in the right place and right time to avoid injury, let alone death. Occasionally, the thought pops in my head about "what if" this happens or that; looking at traffic or that aircraft wing does invoke a bit of mechanical faith, but for the most part, I never dwell on it, let alone worry about it for more than a moment or two.

I've achieved a great deal in my life; sure, there's probably little to no public achievements that anyone other than family and friends would remember me by...but looking back, I've generally led a personally virtuous life, felt I've harmed as few as possible, and with very few regrets. Even those would be ones that have generally made me who I am today. But with all that, I am married to the love of my life, and I have a daughter and son; while at my age, I'd sacrifice my life for any of them, I'd still like to be there for them, watch them grow, help them out, and be both father and Dad. I hope never to permanently depart until they are wise, safe, smart, and self-sufficient, and to not leave my wife alone to raise them, and give them nobody to look towards. Every moment I spend with them, I realize they're a lot like me (as well as my wife, naturally).

So, I always have my kids and my wife as my reasons to continue on, as well as my own comparatively petty interests in my spare moments to spur me on. Death is inevitable, entropy happens, nothing lasts forever, and with all that impermanence is change...you can put up the good fight, but you have to pick your battles. In those ways, I intend to give that bastard Death a run for his money, and at least tire him out in his quest to scythe me...

[cpzilliacus]

Thank you for bringing up this topic, wxfree. Sometimes a little openness is important. I know my post is long, but I wanted to share with you that we impact people in every moment of our lives, and that loved ones are greatly missed when they are gone.

Most people consider me the happiest person they know, and it's true, I'm pretty happy. But I've gone through some tragic life events. My father passed away unexpectedly when I was 19 and my on-again off-again boyfriend died from epilepsy when we were 20. I sunk into a terrible, awful depression. I should have flunked out of undergrad but by the grace of God (and of Lynchburg College) I didn't and managed to graduate.

Very moving and very well-written.  Thank you for sharing.

I lost my Mother when I was  21, in 1980.  She died after a long battle with breast cancer, just before I was to graduate from college. Not much fun.

Much more recently, my only brother died as a direct result of an epileptic seizure.  I strongly suspect (but cannot prove) that even though he died from injury associated with that seizure, that he had stopped taking his anti-seizure medicines (his epilepsy was pretty well under control thanks to a wonderful doctor at Johns Hopkins).

After losing my brother, my wife asked me to move out, which I have done. Not her fault, but mine.  So I am trying to clean up my act, though I don't know if our relationship will ever go back to what it once was.