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Chuck Norris becomes a being of pure energy

Started by Max Rockatansky, March 20, 2026, 10:13:09 AM

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jgb191

#25
March 20, 2026, 07:29:56 PM  
The only thing I remember about Carlos Ray Norris was over three decades ago when he appeared labeled as the "Trouble Shooting Referee" for a certain Casket Match in San Antonio, Texas involving Texas-born native Mark Callaway better known as "The Undertaker".
We're so far south that we're not even considered "The South"

TheHighwayMan3561

#26
March 20, 2026, 07:30:29 PM  
The Grim Reaper retired, and hired Chuck Norris as his replacement.

NE2

#27
March 20, 2026, 07:43:40 PM  
If they sell his shoulder meat, will it be Norris chuck?
pre-1945 Florida route log

I accept and respect your identity as long as it's not dumb shit like "identifying as a vaccinated attack helicopter".

KeithE4Phx

#28
March 20, 2026, 08:57:47 PM  
Chuck Norris has finished building his casket, and will act as his own team of pallbearers. However, the funeral has been postponed until he writes his eulogy.

Chuck Norris did not go to Heaven.  Heaven went to Chuck Norris.

The Grim Reaper announced his retirement after bringing Chuck Norris into the afterlife.  From this day forward, anyone who passes away will be accompanied to Heaven by Chuck Norris.
"Oh, so you hate your job? Well, why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called "EVERYBODY!" They meet at the bar." -- Drew Carey

1995hoo

#29
March 21, 2026, 09:06:34 AM  
Guns carry Chuck Norris for protection.
"You know, you never have a guaranteed spot until you have a spot guaranteed."
—Olaf Kolzig, as quoted in the Washington Times on March 28, 2003,
commenting on the Capitals clinching a playoff spot.

"That sounded stupid, didn't it?"
—Kolzig, to the same reporter a few seconds later.

wxfree

#30
March 21, 2026, 09:38:58 AM  
I don't know much about Chuck Norris, but based on these comments, he seems to have a lot in common with Soviet Russia.
I'd like to buy a vowel, Alex.  What is E?

All roads lead away from Rome.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights do make a left.

Max Rockatansky

#31
March 21, 2026, 10:49:09 AM  
Quote from: wxfree on March 21, 2026, 09:38:58 AMI don't know much about Chuck Norris, but based on these comments, he seems to have a lot in common with Soviet Russia.

Chuck Norris took down Soviet Russia by himself but was nice enough to give the credit other factors. 

1995hoo

#32
March 21, 2026, 11:18:46 AM  
Chuck Norris went to a feminist rally and came home with an ironed shirt and a sandwich.
"You know, you never have a guaranteed spot until you have a spot guaranteed."
—Olaf Kolzig, as quoted in the Washington Times on March 28, 2003,
commenting on the Capitals clinching a playoff spot.

"That sounded stupid, didn't it?"
—Kolzig, to the same reporter a few seconds later.

LilianaUwU

#33
March 21, 2026, 02:07:46 PM  
Same-sex marriage is so tough, it can be opposed by Chuck Norris and survive him.
"Volcano with no fire... Not volcano... Just mountain."
—Mr. Thwomp

My pronouns are she/her, no matter what you think about that.

Beltway

#34
March 21, 2026, 07:51:53 PM  
Quote from: 1995hoo on March 21, 2026, 09:06:34 AMGuns carry Chuck Norris for protection.
Karate and Jiu-Jitsu carry Chuck Norris for protection.
Baloney is a reserved word on the Internet
    (Robert Coté, 2002)

NE2

#35
March 21, 2026, 09:31:09 PM  
If Chuck Norris had crashed into the Key Bridge, there would have been no survivors.
pre-1945 Florida route log

I accept and respect your identity as long as it's not dumb shit like "identifying as a vaccinated attack helicopter".

Max Rockatansky

#36
March 21, 2026, 09:45:43 PM   Last Edit: March 21, 2026, 11:14:13 PM by Max Rockatansky
Quote from: NE2 on March 21, 2026, 09:31:09 PMIf Chuck Norris had crashed into the Key Bridge, there would have been no survivors.

If the MDTA had contracted Chuck Norris he would have reassembled the span from the wreckage within the day.

Beltway

#37
March 21, 2026, 11:07:42 PM  
Quote from: NE2 on March 21, 2026, 09:31:09 PMIf Chuck Norris had crashed into the Key Bridge, there would have been no survivors.
If Chuck Norris had crashed into the Key Bridge that MDTA wants to build, it would have wound up in the drink. But, he may have been the oldest person in the world by then.
Baloney is a reserved word on the Internet
    (Robert Coté, 2002)

freebrickproductions

#39
March 22, 2026, 02:34:47 AM  
May or may not be batticorn.

I also collect traffic lights, road signs, fans, and railroad crossing equipment.

Art in avatar by Dencounter!

(They/Them)

SSOWorld

#40
March 22, 2026, 10:14:34 PM  
Scott O.

Not all who wander are lost...
Ah, the open skies, wind at my back, warm sun on my... wait, where the hell am I?!
As a matter of fact, I do own the road.
Raise your what?

Wisconsin - out-multiplexing your state since 1918.

