Your Favorite Forum Quotes

[formulanone]

I guess the like button went away but I can still frame good posts like this

I'm endorsing "frame" as the new "like". 

Yeesh.  Here come the quote tunnels.

[Scott5114]

In general Louisiana s*cks at bannered routes

Sacks? Socks? Sicks? Secks?

The asterisk as a wildcard need not represent only a single character.

Louisiana shocks at bannered routes.
Louisiana smacks at bannered routes.
Louisiana singletracks at bannered routes.

[TheCatalyst31]

Sometimes threads have serendipitous page breaks. This isn't that weird in context, but when it's the first thing you see on the page:

Why the fuck would I need goat milk soap in the middle of a road trip?

[Scott5114]

I mowed the lawn one time at 2 AM while I was tripped out on Percocet.

[vdeane]

My great-great-grandfather ... really hated NE2 and would talk at length about how unpleasant NE2 is -- how an encounter with NE2 would always be the worst part of one's day. He used quite profane language when speaking of NE2, sometimes of actions that were, anatomically speaking, quite infeasible.

I hope someone read that for the first time right here with no context whatsoever.

[kphoger]

↓ This moderator action ↓

[ snip ]

[ snip ]

No, wrBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

[ snip ]

There is BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

[ snip ]

[Irrelevant portions of this post excised. Stay on topic and stop trying to get into pissing matches with everyone. -S.]

(snips are mine)

[vdeane]

Not from here, but from a thread on r/Albany on how to have fun around the area:

Reddit is where all the people not having fun go. It's a bad place to ask.

[vdeane]

The Key Bridge thread just keeps getting weirder.  If I need a laugh, I can read the TV Tropes page for My Immortal... or I could read this post from NE2:

Q: Do horses vomit?

A: Horses are anatomically and neurologically incapable of vomiting, a trait that sets them apart from most other mammals. This is due to several physiological factors: the cardiac sphincter at the junction of the esophagus and stomach is exceptionally strong and does not reopen once food enters the stomach, even under pressure.

Additionally, the esophagus enters the stomach at a steep angle, making reverse flow nearly impossible.
Horses also lack the neural coordination required for vomiting, as their brain's vomiting center is poorly developed or absent. Compounding this, the stomach is positioned deep within the rib cage, preventing effective compression by abdominal muscles. These design features, while evolutionarily stable, come with serious health implications.

Because horses cannot vomit, they are especially vulnerable to digestive emergencies such as colic or gastric rupture. If they ingest something toxic or suffer from severe bloating, they cannot relieve pressure through vomiting, making early veterinary intervention critical. So while it may seem like a quirky biological fact, it's actually a high-stakes limitation in equine care.

I'll make it clear, you can write this down, I want to fuck a woman as a horse. None of this is a secret, I just, to be clear, many jokes have been made about this but I stand by it. My moral principles are ROCK SOLID. I'm... my feet are firmly planted in the ground. I've got my boots up, they're planted firmly, you cannot move me from my position. This isn't a secret. Talk to a therapist? Why do you want to be the horse Vaush? Because then I'd have a giant dick. Okay? Couldn't you have an uh, a big dick the other way? Well yeah, I mean yeah um, I could have a big dick hypothetically in any variety of scenarios but then it wouldn't really be a horse dick. "Well you could be a human with a horse dick", yes but then I wouldn't have that powerful stallion energy using it. There you go, that's it, that's the whole thing.

[CoreySamson]

Why is the reincarnated Beltway just an AI caricature of an angry roadgeek?

[Max Rockatansky]

He was using AI off forum as well when he was engaged in similar arguments about the Key Bridge.  He strikes me as being surprised that the community didn't agree wholesale with his tunnel idea and in turn is going to act like a baby about it in retaliation.  I've noticed there is a uber safety slant to a lot of Beltway's latest series of misgivings.  Maybe I should write a letter to DOGE describing how many wasteful pages there are in the Key Bridge thread?

But hey, the "horse dick" quote was at least a classic that came out of the Key Bridge thread meltdown.

[PColumbus73]

Deleted exchange between Beltway and kproger to the effect of:

Beltway (quote)

You are ... fat

kproger
I am in fact very skinny

[CoreySamson]

I have never successfully eaten at a Denny's.

[kphoger]

Deleted exchange between Beltway and kproger to the effect of:

Beltway (quote)

You are ... fat

kproger
I am in fact very skinny

Never heard of that guy.

[Max Rockatansky]

Kproger sounds like a grocery store chain.

[kphoger]

Kproger sounds like a grocery store chain.

Around here, they're branded as Billon's.