KeithE4Phx

#41
March 23, 2026, 01:07:27 AM  
Quote from: wxfree on March 21, 2026, 09:38:58 AMI don't know much about Chuck Norris, but based on these comments, he seems to have a lot in common with Soviet Russia.

In Soviet Russia, television watched you!

Chuck Norris didn't watch television.  Television watched Chuck Norris.  :)
"Oh, so you hate your job? Well, why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called "EVERYBODY!" They meet at the bar." -- Drew Carey

Scott5114

#42
March 23, 2026, 02:34:40 AM  
Quote from: KeithE4Phx on March 23, 2026, 01:07:27 AMChuck Norris didn't watch television.  Television watched Chuck Norris.  :)

uncontrollable freak sardine salad chef

Beltway

#43
March 23, 2026, 08:50:12 AM  
Quote from: KeithE4Phx on March 23, 2026, 01:07:27 AMChuck Norris didn't watch television.  Television watched Chuck Norris.  :)
Chuck Norris didn't watch the launch of Artemis I at the Cape --
the launch of Artemis I watched Chuck Norris.
Baloney is a reserved word on the Internet
    (Robert Coté, 2002)

kphoger

#44
March 24, 2026, 09:29:36 AM  
Chuck Norris doesn't eat cheese sandwiches.  Cheese sandwiches eat Chuck Nor........

Wait a minute, how do these jokes work?
He Is Already Here! Let's Go, Flamingo!
Dost thou understand the graveness of the circumstances?
Deut 23:13
Male pronouns, please.

Quote from: PKDIf you can control the meaning of words, you can control the people who must use them.

1995hoo

#45
March 24, 2026, 09:37:00 AM  
Chuck Norris could eat just one Lay's potato chip.
"You know, you never have a guaranteed spot until you have a spot guaranteed."
—Olaf Kolzig, as quoted in the Washington Times on March 28, 2003,
commenting on the Capitals clinching a playoff spot.

"That sounded stupid, didn't it?"
—Kolzig, to the same reporter a few seconds later.

vdeane

#46
March 24, 2026, 12:52:00 PM  
Quote from: kphoger on March 24, 2026, 09:29:36 AMChuck Norris doesn't eat cheese sandwiches.  Cheese sandwiches eat Chuck Nor........

Wait a minute, how do these jokes work?
New version of rock, paper, scissors:

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks regular people
Regular people grill cheese sandwiches
Cheese sandwiches eat Chuck Norris
Please note: All comments here represent my own personal opinion and do not reflect the official position of NYSDOT or its affiliates.

Max Rockatansky

#47
March 24, 2026, 12:58:58 PM  
Quote from: vdeane on March 24, 2026, 12:52:00 PM
Quote from: kphoger on March 24, 2026, 09:29:36 AMChuck Norris doesn't eat cheese sandwiches.  Cheese sandwiches eat Chuck Nor........

Wait a minute, how do these jokes work?
New version of rock, paper, scissors:

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks regular people
Regular people grill cheese sandwiches
Cheese sandwiches eat Chuck Norris

No, no you both are getting this wrong. 

-  Chuck Norris used rock against paper and the paper was obliterated.
-  Chuck Norris used scissors against rock and the rock was cut in half. 
-  Chuck Norris used paper against scissors and the scissors were encased inside of a tree trunk. 

Beltway

#48
March 24, 2026, 05:33:46 PM  
Quote from: Max Rockatansky on March 24, 2026, 12:58:58 PM
Quote from: vdeane on March 24, 2026, 12:52:00 PM
Quote from: kphoger on March 24, 2026, 09:29:36 AMChuck Norris doesn't eat cheese sandwiches.  Cheese sandwiches eat Chuck Nor........

Wait a minute, how do these jokes work?
New version of rock, paper, scissors:

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks regular people
Regular people grill cheese sandwiches
Cheese sandwiches eat Chuck Norris

No, no you both are getting this wrong. 

-  Chuck Norris used rock against paper and the paper was obliterated.
-  Chuck Norris used scissors against rock and the rock was cut in half. 
-  Chuck Norris used paper against scissors and the scissors were encased inside of a tree trunk. 

Chuck Norris doesn't play rock‑paper‑scissors.
He issues outcomes, and the universe updates accordingly.

The only winning move against Chuck Norris is to not be in the same room when he chooses.

Chuck Norris once threw rock, paper, and scissors at the same time.

All three surrendered.
Baloney is a reserved word on the Internet
    (Robert Coté, 2002)

kphoger

#49
March 24, 2026, 06:00:14 PM  
Chuck Norris finally told the Grim Reaper that his time had come.

Chuck Norris didn't die.  He fought life, and he won.

Good and evil were in a stalemate for too long, so God called up Chuck Norris to settle things.

Chuck Norris got to the pearly gates and asked Peter why he should let him into his Heaven.

Chuck Norris went to Heaven, and the Devil breathed a sigh of relief.

Chuck Norris died, and now the angel of death is being moved into WITSEC.
He Is Already Here! Let's Go, Flamingo!
Dost thou understand the graveness of the circumstances?
Deut 23:13
Male pronouns, please.

Quote from: PKDIf you can control the meaning of words, you can control the people who must use them.
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