[kphoger]

I just found this one again:

I'll do you the service of informing you that there is no law in these United States that says someone can't take the name of a fictional country and have a bit of fun expanding it into an absurdist parody of fictional countries.

I believe Alanland has such a law. It also has a law mandating that you expand all concepts into absurdist parodies, and another law outlawing parodies.

[Max Rockatansky]

Now that the Key Bridge thread has been partially lobotomized I fear that the context for this exchange will become lost:

How dare all of you not take this subject seriously.  This silliness is a metaphor for weaponized apathy regarding safety standards and infrastructure maintenance.  Be warned, I'm keeping diligent notes in my hand-written journal on all of you.  Some of you may have resigned yourself for something less out this world, but I will continue to fight the good fight.

Amazing how gravitas emerges as the favored coping strategy when regional issues are too distressing to tolerate blithely. Instead of employing humor regarding the functional inadequacies of the American Legion Bridge, which have been restricting one of our nations' many highway routes for years, we're consigned to doom-and-gloom commentary and predictions about future tragedies.

The peril, it seems, is that Maryland's disaster response to a cataclysmic incident is in some way discriminatory to Virginia's decades-long stalwart position of inactivity regarding the ALB. But what's actually harmful is the vituperation against the status quo, bureaucratic formalities, and the political institutions that require infrastructure failure as a necessary condition for taking substantial and costly steps.

Considering that the only method of securing subsidies is to fail substantially, then perhaps the true threat isn't the undue solemnity, it's the reality that the public has been conditioned to expect planners and agencies to act in the absence of any calamity having occurred.

So sure, let's complain. Let's imagine that demanding exigency is clever. But a few of us are chronicling this motif: how sobriety is weaponized to prevent acceptance, how satisfaction is characterized as unjustifiable apathy, and how institutional due diligence is haughtily disparaged under a veneer of arrogance, systematic derision, and scorn.

The American Legion Bridge doesn't need to be held to a higher standard. It needs aliens.

[Max Rockatansky]

Being a Cowboys fan is a lifestyle choice.

[kurumi]

Quoting things out of context. Drives me batty sometimes.

[TheCatalyst31]

The last time I saw this many bad ideas in a single paragraph, it involved FritzOwl

[Scott5114]

Area VMSes today had the following message on them:

FOCUS
ON THE ROAD

I was driving a Focus.  On the road.

I thought that was nice of them to acknowledge me.
Or am I being hunted?

[kphoger]

Here are some cocaine-related gems from classic Jake.  2013 must have been an interesting year for him, I guess.

The most boring stretch I've ever been on was Interstate 15 between Barstow and Las Vegas.

you must have forgotten your two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high powered blotter acid, salt shaker half full of cocaine, whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers, quart of tequila, quart of rum, case of Budweiser, pint of raw ether and two dozen amyls.

One of the biggest issues now is prescription pain killers being abused... .

I've always thought of pill poppers as seeing such a stupid high.  alcohol can act as a social lubricant.  marijuana makes one feel mellow and introspective, while still maintaining conversational skills.  mushrooms and LSD are mind-expanding.  hell, even coke can be understood in the context of a nice upbeat party.

meth turns you into a raging asshole if you can't handle it, but I can see people wanting to do it just so they can get a lot of shit done without sleep.  fair enough.  you're an idiot who didn't do the math, but you sought a legitimate experience.

but, seriously, who wants to be a complete societal check-out and just retreat into a world of pills?  same thing with heroin.  fuck opiates.

I think Jake has mentioned this before, in the context of a earlier discussion about Border Patrol checkpoints.  Most of these checkpoints are operated under a legal doctrine that allows suspicionless checkpoints within 100 miles of the border.  In the story Jake tells, however, the Border Patrol is surveilling traffic going through a California agricultural inspection checkpoint and allowing the agricultural inspectors to develop the suspicion for them.  If evidence transpires in the course of an inspection that leads a reasonable person to suspect that a given vehicle is carrying undocumented aliens, then the Border Patrol can stop and detain that vehicle, since the 100-mile limit does not apply to searches that begin with reasonable suspicion.

how the fuck is that legal?  the aggies should be strictly looking for agricultural goods.

if an aggie spots an illegal alien snorting coke off a hooker's ass in the back of my pervert van filled with human slaves who are knifing each other for the glory of Satan... I don't think they should have any right to do anything but look me in the eye and say "no vegetables?  carry on, sir."

[Max Rockatansky]

Lytton must have not been a fan of dry lakes and volcanic mountains.

[Plutonic Panda]

I'm sorry are there people that make the drive between Los Angeles and Las Vegas without doing cocaine?

[Max Rockatansky]

Probably not the best idea to get plastered on cocaine while out of Trona-Wildrose Road.